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Steven Wright in Toronto


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There is a great Steven Wright annecdote in the Phish Book :

Mike Gordon was in the bathroom during one of their NYE gigs, he didn't know it but Steve Wright was in the next stall. Wright starts whistling a tune, Cactus says : "Is that Billy Joel?" Wright replies, "I'm not sure." Cactus says, "No, I don't mean the tune you were whistling, I mean are you Billy Joel?" Wright replies, "That's what I meant."

Rob Not Bob

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Steven Wright Quotes

Here are some favourites:

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

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I went to court for a parking ticket, and pleaded insanity.

I said "Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?"

I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I used to work for the company that makes hydrants but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

If you melted dry-ice, could you swim without getting wet?

I once played poker with tarot cards. I got a full-house and 4 people died.

I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when people call me when I'm not home they get a recording of a busy signal.

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I put a skylight in my living room the other day.... The people who live upstairs are really upset.

I bought a harmonica the other day. I play it by holding it out my car window and driving really fast.

I put a new engine in my car. Didn't take the old one out. The car goes 400 miles an hour... The harmonica sounds amazing.


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I was lucky enough to meet Stephen Wright after his show in Victoria this summer, he is awesome, the exact same guy off stage as he is on. the best part is i was wearing a Phish t-shirt and he stopped talking to another person and leaned over and said "Ya know I palyed a song with those guys" He then told me the story about how he had an office bell solo in scent of A mule for New Years, i was blown away, he had nothing but good things to say about the boys. We also chatted at length about his stellar role in Half Baked....he is an awesome guy and one of the funniest guys on the planet

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