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'Go away, bad saucermen'


Booche
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-This is from The Globe and Mail-

With summer almost half over and a return to school mere weeks away, young people should stay alert to the danger of being abducted by space aliens. Some tips from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook for anyone confronted with an extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE):

Don't panic. The EBE might sense fear and act rashly.

Control your thoughts. Don't think of anything violent or upsetting such as been taken aboard a flying saucer; this might encourage them.

Resist verbally. Tell the EBE to leave you alone.

Resist mentally. Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light or in a safe place.

When all else fails, struggle and fight back.

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i was in the back of my truck, dancin to the latest dixie chicks album.. then a bright light came out of the sky, and i got grabbed by 8 big fingers.. i felt like i was in a picture box. the alieans were real nice like, they even lubed up the probe, so it wasnt so bad. wink.gif" border="0

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GOZER

SUBCREATURES! GOZER THE GOZERIAN, GOZER THE DESTRUCTOR, VOLGUUS ZILDROHAR, THE TRAVELLER HAS COME. CHOOSE AND PERISH.

VENKMAN (shouting to be heard)

Is he talking to us?

WINSTON

What's he talking about? Choose what?

STANTZ (to the heavens)

What do you mean "choose?" We don't understand.

GOZER

CHOOSE!!

SPENGLER

I think he's saying that since we're about to be sacrificed anyway, we get to choose the form we want him to take.

STANTZ

You mean if I stand here and concentrate on the image of Roberto Clemente, Gozer will appear as Roberto Clemente and wipe us out?

SPENGLER

That appears to be the case.

VENKMAN (quickly)

Don't think of anything yet. Clear your minds. We only get one crack at this.

GOZER

The choice is made. The Traveller has come.

VENKMAN (in a panic)

We didn't choose anything! (to the others) I didn't think of an image, did you?

SPENGLER

No.

They look at Winston.

WINSTON

My mind's a total void!

They all look at Stantz.

STANTZ (guilty)

I couldn't help it! It just popped in there!

VENKMAN (desperately)

What? What popped in there?

STANTZ (pointing)

Look!

They all turn and look to the south.

GHOSTBUSTERS POV

Looking south past Columbus Circle, they see part of something big and white moving between the buildings accompanied by thunderous footsteps of almost seismic proportions.

VENKMAN

He doesn't know what it is yet, but he knows it's coming.

VENKMAN (desperately)

What is it? Ray, what did you think of?

BROADWAY AND 55TH

The massive white shape passes behind some buildings, offering a glimpse of what appears to be a fat, white arm.

STANTZ

He's about to go into shock.

STANTZ (babbling)

It can't be! It can't be!

COLUMBUS CIRCLE

The thundering footsteps continue to plod as the thing starts to emerge from behind the buildings. Now we can see part of a blue garment covering its enormous chest.

STANTZ

He recognizes the monster.

STANTZ

It's ... It's ... It's the STAY-PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN.

Winston, Venkman and Spengler gape.

THEIR POV

They look across the roof tops and see a large, square, white, bobbing, laughing head atop a massive body of similar puffed white squares. The being is dressed in a tiny sailor's hat, red bosun's whistle and lanyard and a little blue vest with a button undone in the middle revealing a little white belly. It is the cute, quintessential American brand symbol, looming as large as Godzilla.

STANTZ (V.O.) (desperately apologizing)

I tried to think of the most harmless thing ... something that could never destroy us ... something I loved from my childhood.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS

They watch the Marshmallow Man plodding toward them.

VENKMAN

AND YOU CAME UP WITH THAT?

STANTZ

The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda!

VENKMAN

Great! The marshmallows are about to get their revenge.

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