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Im going home Donny

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...The United Airlines passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scarey plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitter-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up.Bitch." shocked.gif" border="0grin.gif" border="0

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Good one! Here's my contribution to the laugh pool:

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of


He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really

pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three

times!" grin.gif" border="0

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Ok.. here we go..

A guy is riding in an elevator. A lady gets in the elevator.

The guy takes a couple of sniffs.. and asks the lady

"phw.. phw.. Can I smell your pussy?"

The lady gets really mad..

"What kind of a man are you.. how could you ask such a thing. NO You can NOT smell my pussy!"

The guy replies

"must be your feet then!"

Get it?

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...the teacher asks the class to use the word Ozonol in a sentence. Little Sally raises her hand and says, "The other day, I cut my hand and my mom put Ozonol on it and it got better"

The teacher said, "Very good, Sally. How about you Jean-Claude"

Jean Claude replies, "De odder day, my fadder and I were watching the ockey game, and my mudder comes in and starts to vacuum, making lots of noise. So my fadder say to my mudder, "Hey bitch, you better stop dat vacuuming, or I will shove it up your ass. Ozonol."

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Here are a few small ones



A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got


A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and the doctor inquires as to how things went.

"Oh it was horrible, just terrible doctor."

"What happened?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table,

at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

"What's terrible?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"

"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in Tim Horton's again.


Comeback Line of the Year

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student,

shakes her head, and sweetly says,

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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Davey-Boy was walking down the street one day when a pixie pounced on him. "Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie. "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be?" Davey Boy thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending joint." So the pixie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized joint. Davey-Boy jacks it up and starts puffing. After five hits the joint is still the same length. Next the pixie says, "...And number two?" Davey-Boy replies, "This is so cool man! Gimme another one!"

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At the end of the day the kindergarten teacher sat her kids down and wanted them all to tell the class what it was that their daddy did for a living as an introduction to the upcoming "Meet Daddy Day." She asks the first child, and little Suzy responds "my Daddy is a Scientist. He is trying to find a cure for cancer." She asks a second child and little Sally answers "My daddy is a fireman and he saves lives every day" When asked the same question, little Wilson replies, "my daddy is a teacher, and he helps little children to read." It goes on and on till they get to little Bobby when he responds "My daddy is an exotic male dancer at a gay strip club. there he performs many many dirty deeds that i'm not allowed to talk about." Very concerned, the teacher takes Bobby aside after class and asks him if all of the things he said about his dad were true, or was he just jealous of the other kids' dads. Bobby looks down at the ground very sadly and says "no maam they weren't true at all, and i wasn't jealous. He's actually plays for the U.S. Olympic Hockey team, i'm just too ashamed to say so."

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