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Musician jokes


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What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A drummer.

How can you tell there's a drummer at your door?

The knocking gets faster.

Why are jokes about drummers so lame?

So the bass player can understand them.

How many record producers does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't ask *me*.

How many promoters does it take to change a light bulb?

I'll get back to you on that.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred. One to change the light bulb, and 99 to stand around and argue that Steve Vai could do it better.

Aloha,

Brad

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Jerry Garcia and Eric Clapton are captured by cannibals one day. Before they are about to be cooked for dinner they are granted one final wish. Jerry says "hand me my old guitar and let me play Dark Star one last time...".

Eric says "please kill me before he starts".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy says to his father, "Daddy, when I grow up I'm going to be a drummer".

"Sorry, son," says his father, "...you can't do both..."

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So three guys die and find themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter assures them they've all made it into heaven, but he likes to play a game with all new arrivals. "How much money did you make last year?" he asked the first man. "$80,000" was the reply. "Bet you were a lawyer!" stated St. Peter. "That's right!" "Okay, c'mon in," and turning to the second man, "How much did you make last year?" "$100,000" "You were a Doctor?" "Yeah!" "All right, You're in!" St. Peter then asks his question to the last man. "$10,000" was the answer. St. Peter then asks the man, "What instrument did you play?"

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what do you call a guy that hangs around musicians?

a drummer!

A guy walks into a shop.

"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster guitar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"

"You're a drummer, aren't you?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"This is a travel agency."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sorry for the old thread, but I just received a few more muscian jokes from a friend...

St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"

The man says, "I was a doctor."

St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a school teacher."

"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"

"I was a musician."

"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."

What do you call a drummer in a suit and tie?

Defendant

What is the definition of perfect pitch?

Tossing an accordian in the dumpster without hitting the sides..

How do you get a guitar player to turn down?

Put charts in front of him

The difference between a squirrel and a trombone-player crossing the road?

The squirrel is most likely on his way to work.

How do you know there's a drummer at the door?

The knocking speeds up.

What's the difference between a band and a cow?

The cow has the asshole at the back.

How do you get a classical musician to stop playing?

Ask him to improvise.

Also, check out

http://www.tonypybus.com/Reality%20Check.html

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This joke courtesy of Phish from 7-10-98 show in Barcelona when their monitors fuck up.

"A little kid comes back from his first day of bass lessons and his father asks him what he has learned. The Kid plays him the A key over and over. The second day of lessons passes and again the father asks his son what he has learned. The kid then plays the E key over and over. The third day the kid comes running in the house and again the father asks him what he learned that day and the kid replies "can't talk now Dad, i've got a gig."

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