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Men are from Mars...


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I just couldn't help myself. It made me laugh out loud.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?

Well, here's a prime example offered by an English

professor at an American University. In-class Assignment for


"Today we will experiment with a new form called the

tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with

the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will

then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner

will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the

story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on

back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to

keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and

anything you wish to say must be written on the paper.

The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two English students:

Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.


STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.

The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy

evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said,

in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must

now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was

suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma

started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.


Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the

attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important

things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed

asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty

night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic

communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance

so far..."

But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out

of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The

jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the



He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not

before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically

brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon

afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the

peaceful farmers of Skylon 4."Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War

and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously

excited her and bored her.She stared out the window, dreaming

of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and

carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her

from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things

around her.

"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered



Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.

Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first

of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed

the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty

through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the

hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within

two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were

on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire

planet.With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their

diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.

The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the

ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive

explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The

President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm

going to veto that treaty!

Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.


Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts

at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have

camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA???

Oh no I'm such a air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon











Get fucked.


Eat shit.




Go drink some tea - whore..

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