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Rules girls need to know

doug

By doug
in Cavern Archive

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doug Newbie

doug

Posted
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We always hear about the rules from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys' side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered

"1." ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birth days and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expectus to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done... not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1 The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.(Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I AM in shape. - ROUND is a shape

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dancingfool Newbie

dancingfool

Posted
Posted

Heh, that old list... the "all #1" is new, as are a few additions this turn around.

I'm still sighing about this "we need it up" toilet seat business. No, we don't. Not all the time. I stay up at urinals only. This kind of thought leads to this beahviour I've witnessed more than once: go in bathroom stall, sit down, do my business while reading the paper. Other guy sits down next stall, does half his business, gets up, lifts the lid and does the second half! I'm still boggled.

If foreign films are best left to foreigners, I hope this kind of person can convince the studios to apply it to themselves and leave foreigners from films foreign to _them_, aka Hollywood fare... [smile]

DF

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arcane Newbie

arcane

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Posted

I could make some comment about needing the seat up so parts don't go splashing in the bowl, but any guy that makes THAT claim had better be prepared to prove himself.

And at the risk of being indiscreet, the only guys I know that would be able to make that claim with any hope of believability, *sit*. (I'm not saying how I know this, but take it as a given that not everyone is shy about being nekked. Everything else I leave to your imaginations.)

I suppose they could say that if they didn't sit, the laws of statics and dynamics would take effect and they'd fall over [Cool]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*snrk* Sorry, but I'm finding this thread quite funny.

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weezy Newbie

weezy

Posted
Posted

haha - "round is a shape"

that list reminds me of that "why is beer better than women" list.

why is beer better than women?

beer waits patiently for you in the car while you play hockey

don't worry, ladies - there's also a "why is diet coke better than men" list

why is diet coke better than men?

it comes in a can, not in your mouth.

sorry about that.... I'm turning off my computer now.

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backbacon Newbie

backbacon

Posted
Posted

I don't understand why women would not want to find the seat up. Would not that ease their mind in knowing that we didn't piss on the seat?

If nagged about leaving the seat up, a guy might get fed up and decide, as to not forget to put it down anymore, not even put it up.

I say, get into a routine of putting the seat down. No more falling in (... never understood that), we'll make sure to leave it up so you know we lifted it in the first place.

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h Newbie

h

Posted
Posted

hey, leave the toilet up or down i dont care, just clean the f*ing thing every once in while wouldja?? jeeeze!

[Wink]

(actually i do care, cuz it just looks trashy when it's up - at our house everybody puts everything down, lid included - who wants to look into a bowl when you're just going in to blow your nose - its a matter of class [big Grin] )

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Booche Newbie

Booche

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I dont know what happened. They must have linked the first pic to a second one. (for those confused, I deleted the reply)

That was REALLY bizzare (second pic) and dirty pool I must say. My first pic was great, or so I thought......

I cant stop laughing though, imagining your boss sitting there when that second shot came up.

Yuck

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