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So whats YOUR Pirate name??>>>


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Apparently I'm Calico James Bonney.

And appropriately enough, someone sent me this yesterday - apologies to those who missed the special day - arrrr.


Pirate talk could shiver your timbers

By Dave Barry

Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a

concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate

reaction is: ``Those individuals should be on medication.''

Today I want to tell you about two such people, John Baur and Mark

Summers, who have come up with a concept that is going to make you kick

yourself for not thinking of it first: Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the

name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a

pirate. Is that a great idea or what? There are so many practical

benefits that I can't even begin to list them all.

Baur and Summers came up with this idea a few years ago. They were

playing racquetball, and, as so often happens, they began talking like

pirates. And then it struck them: Why not have a day when everybody

talks like a pirate? They decided that the logical day would be Sept.

19 because that -- as you are no doubt aware -- is Summers' ex-wife's


Since then, Baur and Summers have made a near-superhuman effort to

promote Talk Like a Pirate Day. As Baur puts it: ``We've talked like

pirates, and encouraged our several friends to, every Sept. 19, except

for a couple where we forgot.''

And yet, incredibly, despite this well-orchestrated campaign, the

nation has turned a deaf shoulder to Talk Like a Pirate Day. In

desperation, Baur and Summers turned to me for help. As an influential

newspaper columnist, I have the power to ``make or break'' a national

day. You may recall that almost nobody celebrated Thanksgiving until I

began writing about it in the 1970s.

I have given Baur's and Summers' idea serious thought, looking for ways

to improve it. One variation I considered was Talk Like a Member of the

Lollipop Guild Day, on which everybody would talk like the three

Munchkins in the film version of ``The Wizard of Oz'' who welcome

Dorothy to Munchkinland by singing with one corner of their mouths

drooping down, as though they have large invisible dental suction

devices hanging from their lips. But I realized that would be stupid.

So I have decided to throw my full support behind Talk Like a Pirate

Day, to be observed Thursday, Sept. 19. To help promote this important

cause, I have decided to seek the endorsement of celebrities, and I am

pleased to report that, as of today, Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, Britney

Spears, Brad Pitt, Oprah Winfrey, the Osbournes, Tiger Woods, Ted

Koppel, the Sopranos, Puff Doody and the late Elvis Presley are all

people who I hope will read this column and become big supporters. I

see no need to recruit President Bush, because he already talks like a

pirate, as we can see from this transcript of a recent White House

press conference:

REPORTER: Could you please explain either your foreign or your domestic



To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice

incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech. For

example, let's consider a typical conversation between two co-workers

in a business office:

BOB: Hi, Mary.

MARY: Hi, Bob. Have you had a chance to look at the Fennerman contract?

BOB: Yes, and I have some suggestions.

MARY: OK, I'll review them.

Now let's see how this same conversation would sound on Talk Like a

Pirate Day:

BOB: Avast, me beauty.

MARY: Avast, Bob. Is that a yardarm in your doubloons, or are you just

glad to see me?

BOB: You are giving me the desire to haul some keel.

MARY: Arrrrr.

As you can see, talking like a pirate will infuse your everyday

conversations with romance and danger. So join the movement! On Sept.

19, do not answer the phone with ``hello.'' Answer the phone with

``Ahoy, me hearty!'' If the caller objects that he is not a hearty,

inform him that he is a scurvy dog (or, if the caller is female, a

scurvy female dog) who will be walking the plank off the poop deck and

winding up in Davy Jones' locker, sleeping with the fishes. No, wait,

that would be Talk Like a Pirate in ``The Godfather'' Day, which is

another variation I considered (``I'm gonna make him an offer that will

shiver his timbers'').

But the point is, this is a great idea, and you, me bucko, should be

part of it. Join us on Sept. 19. You have the buckles, darn it; don't

be afraid to swash them! Let's make this into a grass-roots movement

that sweeps the nation, like campaign-finance reform or Krispy Kreme

doughnuts. I truly think this idea could bring us, as a nation, closer


But not too much closer. Some of us will have swords.


Dave Barry writes for the Miami Herald. Write to him C/O the Miami

Herald, One Herald Plaza, Miami, Fla. 33132.

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