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University Jokes- Super Funny!- Read!


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Canadian Terminology: Universities as Grammar!



>Guelph - v; to vomit due to drinking. Usage : If I have one more

shot, I

>think I'll Guelph.



>York -- v; to spit out a large, coughed-up phlegm loogie with

chunks in it.

>Usage : "hack!" "puhtooie!" Mmmm ... I just




>Ryerson -- v; to claim to be something you are not. Usage : He


>Ryersoned on me man, it's only four inches!


>Queen's -- v; to act superior, the opposite of humble Usage: That

dude was

>totally Queens.


>Trent -- n; giant green floating poop. Usage : Dude, I just hung

a major




>Lakehead -- v; to forget everything. Usage : Shit, I went


>Lakehead on that exam!


>Windsor -- v; party, slack-off Usage : Why study when you can



>Western -- v; to obtain commitment-free sex. Usage : We're going

out to the

>bar to see if we can Western tonight.


>Carleton -- n; easy access. Usage : She was wearing jogging

pants; it was

>real Carleton.


>Ottawa -- n; horrible french accent. Usage : He speaks with an



>McMaster -- v; to pleasure oneself. Usage : He's in his room




>Laurentian -- n; a desperate plea. Usage : Please, I Laurentian




>McGill -- v; swelling of the head. Usage : Her head has





>Nippissing -- v; to void an enlarged bladder. Usage : I just

drank 16

>beers, I freaking need to Nippissing.


>R.M.C. -- n; severe beating. Usage : He got a savage R.M.C.!



>Waterloo -- v; to fart in a tub/pool. Usage : Ahh gross! Did you





>Concordia -- adj; young, innocent. Usage : I dig those Concordia






>Why don't they have Christmas at Western? They can't find a

virgin and

>three wise men.


>How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster? With a




>A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the


>town: $10 worth of damage was reported.


>Why is it so windy in Kingston? Because Queen's blows! What do

you get when

>you drive quickly through the Lakehead campus? An undergraduate



>What's the first thing a Carleton girl does when she wakes up in


>morning? Walk home.


>How can you tell if a Trent student is a heterosexual? He can

outrun his



>What does a U of T student call a Laurier student after

graduation? Boss.


>Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph? Because the

sheep can

>hear the zippers a mile away.


>Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down? Naturally,


>students were very upset...some of the books weren't colored-in



>Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window

of their

>vehicles? So they can park in handicap spaces.


>How do you get a Western grad off your front porch? Pay him for

the pizza.


>Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?



>--------- Top Ten Reasons why University is like Preschool: 10.

You cry for

>your mother. 9. You cross the street without looking for cars. 8.


>time is a necessity. 7. You bundle up for the outdoors without

caring what

>you look like 6. You stay at home and play games with your

friends. 5. You

>wear your backpack on both shoulders. 4. You never eat what you


>supposed to eat, and don't eat what you're supposed to eat. 3.

Playing in

>the rain is a completely legitimate activity. 2. You take naps.

1. You

>can't remember all of your classmates' names.


>You Know you've been in University too long when A Kilometre is

not too far

>to walk for a party You wear dirty socks three times in a row and


>nothing of it You'd rather clean than study (isn't that weird?)

You utter

>"Damn! How did it get so late!" at least once a night.

Often you don't wake

>up in your own bed and it seems normal. Minesweeper (Snood,

Counter Strike,

>or solitaire) is more than a game - it's a way of life. You

schedule your

>classes around sleep habits and soaps. You go to sleep when it's

light and

>get up when it's dark. You live for getting your mail, even junk


>Looking out the window is another form of entertainment. Prank

phone calls

>become funny again. It feels weird to take a shower without

shoes. You

>start thinking and sounding like your roommate. Black lights and

>highlighters are the coolest things on earth. Rearranging your

room is your

>favorite pastime. Your only source of money is Meal Points. The


>lasts from Thursday to Sunday


>At University I LEARNED... That it didn't matter how late I

scheduled my

>first class, I'd sleep through it. That I could change so much

and barely

>realize it. That you can love a lot of people in a lot of

different ways.

>That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so

dressed up.

>That every clock on campus shows a different time. That if you

were smart

>in high school, so what? That I would go to a party the night

before a

>final. That you can know everything and fail a test. That you can


>nothing and ace a test. That Home is a great place to visit, but

I wouldn't

>want to live there. That most of my education would be obtained

outside of

>class. That friendship is more than getting drunk together. That

I would be

>one of those people that my parents warned me about. That Sunday

is a

>figment of the world's imagination. That Psychology is really


>Biology is really Chemistry, Chemistry is really Physics and

Physics is

>really Math. That my parents would become so much smarter in the

last few

>years. That it's possible to be alone even when you are

surrounded by

>friends. That friends are what makes this place so worthwhile

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