Jump to content

"Needs more cowbell?"


Recommended Posts

Celebrity Jeopardy

get it, now.............

I'll take The Rapists for $200, Trebek.

That's Therapists.


Anal Bum Cover for $1000, Trebek

That's an album cover.


Connery: I have a conundrum for you, a riddle if you will. What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

Trebek: I don't want to hear it...

Connery: One's a sick duck...I've forgotten the rest, but you're mother's a whore.


Connery: I've got to ask you...about The Penis Mightier...

Trebek: Wha-what? No...no, it's 'The Pen Is Mightier'...

Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek, the question is, does it work, man? Will it really mighty my penis, man? I've tried such devices before, wasted a pretty penny I don't mind telling you, and if the Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen!


Trebek: And I'll pick the category for you. 'Holidays' for four hundred dollars. The answer is: This December 25th holiday involves decorating a tree and opening presents.

Burt Reynolds rings in

Trebek: Burt Reynolds.

Reynolds: Yeah, what is my birthday?

Trebek: Is your birthday on December 25th, Mr. Reynolds?

Reynolds: No, July 7th.

Trebek: Actually, I have your bio here. It's February 11th.

Reynolds rings in

Trebek: Burt Reynolds.

Reynolds: What is July 7th?

Trebek: Absolutely not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connery: Could you repeat the question?

Trebek: Of Simon & Garfunkel, the one that is not Garfunkel.

Connery: I Garfunkeled your mother.


Alex Trebek: This is the sound a doggy makes. Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Moo.

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night!

Alex Trebek: Okay, that's not necessary. Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: Who is, ah, Scooby Doo?

Alex Trebek: No.

Burt Reynolds: That was a funny dog, Scooby Doo. He drove around in a van and, ah, solved mysteries.

Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.

Burt Reynolds: No, that's correct. He had a pal, Scrappy Doo.


Connery: I'll take Famous Titties for $400.

Trebek: That's Famous TITLES, Mr. Connery.

Connery: Not a fan of the ladies, are ya Trebek?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Trebek: Let's skip "Therapists" and try "Household Objects", for $400. And the answer is, "You usually drink water out of one of these."

[ Sean Connery buzzes in ] Sean Connery.

Sean Connery: A leather glove!

Alex Trebek: No. [ Minnie Driver buzzes in ] Minnie Driver.

Minnie Driver: A toilet!

Alex Trebek: That is awful. [ Jeff Goldblum buzzes in ] Jeff Goldblum.

Jeff Goldblum: [ marvels at the buzzer until time runs out ]

Alex Trebek: And you're an idiot! The answer was "a glass."

Sean Connery: Then the day is mine!

Alex Trebek: [ hesitant ] Technically, it's still Mr. Goldblum's board, but since he's a human wasteland, I'll let Mr. Connery pick again.

Sean Connery: Ohhhh, I'll play your game, you rogue! Let's try "The Rapists" for $20.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, I'll take the condom thing for, uh.. eight thou.

Alex Trebek: That's "Condiments". For $400. "This condiment is made from mustard seeds". [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart.

French Stewart: The answer, of course, is onions. I'll take "Condiments" for $800, thank you.. [ buzzer sounds ]

Alex Trebek: That's not the right answer. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: That's not my name.

Alex Trebek: Okay. Turd Ferguson.

Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Yeah, what do ya want?

Alex Trebek: You buzzed in!

Burt Reynolds: No I didn't.

Alex Trebek: Yes you did!

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that's your opinion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alex Trebek: Right, right.. say, let's move on to Final Jeopardy, that should be a lot of fun. And the category is: The Federalist Papers. Wait, wait, I'm sorry, that's my bad. That's for regular "Jeopardy", which we'll be taping later today. Your category is: Horsies. All you have to do is tell me "Are Horsies pretty?" [ the Final Jeopardy music starts as the celebrities scribble some answers ] Yes or no, we'll except either answer. "Are Horsies pretty?". Keep in mind, there's no wrong answer. [ music stops, Alex approaches the podiums ] Let's see what all of you wrote, starting with you, Mr. Cage, and you wrote.. and you're podium is gone..

Nicholas Cage: I don't know where it went, I'm confused.

Alex Trebek: You lost you podium? I don't see.. you know what - I don't care. Let's move on. Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: [ louder than normal ] What? What?

Alex Trebek: Settle down, just relax. You wrote.. nothing. And you wagered.. nothing.

Calista Flockhart: [ in a whisper ] The pen was too heavy.

Alex Trebek: Fair enough. Mr. Connery?

Sean Connery: We meet again.

Alex Trebek: Let's see your answer.. [ screen reads "Buck" ] Oh, I'm sorry.. that must be you wager. A Buck. And you answer is.. [ screen reads "Futter" ] Futter. Buck Futter, I don't get it.

Sean Connery: Ohhhh.. I think you do, Trebek. I tThink you do, indeed!

Alex Trebek: Well, thanks for joining us..

Sean Connery: [ yelling ] Buck Futter!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sean Connery: That's a nice jacket you're wearing, Trebek.

Alex Trebek: Why, thank you.

Sean Connery: Is that wool? Must have been expensive.

Alex Trebek: No, actually, it was quite reasonable.

Sean Connery: Really? Where did you get it?

Alex Trebek: At a place called Stern's, down on 14th.

Sean Connery: Stern's? I'll have to check it out.

Alex Trebek: Well, you should. Ask for Gary. Tell him that I sent you.

Sean Connery: I'll do that. That sure is a nice jacket. Just one more question...

Alex Trebek: What is it, Sean?

Sean Connery: Do they make them for men?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alex Trebek: [ shakes head ] Let's just go with Foreign Flicks for $800. [ Connery buzzes in. ]

Sean Connery: Ursula Andress.

Alex Trebek: What?

Sean Connery: Ursula Andress, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo, twice.

Alex Trebek: That's Foreign Flicks, Mr. Connery. Foreign Flicks. Mr. Reeves, why don't you pick?

Keanu Reeves: I shall take Balloons for $800, if you please.

Alex Trebek: That's not a category.

Keanu Reeves: My mistake. I shall choose Balloons for $600.

Alex Trebek: I tell you what, let's do Colors That End in Urple. For $800. This color ends in "urple". [ Swank buzzes in. ] Hilary Swank.

Hilary Swank: What is light urple?

Alex Trebek: [ shakes head ] Wow. [ Reeves buzzes in. ] Keanu Reeves.

Keanu Reeves: I will venture a guess. Who is Jaleel White?

Alex Trebek: What?

Keanu Reeves: Is that not the gentlemen who played Urple, the humorous fellow with the glasses who loves cheese?

Alex Trebek: That's Urkel! [ Connery buzzes in. ] Oh good, Mr. Connery wants to say something.

Sean Connery: I thought of some more foreign ladies I snogged.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...