I tried, and I failed

[Douglas]

So I put my neck on the line awhile back by posting my concerns about drugs in our crowd. Although some people did offer assistance and kind words, mostly I got crap. Everywhere I turned someone was asking who I was talking about. And most of the time, the answer being sought was for the purpose of filling in the gossip/rumours. Give your head a shake folks. Did you not read a word that I wrote? Was it all a waste of time?

And now I'm being accused of being judgemental. fu©k. Whatever. I just don't have the fu©king emotional or physical energy to do anymore. I threw my heart out there and that's that. So I'm outta here.

It's been fun but it's been too hard lately. And if all I'm doing is pissing people off then so be it. I'll be around to help out if I can...always. You know how I feel (and if you don't, then read about it first) and I love you all dearly but it's just too much right now. And I can't handle people make light of the situation (that we all know is so clear) or shitting on me for reaching out.

So I guess that's it. I hope that I at least gave you something to think about. And I'll be there to help pick up the pieces if need be....as long as there are pieces to pick up.

Discuss amoungst yourselves here if you must, but don't be expecting anymore responses from me here. If you feel that strongly about saying something to me then call me or email me lynndouglas at hotmail dot com

(and maybe I am singling someone out here right now based on some things that I have written, but hey, he had no problem doing it to me infront of a room full of people so it must be ok in his books)

A big thank you to everyone who helped me through this so far. You know who you are...no need to name names (as usual)

ciao for now

oh...and I may have 2 tickets to The Beasties Boys for sale.

[Jaimoe]

I don't know who you are talking about, but I'm with you Lynn. We should talk soon. Stay strong.

[doug]

That really sucks that whatever has happened is making you feel that way. Try not to let it bring you down too much, and know that there are folks here who respect what you've had to say and will miss seeing your posts. Hang in there.

[Esau]

Hmm,I'll have to read that other thread again,seems I still have no real clue whats going on (not looking for names) here either.All I know is that during the other thread I was also going through a transition point in relation to this topic,quitting everything except herb & its derivatives so I imagine I wasn't much help since I was having my own issues but due to the vagueness of it all I doubt I could offer much help period,especially on a message board,but I would be willing to try to help ya out,just not online though,all I can say is confronting the person(s) in question is probally the only way to make any headway.That was what worked with me,a friend spoke up and gave me proper sh!t along with going to jail,which really made me re-evaluate things I do and the way I carry/carried on.

It would be a real disappointment to not see you posting around here (ya got the best/funniest late night drunk posts in my opinion).Hope you can work things out my friend,maybe we could have a chat about it in two weekends?(nero in TO next weekend) I wasn't going to post anything as I was going to just show up unannounced but I think I may just decide to hop on a bus or plane (whichever is cheaper or easier) and make that Ottawa appearence,(as long as work doesn't need me next saturday).I'll email ya too.

Take care Lynn,keep on keeping on and try not to let it get to you so bad,ya got alot of friends who care out here.

Greg

[bokonon]

everytime anyone says anything that has any substance to it there will always be people who offer a very different point of view. we don't all have to agree, we just have to respect the fact that we are all sentient beings (to varying degrees ) and therefore will have our own things to say. you have supporters and you have naysayers. it happens all the time. i seriously think this board will be losing a valuable member with good ideas and interesting opinions, so don't go!

[Hux]

Lynn,

I do know we talked about this last night, and I thought we had some good honest discussion about it - my apologies if I ended up joking around, not my intention.

I understand your original point/concern, I guess the manner in which the message was relayed probably brought the gossip on, we thought it was A person you were talking about.

Anyhow, sorry if I was an ass!

[Velvet]

A thousand apologies from me as well. In my almost constant effort to amuse myself and hopefully others with stupid mouth spewings I invariably say things that, given a time machine, I would edit.

I hope you know that I would never belittle your thoughts or concerns, and if one of my mouth spewings did that, I want you to know that it wasn't intentional or done with malice.

Stupid random alcohol-fueled utterances have been the unneccesary downfall of many great things.

[shitidiot]

i've lost lots of friends some dead, some from my drug habits. its horibel. if i could go back and change anything in this hole world, i'd go back a try to save my friends/friendships. lynn i don't know you but please don't give up.

if your friend reads this board then i ask. Is having a party better then having friends??? it's hard getting used to not being fukt all the time . i know what it's like. the hurt you put on your self and the ones that love you is not worth rocking like Rick James. i still party but now it's mostly booze and weed and a little some extra very now and again, not every time.

this song all ways hit home to me when times were hard.

Don't Give Up"

in this proud land we grew up strong

we were wanted all along

I was taught to fight, taught to win

I never thought I could fail

no fight left or so it seems

I am a man whose dreams have all deserted

I've changed my face, I've changed my name

but no one wants you when you lose

don't give up

'cos you have friends

don't give up

you're not beaten yet

don't give up

I know you can make it good

though I saw it all around

never thought I could be affected

thought that we'd be the last to go

it is so strange the way things turn

drove the night toward my home

the place that I was born, on the lakeside

as daylight broke, I saw the earth

the trees had burned down to the ground

don't give up

you still have us

don't give up

we don't need much of anything

don't give up

'cause somewhere there's a place

where we belong

rest your head

you worry too much

it's going to be alright

when times get rough

you can fall back on us

don't give up

please don't give up

'got to walk out of here

I can't take anymore

going to stand on that bridge

keep my eyes down below

whatever may come

and whatever may go

that river's flowing

that river's flowing

moved on to another town

tried hard to settle down

for every job, so many men

so many men no-one needs

don't give up

'cause you have friends

don't give up

you're not the only one

don't give up

no reason to be ashamed

don't give up

you still have us

don't give up now

we're proud of who you are

don't give up

you know it's never been easy

don't give up

'cause I believe there's the a place

there's a place where we belong

[ggrtrhhrtgg]

Well, I don't know you from outside of this board, and I don't have a clue of whom you are talking to, and it is completely none of my business, but I really hope you reconsider leaving the board. For the last nine months or so, I have really enjoyed reading what you have to say, and I will miss the personality of "Douglas."

[hamilton]

Lynn - I refuse to let you leave this board. Permission to leave denied. Get your ass back here, before I have to come up to Ottawa and drag you back in front of a computer screen.

"Don't Let It Bring You Down"

Old man lying

by the side of the road

With the lorries rolling by,

Blue moon sinking

from the weight of the load

And the building scrape the sky,

Cold wind ripping

down the allay at dawn

And the morning paper flies,

Dead man lying

by the side of the road

With the daylight in his eyes.

Don't let it bring you down

It's only castles burning,

Find someone who's turning

And you will come around.

Blind man running

through the light

of the night

With an answer in his hand,

Come on down

to the river of sight

And you can really understand,

Red lights flashing

through the window

in the rain,

Can you hear the sirens moan?

White cane lying

in a gutter in the lane,

If you're walking home alone.

Don't let it bring you down

It's only castles burning,

Just find someone who's turning

And you will come around.

Don't let it bring you down

It's only castles burning,

Just find someone who's turning

And you will come around.

[Daniel]

Why the hell happened?!

Should I never do drugs again?

[SaggyBalls]

we're all lucky i can't afford to binge...imagine the consonants i'd destroy.

[Blane]

This sh!t is sad. I truly hope that whatever strife is going down in Ottawa will sort itself out without losing anymore friends. Lynn, I figure people joke around about stuff 'cause they aren't ready to deal with it, but I wouldn't take it personally. I just hope they don't start taking things seriously after it's too late.

Keep well people, I want to be seeing all of you when I get back to Canada in January!

[CatPhish]

I love you Lynnie.

[Sunshine]

As I expressed in the other post it's a very hard transition in one's life to get rid of the "bad".

I've walked many friends through it, seen many fail, and then had to challenge my own demons along the way. Situations like this are never easy.

I know you will always be there for your friends, and I also understand how you have to distant yourself at the same time. I have a group of friends back home that I can't even call anymore. It might sound harsh to some, but after watching some of the most smartest, beautiful people - turn into dirty, run down, blank expressioned humans....where do you turn? You reach out and reach out ...then they just spat in your face. Sometimes you need to step back. They know i'm here if they need me.

Lynnie I love you, your heart is gold!!! Please don't leave the board. We are all very fortunate to have you in our lifes.

[CyberHippie]

Hey Douglas, please don't let a few bad apples spoil it for ya. Stick around, you won't regret it.

[Douglas]

I'll be back around folks. I just need some time to think

[dancingbear]

douglas....

you sound like a dam fine person.

i wish you well. take your time,...lurk for a bit...then come back and feel the love, o.k.?

dancingbear

[MarcO]

I'm gonna miss you Lynn, please don't be gone too long.

If ya ever need a semi-anonymous cyber-shoulder to lean on, someone outside of your immediate Ottawa circle: marc.olszewski@gmail.com or PM me.