Chart Attack's 25 Worst Canadian Songs

[Jaimoe]

I think this is a " fair " list. I would have included a lot more Tea Party tunes, and where the hell is Nickelback and Fefe Dobson ( her current single " Don't Go " may be the worst song ever produced by a Canadian NOT produced by David Foster )?

25 Worst Canadian Songs

They annoy, they grate and they make you want to punch someone in the face. Songs that truly suck are very rarely songs that actually suck sonically or conceptually. No, the songs that usually suck the most are those annoying ones you hear on the radio all the time and somehow, inexplicably, become popular.

Here in Chartland our default setting is to hate everything, so for us to really hate something it's got to have that extra special sh!tty sauce to make it stink worse than the rest.

Below is a list of the 25 worst Canadian songs ever, culled from a lengthy debate and deliberation process amongst the entire Chart staff. We tried to keep the list to artists and songs people have actually heard of wherever possible, which explains why Fleshpaint didn't make it. As always, feedback about the list is welcome... chart@chartattack.com

25. Haywire "Dance Desire"

24. Northern Pikes "She Ain't Pretty"

23. Doug and The Slugs "Too Bad"

22. Men Without Hats "The Safety Dance"

21. Chilliwack "Whatcha Gonna Do (When I'm Gone)"

20. Colin James "Just Came Back"

19. David Wilcox "Layin' Pipe"

18. Kim Mitchell "Kimosabe"

It's not so much that "Kimosabe" is horrible as it represents a certain Canadian parallel to Sammy Hagar's latter-day work in Van Halen. They're both genuine and still have legions of fans (particularly amongst radio programmers), but "don't go there Kimosabe" is a line that's more Springer-esque encouragement than effective warning not to get with a bad woman.

17. Rush "Roll The Bones"

16. Edwin "Firecracker"

15. Shuffle Demons "Spadina Bus"

14. Mike Reno & Anne Wilson "Almost Paradise"

13. Our Lady Peace "Superman's Dead"

12. Sloan (Tie) "Pick It Up And Dial It" / "Backstabbin"

11. Tea Party "The River"

10. Kim Mitchell "I Am A Wild Party"

Now, maybe I just don't know how to party, maybe my pants aren't tapered enough or maybe my mullet is too short. Mitchell, actually trying to rock out, features a chorus that sounds like a rowdy kids show with an arrangement that feels like three songs being smashed together. Vomit.

9. Bryan Adams / Sting / Rod Stewart "All For Love"

8. The Guess Who "Friends Of Mine"

7. Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On"

6. Moxy Fruvous "King Of Spain"

5. Loverboy "Lovin' Every Minute Of It"

4. Barenaked Ladies "One Week"

3. Crash Test Dummies " Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"

2. Alannah Myles " Black Velvet"

1. Bootsauce "Everyone's A Winner"

[Super Freak]

I don't know, I kinda think there are some classic canadian songs there. I mean come on, Spidina bus? That was a great tune...and the safety dance...you had to at least like the video for its medival and midget content. She ain't pretty was classic...

A list of the worst canadian tunes containing not one Glass Tiger tune? I don't buy it.(insert smiley here) This list is bunk.

[Jaimoe]

I like the list. She Ain't Pretty isn't that terrible. I would have included instead the awful Pikes song " Teenland ".

Glass Tiger should have at least one song on the list. So should Platinum Blonde and Honeymoon Suite.

[Super Freak]

Agreed

[guigsy]

im real happy they chose Whatcha Gonna Do (When I'm Gone) by Chilliwack. i hate that song, it plagues me. it follows me everywhere i go, i always fu©king hear it. it is horrible. yet, catchy. horribly catchy. and i think that's the problem.

[Jaimoe]

I can't get that fu©king Fefe Dobson " Don't Go " single out of my fu©king head. It's made worse by the fact that I work for a music station that plays that fu©king song every fu©king hour.

[c-towns]

3. Crash Test Dummies " Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"

shoulda been number 1.

worst song ever.

[Ms.Huxtable]

3. Crash Test Dummies " Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"

shoulda been number 1.

worst song ever.

I was just going to type that same thing. Mmmmmmmyuck. MMMmmkay?

[AdamH]

What a relief that Moxy Fruvous is on that list. I hope they've forwarded countless copies of this to Jian Gomeshi, who incidentally is a huge a-hole in reality and revels like a pig in sh!t in the celebrity status that that skidmark of a band affords him

[Esau]

I actually love "Friends of mine" by the Guess Who.Wheatfield Soul is a great album.

[thatpatguy]

I'm pissed that The Demons made it.. especially when "Made In Canada" by Randy Bachman and Neil Young (both brilliant in my eyes.. don't get me wrong) didn't

that song sucks monkey poo and I'd say it to their faces

[Blurry]

I don't know, I kinda think there are some classic canadian songs there....the safety dance

AGREED.......I love this song!

[dark_starr]

I can't believe that nobody's mentioned "Rise Up" by the Parachute Club or "Mimi On The Beach" by Jane Sibbery.

Or how about:

Honeymoon Suite "Stay In The Light"

Gowan "Moonlight Desires"

Lee Aaron "Metal Queen"...the cheesy video actually knocks it down a notch

Goddo "Cock On"

Trooper "Oh Pretty Lady"

Gino Vanelli "Black Cars"

Glass Tiger "Rescued By The Arms Of Love"

Zappacosta "We Should Be Lovers"

Sass Jordan "Double Trouble"

Platinum Blonde "Standing In The Dark"

Loverboy "This Could Be The Night"

The Box "Closer Together"

Paul Janz "I Go To Pieces"

Gotta love those CanCon laws...

[NewRider]

haha... nice list Chuck I heard ya play a lot of those today on Y108!

[Super Freak]

How can you speak ill of The Metal Queen...Woe, to you....

[Del]

Layin Pipe and Roll The Bones should have been much higher on that list. Rush's cover of Summertime Blues really sucks as well...

[Spudly]

I don't know how much of a little known fact this is but Lee Aaron is now a very credible jazz singer and plays regular gigs around Vancouver....including a weekly residency at a small pub in North Vancouver called the Rusty Gull.....

I coldly yelled out "where's the red spandex, man?" one drunken eve. She didn't like it one little bit.

[hamilton]

Layin Pipe and Roll The Bones should have been much higher on that list. Rush's cover of Summertime Blues really sucks as well...

Another terrible David Wilcox song is "Breakfast at the Circus". Uggghhh... that should have been on here, too.

[guigsy]

lee aaron's still kickin' around and leatherless, eh? i'd be real curious...

and yeah, breakfast at the circus is bullshit.

edit to add:

i bet Tom Cochrane's feelin' real lucky these days... no reason he shouldnt be somewhere on there.

[Velvet]

Quite right. Life is not a highway, no matter what you're told.

[guigsy]

well... now that i think about it... it kinda is... i mean, it takes ya in all different directions, its easy to get caught in a jam, and eventually you crash and die.

im even less of a cochrane fan right now, at this moment.

[Mr. Musicface]

I don't have a problem with most of that list, yes even "Roll The Bones" which admittedly is the cheesiest Rush single ever (although I was in a band that played it for a while, believe it or not) but where the hell is "Seasons In The Sun" by Terry Jacks?!? THAT is the worst Canadian song ever, hands down.

I do think "Spadina Bus", "Just Came Back" and even "She Ain't Pretty" are somewhat unfair inclusions. And "Black Velvet" isn't really that bad a song, I would have put "A Song Instead Of A Kiss" or whatever the hell that piece of crap is called up there instead. Yuck!

(Oh and dark star... screw you, I like that Paul Janz song.)

- M.

[weezy]

a few weeks ago, me and some friends went to see the local amazing cover band 'Soulstream' in Vancouver. I left after a few hours cuz I had to work the next day, but my friends stayed. Apparantly, shortly after I left, Tom Cochrane showed up and sat-in with the band and played.... you guessed it... 'Life Is A Highway' with the band.

The consensus was that is sucked real hard, as you could imagine...