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Breaking in an album...


Kaidy Mae
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You know when you first get an album, and you try to give it a listen to in order to create a certain memory of that album? Well, let me try to explain.

I've been a big fan of Wilco for a while now, but before I was with my ex I never really listened to them. Therefore, all of my Wilco stuff reminded me of him. Except one: Being There. We never had that album. After our wretched breakup, I took a long break from Wilco. I ran across Being There at the local record shop and decided to make some new Wilco memories. :)

I had just moved into a new place and was a little particular of when I wanted to hear the album for the first time. I just let it sit for a few days. Then one night after frequenting the local watering hole, I had some friends back to hang out at the new digs. Eureka! Great idea! Let's sit up in my room with the "green lady" and throw on that Wilco. Yeah!

I was thinking, "This is just f*cking perfect. I'm here with some old pals I haven't seen in ages, catching up, getting down and enjoying some good tunes."

Well, didn't that all change. My roommate also had some friends back after the bar. This Tammy broad pops into my room,

"Mmmm, smells good in here!"

So we invite her to hang out. She seemed a little young and naive, but a nice girl. We're all pretty mellow as we're trying to absorb Jeff Tweedy & friends. She keeps blabbering on about this new boyfriend of hers and how things are moving really quickly, he already bought her a ring (after 2 weeks), etc. The 3 guys hanging out with me had no interest in her tales.

Out of freakin' nowhere, this girl says,

"The only problem is, my boyfriend likes to f*ck dogs."

:: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Yeah, exactly! We're like, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?" She goes on trying to explain that he's a really nice guy, and maybe he just wants someone to love him enough that they can understand why he's so attracted to dogs. ::

Clay: "I can't believe you're still with this dude! Gross".

Tammy: "Well, what should I do?"

Brian: "Call the Humane Society!!!"

Day: "I can't believe you just told us that!"

Me: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST RUINED MY NEW WILCO ALBUM!!!"

Yes folks, from this day forward, when that album comes on, I will always think of that waste-case 20 year old with the dog f*cking boyfriend (affectionately nicknamed Skippy).

So I guess what I need to know is whether anyone has any advice on how to cleanse this album. Will I ever be able to enjoy it? Should I be hypnotized? Should I buy some sage smudge sticks? Or should I just surrender and use the discs as coasters? :(

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I have rated your post with 5 stars. This is the highest rating possible under Bouche's rules. If I could rate it 8 stars, I would.

Forget about the dogfu©ker, music is music. Take the record camping, grocery shopping, skating, skiing, walking... It'll come back to you.... Either that or Being There is just not meant to agree with you.

AD

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you must desensitize!!

crank 'er up to 11 and put on some doggy porno!!

Haaaa! Scotty, that's the best advice I've gotten in ages. Can I borrow some of your doggy porn? I just have Teenage Catgirls in Heat. ;)

AD, thanks for the solid rating. And the grocery store idea is brilliant. I get a real geeky enjoyment roaming around the produce section of the A&P at like 2 am. I swear it's where I do my clearest thinking. I'm heading there tonight. Thanks guys!

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And the grocery store idea is brilliant. I get a real geeky enjoyment roaming around the produce section of the A&P at like 2 am. I swear it's where I do my clearest thinking. I'm heading there tonight. Thanks guys!

I recommend staying very far away from the pet food section...

Aloha,

Brad

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Whoa! Can't say I was expecting that! All I can offer is that I still think Being There is Wilco's best album. A touch self indulgent (they could have trimmed some filler to make it fit on a single disc), but great songwriting, and more straight ahead rockin' than YHF or AGIB.

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I have no advice on how to cleanse the memories of that album, but I think you now have a responsibility to report this guy to the humane society. Bestiality is animal-cruelty. There is nothing amusing about this, and failing to report him leaves him free to continue to abuse more innocent animals with impugnity.

If you don't plan to report him for reasons of your own, but would like him to be reported, please PM me with the name of the woman who told you this and/or the name of the animal abuser. I will phone your local Humane Society myself.

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What hills do you ride around Ottawa?

Yeah, I've been meaning to change my location info. By "O-town" I meant Orillia. Ooops! But if I'm ever in Ottawa, should I check that place out? I'm usually at Horseshoe. Mt. St. Louis is good, but closes at 4 ::

Blue Mountain isn't too far from here either. I'm heading to Snow Valley with my work tonight. If I recall it's kinda lame, but I figured I'd check it out anyway. You're right, it's DAMN cold today, but I've already committed to this. Oh well. I'll do a few runs and then enjoy a glass of gin by the fire. :) Ahhhhh...

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Can I borrow some of your doggy porn? I just have Teenage Catgirls in Heat. ;)

sure you can! i've got the sequel to teenage catgirls... Old Bitches Ready To fu©k - 7, 8, and 9 year old cocker spaniels gettin' down and dirty.

i've also got Clifford: The Big Red Dog with Big Blue Balls - although, for anyone who's been there, its a little depressing to watch, i mean, every time only getting so far... someone just finish the poor guy off for cryin' out loud!

i've still gotta watch teenage catgirls sometime...

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Guest Low Roller

Could it be that "likes to fu©k dogs" is just a metaphor for being a lazy unemployed couch potato on welfare? It's entirely possible that her fiancee is nothing but some slug that sits in his recliner all day watching shows like Ellen, Oprah, and soaps to pass the time. In this case the term dogfu©ker would be most appropriate.

If you don't buy that explanation, then you can just borrow my copy of Doggie Style and Bitches Gone Wild.

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Awesome Scotty! Looking forward to it. But man...YOU WORK TOO MUCH!!! I know I'm not the first person to tell you that. ;)

And yeah, Studog's frickin' OLD!!! Ha! He definitely won't be spending his birthday with me now. Uh oh!

And Low Roller, I think the dizzy girl meant it in the most literal of ways. :( That sicko!

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