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Insanely dumb employee...


StoneMtn
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I was just talking to someone in my office about a woman we recently "let go". I was just reminded of one of the moronic things she did. This woman gave the senior solicitor in our office the ultimate in boneheaded phone messegaes from a client; so boneheaded I just had to share:

"A man called and said it was important."

(No name. No phone number. Nothing.)

Have you ever seen a corporate lawyer, literally, pull out his own hair? :P

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Ah, I love threads devoted to workplace insanity, inanity and stupidity.

I got a million of 'em..but first, I'll share one of my all-time favourites..a resignation letter we received last year:

Dear [GM Name],

Over the past year or so, I have learned real qualities of having a job. I thank you for that! I have learned how not to be shy, how to deal with work and I learned the value of a dollar.

But there was something bothering me that I just couldn't let go--you. You have made my working experience a living nightmare. Day after day, you're on my case. I honestly can't tell you why, but all I know is that's not the reason I'm quitting.

I'm quitting because this place sucks the balls.

I'd rather be working at McDonald's no offence.

Anyway I coulnd't handle all the bullsh!t I put up with. So I'm handing in my 2 weeks notice have a nice life. I'm sick of the bullsh!t..I even had a cupola managers call me at home repeetedly.Kissing ass is not the way to get promoted--it's the pussy way out.

Sincerely,

[employee name]

I'm still getting enjoyment out of that letter a year later...I'm sure our HR department would frown on such a thing..

:)

"Sucks the balls" is a very useful phrase and, for some reason, the hilarity factor is increased exponentially simply with the addition of "the" preposition.

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Here's another one...I had a work nemesis (who eventually did get canned, after making my work life unbearable for about year) who was, quite possibly, one of the dumbest guys ever.

He had serious attendance and punctuality problems (not to mention that, in addition to being not that bright, his personality was entirely charm-free).

He emailed in sick every day for a week. First surmising that he had somehow contracted food poisoning. Then he explained that their brand new fridge had broken, all the food and gone bad and he had continued eating it and that's how he got sick.

The sad thing is, I can almost believe that he *would* eat an entire fridge full of spoiled food.

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Can I presume that the employee from your first post (Stoned Phillips) was not given a particularly strong letter of reference?

That's a 10-4, good buddy. I liked how they apparently tried to avoid burning any bridges with the "have a nice life" and "Sincerely" parts.

Oh, and, they also made about 50 copies of their letter of resignation and handed it out to all the other employees at that particular theatre--nice!

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Yowsa. I had to let someone go last week. The reasons were too numerous to mention but I did love him accidentally dialing my boss on his cell phone (Key lock people, it's your friend), he talked for over 15 minutes to someone about how much he hates his job, calling us all names and stuff.

Not a smart move when you're on probation.

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A few months ago, fed up with "Gail" always talking to her husband during business hours, my boss printed a phone usage report and confronted her. She realized from the reports that she was on the phone with her husband for an average of 8 hours a week. So basically she was only working 4 days a week, while the rest of us work our asses off.

Ever since then she talks to her husband on her personal cell phone instead. Sheesh.

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A few months ago, fed up with "Gail" always talking to her husband during business hours, my boss printed a phone usage report and confronted her. She realized from the reports that she was on the phone with her husband for an average of 8 hours a week. So basically she was only working 4 days a week, while the rest of us work our asses off.

Ever since then she talks to her husband on her personal cell phone instead. Sheesh.

If you're feeling particularly evil, find out who employs her husband, and let them know how much time he's spending on the phone with his wife...

Aloha,

Brad

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Well, I won't even start on my current job... Hell they are probably monitoring this as I type...

So back in the day I tried to do a summer of student painting. One guy who worked with us was nice enough, but dumb as a box of rocks. At one house in particular we divied up the work, and he was going to paint the windows at the front. We left him to work. He came back around in no time and said he was finished. Well he was finished, but... There was paint all over the bushes and hedges, all over the front porch, and all over the glass. Yeesh... Then he spills a bucket of paint on their brand new asphalt driveway... So what does he do? Well he pours a ton of paint remover onto the drive to try and clean it up. Well one problem... Varsole actually eats away at the asphalt. So now in addition to all the painting mess we now have a big hole in the driveway to content with... Needless to say, he didn't have to come to work anymore.

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