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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the morning the proxy father was to arrive Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said "I'm off to work, the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door to door baby photographer rang the door hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam, you don't know me but I've come to...."

"Oh no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in...

"Really??" he said. "Well good ! I've made a specialty of babies..."

"That’s what my husband and I had hoped for...Er...where should we start?" asked Mrs. Smith (blushing).

"Well," said the man, "leave everything to me. I usually try it first in the bathtub...and maybe one shot on the couch...perhaps a couple on the bed... sometime the living room floor is fun too, you can really spread out."

"Hmmm...bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I am sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes time, but you'd be disappointed with that I am sure."

"Don't I know it!!" Mrs.Smith exclaimed..

"I'll show you some of my work first," the photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This one was done on top of a bus in London.."

"Oh, my God !!" Mrs.Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And the twins turned out well when you consider their mother was difficult to work with." (He hands her a picture)

"Difficult? She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes I am afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep and pushing to get good look."

"4 or 5 deep?" asked Mrs.Smith, her eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes!", he said. "And for three hours, too. With the constant squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate. So I began to rush my shot. But just then a squirrel began to nibble at my equipment. I got mad! So I packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward, "You mean it actually chewed on your.... Er...equipment?"

"That’s right," the man said. "Well, if you're ready now, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work."

"TRIPOD???" Mrs. Smith looked worried.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold. Ok, I'm ready for action!" he said.

Madam??? Good lord.. she's fainted !!!

Go ahead, share some laughs if you have any.

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The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"

Suzie replied, "...Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"

"What a wonderful answer!", the teacher said.

Tommy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs".

The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

"Now Tommy, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Tommy said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night and Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was going, "O God, I'm coming'!!"

"If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."

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