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2005 Canada Day Bash


Freeker

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WOW --what a blast. Thanks to all who made it happen.

really glad we made the trek down (up?) for that bash and happy to know we'll be be spending more time with y'all come August.

Sloth -- thanks for spotting us the ticket money.

Freeker -- thanks for not getting too pissed off at my rule-breaking.

Hux -- you rock! (musically & otherwise) thanks for bringing SM to Ottawa.

Stapes -- good to meet you and (try to) fuck with your mind!

oh and Velvet (and others), from the bottom of my heart, thanks for ALWAYS indulging my demands for "BOY TITTIES! BOY TITTIES!" I was just trying to gender-neutralize the "titties & beer" expectations of keg parties!!! But that was some fun titillation, boys!

and gateaux -- I still owe you a proper soaking, my friend!!!

but: Deb + free-flowing beer = a pretty messy time. A huge thanks to Dave, Mike, & Sharon for actually finding me and putting my ass in a cab.

So the cab "story" Dave alluded to:

I'm dragged from the 'dance gravel' to the cab, full beer cup in hand. The cabbie (So Sharon says) actually said "pour that beer out before you get in my cab", but I was sure he said, "the beer is fine as long as you don't pour it in my cab. Now knowing French often translates oddly into English, I took that to mean "just don't spill it. So I got in the cab and loudly PRAISED this dude for being so cool and funky. I guess he figured I was too nuts to deal with, so we drove off and I did have my full beer for the ride home. Now the irony (you saw it coming, right?) Apparently just before we got out I spilled the entire cup over Sharon and the plush blue crushed velour of the back seat!!!!! Heaven help me, I had NO recollection of this, and so couldn't even laugh about it until the next day!

good times!

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Stardate 070105

Canada Day at That Place

After spending Canada Day’s Eve relearning how to play songs I haven’t played in forever whilst continuously cutting into my July 2 Beer Stash, I awoke on July 1st ready for nothing, and hence, almost anything. Luckily I had somewhere to be, or I might have just spent the day at home playing online poker.

But, again, I had somewhere to be. And that somewhere was the ?th Annual That Place Canada Day Keg Party Extravaganza. So I drove my gear over there around 11:30am and checked out what they had going on. The lot was cleared and had a couple of rain/sun tent cover thingys, four porta-potties were set up in such a way as to help create a perimeter, the stage was being prepared by Hux, the Chill Zone (a little clearing in the bushes/trees behind the house replete with couches, chairs, and a very large Santa Claus bong) was happening complete with signage, and the shed was full of snow and 24 kegs of Steamwhistle, this years’ sponsor.

Not bad.

Booked it back home, changed and showered (not in that order), hopped on my bike and hit Maroush for a shawarma: Chicken Sweet, and back to the party. Filled my glass with frosty beer and sat in the sun waiting for the greatest day of the year to unfold, like opening the map to Debauchery.

Feeling very sober and together for the last time of the day I mounted the stage at 1pm and proclaimed my role as MC for the day. Despite my better judgment my body decided that yelling was to be the order of the day, with a smattering of profanity to keep the easily offended interested. My next act was introducing the first act, which was Hux. Hux got up there and did his thing, warming up the crowd with heart-warning sing-alongs. When the wind finally blew all the music off his music stand and the sun got so bright he couldn’t see the indicators on his tuning pedal, he graciously left the stage and began his day of partying.

I got up and wowed the audience with an original song or two and some really annoying banter as the stage was changed to make way for The Grant Buffet Experience. Known locally for such favourites as Pasta and Everybody Poops, Grant and his band proved that even if you completely ignored the lyrics they were still fun to listen to. The sound was really full and it was good to hear that the stage was sounding that good. Grant got me up to play Another Brick In The Wall Part II with them, totally unrehearsed, but fortunately a career of teaching that particular guitar solo readied me for the moment.

After TGBE came the boxing match. Yes, a real-live, ultra-amateur boxing match, held just for our increasingly drunken and bloodthirsty pleasure. A yellow nylon rope was strung up in a triangle (have any of these people even seen a boxing match before?) and the two contenders Todd and Jay emerged to great applause, donning headgear, gloves and tape, trunks, the whole shebang. Of course, they were completely free of any and all experience, both fighters going into the bout with a 0-0-0 record.

I scream "ding" and all hell breaks loose. The white guy tears right into the white guy, leaving the white guy little recourse but to put up the gloves and take a beating before falling down about 15 seconds in. The ref (who was by far the most professional thing about this bout) gave the white guy a good long standing eight count (thereby increasing the length of the fight by about 60%) and called the fight back on. The white guy tears into the white guy again, and with the white guy up against the rope lands a solid uppercut that came all the way up from Mississippi, dropping the white guy into the gravel, where he rolled onto his back and decided to stay. That was okay with the ref who called the fight after tossing a half-glance in the direction of the white guy laying there all peaceful and dead looking. The white guy raises his arms and dances out of the isosceles like a true champion, while the ref helps the white guy to his feet. I didn’t really expect the white guy to win, but I did know that just like every schoolyard fight in the history of Bullydom, it would be over in about 45 seconds, standing eight-count included.

And would there be any better time than now for a screaming idiot like me to get up on stage before 500 drunken, adrenaline-soaked Canadians on their national holiday and sing an anti-American protest song? I don’t think so! It’s like shooting jocks at a Tragically Hip concert…even easier! I get these folks eating out of my hand just in time to announce The Real Gone Daddies, who get up there and play one of the best sets of the day (for the record the order of bands is an utter fabrication…I can’t for the life of me remember who went on when). I spent my time wandering around trying to find a meager balance between utter Canaday drunkenness and responsible pacing. For a change of pace I decided to enter the line to the porta-potties, which proved to be a sound idea given the wait time. Of the four, two were reserved for women only, however, the other two were open ground, which seemed like a good reason for me to begin getting belligerent, plus hell, I was starting to get drunk anyways, might as well get a head start.

Ultimately saved by the bell (and by Jell-O-shooters) I got up on the stage and hit the kids with all cannons firing. Yep, The Littlest Hobo theme, a thick slice of Canadiana that hits the most stoic Canadian while it baffles even the most tundra-friendly American. “There’s a voice that keeps on calling me,” suddenly heads turn in recognition, looking like a flock of deer stuck in the headlights of nostalgia. “Down the road, that’s where I’ll always be.” The people whose parents used CTV as their babysitter start nodding and clapping. “Every stop I make, I make a new friend, can’t stay for long just turn around and I’m gone again.” The first half of that line they sing along. The second part they just hum. “Maybe tomorrow I will want to settle down,” and the same people who wait until Neil starts the vocal line in The Needle And The Damage Done before they recognize the song despite the unmissable introduction start clapping and saying, “Hey, it’s the Disney Theme!” “Until tomorrow I will just keep moving on.”

Too easy.

So all anybody wants is quality music at this point, so I introduce Dave-O, who comes up on the stage with all his fancy-pants pedals and goes ahead and sounds like a bloody guitar orchestra completely outclassing me. Not to be outdone, when he is finally allowed to leave the stage I hit the audience with everything I got, I do Pumpkin. Nobody cares. Oh well, I decide to rock my own face off and I succeeded hard. Thoroughly rocked, I somehow manage to muster enough energy to lift my beer to my lips, but I introduce Blue Grassy High anyways.

They were actually pretty good, though a soundman’s nightmare. Truthfully, if there had been a real soundman anywhere on premises it might not have been that much of a nightmare. Anyway, they bluegrassed my ass, but Bandm really put an ember on my member.

Inexplicably and unfortunately called Inglewood Jack, Bandm was the biggest surprise of the day. Complete with saxophone and turntables, this band played a great inaugural gig and really made a few fans I think. A little name change and they might do well.

Vanderpark was in there somewhere too, and while I was getting drunker and drunker I still managed to notice that they’re a pretty solid band as well.

I remember prizes. For some reason, bouche was standing next to me holding all the t-shirts and hats and kife that Steamwhistle had given us to disperse. And here’s how it worked: I asked who wanted to win a prize, and someone would respond and I’d call them up on stage. While they approached Mike and me I closed my eyes in concentration and dreamed up an ingenious Canada/Steam/Beer/Whistle trivia question. Just as I would come up with the question I would open my eyes to see the person walking away. Hmmm. After a few tries I realized that bouche was just handing them prizes as soon as they got on stage, before I could even utter my question. I eventually beat him to the ground and tossed all the stuff into the audience (though it all landed on bradm’s head), but not before getting two lovely ladies onstage to lead the crowd in a tear-inducing version of Oh Canada. Nice anthem we got.

Geez, then what happened? I remember lots more beers, a couple of nice rainstorms, dramatically increased profanity, Comfort Station, standing in line for the porta-potties and discussing how four porta-potties would never hold 24 kegs of beer, Bullmoose, some fireworks, running out of beer, riding my bicycle through the crowd (I can’t believe I was the only person with the foresight to wear a helmet for that), drunkenly getting home and winning $500US playing online poker.

When I awoke I wasn’t sure if maybe I dreamt the whole thing and had actually just sat home and played online poker after all, but the wristband (good ole #469) set me straight. Well, okay, the joint and Guinness is what really set me straight, but set I was.

Only 364 more days until Canaday friends. Rest up.

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That's singularly the best thing I've read in ages. Kinda like how The Dead Movie gets more focussed as it progresses, but in reverse.

I'll keep this one, too - "And would there be any better time than now for a screaming idiot like me to get up on stage before 500 drunken, adrenaline-soaked Canadians on their national holiday and sing an anti-American protest song? I don’t think so! It’s like shooting jocks at a Tragically Hip concert…even easier!"

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...Bandm really put an ember on my member.

Inexplicably and unfortunately called Inglewood Jack, Bandm was the biggest surprise of the day. Complete with saxophone and turntables, this band played a great inaugural gig and really made a few fans I think. A little name change and they might do well.

The name comes from

http://www.arlodesign.com/Chelios_on_Coaches.wmv

and will not be changed to "BandM" (or however you capitalize it), but thanks for thinking of it that way. :)

Aloha,

Brad

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Just wanted to say thank you to everyonewho made this year the biggest and the best Canada day the yard has ever seen. Can't wait to do it again next year. Special thanks goes out to the bands, everyone played their fucking hearts out and the crowd loved it!!! RGD, Kev Carey, Vanderpark, Bullmoose, Bandm (Inglewood Jack), Dave-O, CoStation, GBE, Velvet, Huxie you are all invited back next year. Bluegrassy High...see me after class, j/k you guys are welcome back too.

I'm still in shock of how well it went, from the music to the food, to the beer, to the rain to the 550-600 people having the best damn Canada Day ever, incredible. See ya next year!

PS - Has anyone seen our phone?

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