What have you been fired for?

[bouche]

Here's a great little article on an internet contest recently where people submitted outrageous firings that happened to them. I'm curious if anyone here has any interesting firing stories.

This one is hilarous:

a furniture mover who got fired after he and a co-worker were caught fencing with some adult sex toys that they found in a customer's bedroom

[popo weenie]

worked for priest,s and found a book under his matress ,as i was cleaning

girlie girlie one i guess

now that is outrageous eh ,but no more work

they tell you nicely though

[headymamamyrna]

Fired for mooning!

[ersh]

I was accused of stealing $10,000 worth of beef from the freezer of a kitchen I worked in. This led me to being questioned by the police (unfortunately while quite baked) and eventually getting harassed so much at work that I made sure I got myself fired. I was the number one suspect for a while.

[zero]

Not surprisingly I have been fired from damn near almost every job I ever had (literally). Everything from talking too much (imagine), contempt, negligence, speaking out, incompetence and on and on.

[guigsy]

once for cancelling a shift at one job so i could work at another... one of those gigs where you're in highschool and you got 2 part time jobs through christmas and you get double booked... well, the message received at the place i cancelled was that i was "calling in sick" - not true - i told them where i was gonna be.. which is why i found it strange that they sent people to "spy" on me.. why spy? i didnt lie! anyhow, you know these retail shmucks with too much smalltime bullshit power (ha ha ha!), they fired me on christmas eve. nice people.

the 2nd time i got canned was in college.. got a call from one of my good friends to help him out for a few days, hit the road to halifax, and see if he could get a job he was after... so, i fixed everything up at work, got my shifts covered, i was a keyholder, so i made sure openings and closings were covered.. the boss was out of town for the weekend, and i couldnt get any approval, but i was 2nd in charge, so, with bases covered, i took it upon myself to just do it. when i got back i got let go. oh well, it was worth it... my first road trip east, and i got to see canada win the olympic gold medal in fredericton, saw joel plaskett do 2 sets to a hometown sit-down crowd at the hell's kitchen, AND my friend got the job. good times.

[Hux]

This was by far my most notable termination...

Minister keeps job, fires aides

By CAMPBELL CLARK

Thursday, July 22, 2004 Updated at 5:33 AM EDT

From Thursday's Globe and Mail

Ottawa — Immigration Minister Judy Sgro kept her job in Tuesday's cabinet shuffle and then fired almost all of the aides in her Ottawa office. But she kept one of two aides who recently made headlines over an expense-account controversy.

The move comes as Ottawa's political staffers -- aides to cabinet ministers and not part of the bureaucracy -- are in a tizzy over rumours that the Liberal government will cut severance packages for fired staffers at a time when many are being let go.

Cabinet shuffles normally provoke staff bloodlettings as ministers lose their jobs or are shuffled to other portfolios -- but Ms. Sgro's move was unusual for a minister who kept her post and had just hired her staff in December.

Ms. Sgro fired 11 of her 13 staff members on Monday, even though she stayed on as Immigration Minister. Some of those fired said people were told the staff are not "diverse" enough.

The staff fired at Ms. Sgro's office ranged from her chief of staff, Ian Laird, to junior aides.

Mr. Laird and Ms. Sgro's senior policy adviser, Ihor Wons, became the subject of controversy when hospitality and travel expenses for ministers and their staff were made public recently.

The two aides filed expense claims of roughly $3,300 a month to live in temporary accommodations in Ottawa for six months after they were hired.

Standard practice is for aides to find permanent housing in Ottawa within a shorter period. Ms. Sgro told a newspaper that paying to move the two any sooner would have been a waste of taxpayers' money if she had lost the election.

Mr. Wons, an adviser to Ms. Sgro before she joined the cabinet, survived the firings, and is now her most senior staffer.

"Like the cabinet, ministers, after a general election, reorganize their staffs. Like cabinet, there's a mixture of seasoned staffers and newcomers," said a spokesman for Ms. Sgro, Derik Hodgson, who also kept his job.

Several of the former staffers said they had heard that Ms. Sgro's reappointment to cabinet came with an order to change some of her staff, but some expressed skepticism about that. They said the staffers were surprised after the election to hear that their jobs could be on the chopping block, and to hear it from Ms. Sgro's husband, Sam, when he visited the office.

They said that Mr. Sgro visited the office after a Liberal caucus party last week, and walked around telling people there would be big changes. "Everybody gone," one staffer quoted him as saying.

But on the political grapevine in Ottawa, another move was provoking anger at the cabinet and the Prime Minister's Office yesterday: proposals to cut the severance packages that aides to ministers are paid when they are fired. The payments are to make up for the instability of their jobs and restrictions on the jobs they are allowed to take after leaving government.

While that move might be popular with the public, many on ministerial staffs expressed anger at their own overlords.

"What a bunch of [expletives]" one normally discrete senior staffer said, referring to the PMO. "To do this at a time when people are losing their jobs is a disgrace."

Those severance packages normally give two weeks pay for each year of service plus up to six months pay as a lump sum. However, ministers could make the lump-sum payment the full six months salary even if the employee had not served that long, and most ministers usually do so, although Ms. Sgro did not.

New guidelines posted on the Treasury Board website late yesterday state that as of Tuesday, the lump-sum payment will be limited to one month's pay for each year of service, up to six months, and the minister cannot increase the amount for someone who has been employed for less than six months.

Treasury Board President Reg Alcock said last night that proposals to change the severance packages for the future are up for discussion at the Treasury Board.

"Any changes that take place don't affect the staff that have lost their jobs in the last little while," he said. "There's a discussion going on about the policy."

[popo weenie]

that,s the only way to keep a job

[Booche]

Once, and only once.

I got fired because a dude didnt cover a shift for me at Woolco we had traded so I could play in a college indoor soccer tourney. Ironically, it was the best I ever played indoor, but realistically I deserved to be fired for a bunch of 20 year oldish male reasons, from the top of my head:

Showing up to work drunk

Showing up to work stoned

Tripping at work

Skipping shifts altogether without notice (so I could get wasted)

Stealing from the till

Telling managers to go fuck themselves

Pissing on the warehouse floor because the managers were assholes

Hitting on female customers

Figuring out how to cheat the system and lie about commisions so I could make more money (and I made ALOT)

Lying about anything to keep me from being fired (see all of the above)

But, the best thing I ever did to NOT get fired is talking a fellow employee out of putting acid in our crotchety old managers coffee yet that fucker still fired me!

PS:

Sorry mom but your son is an asshole.

Edit to add:

No wonder Woolco is no longer around.

Edited September 5, 2005 by Guest

[Booche]

Oh yeah, I got fired DJing for the college campus pub at St Larry's because the songs I played were "too long". Come to think of it, I quit before they had their chance but who knows. I was stoned all the time. I do remember getting in trouble from some dude that wasnt the manager,

"Yeah, so Bob the manager wants me to tell you that your songs are too long and you have to play shorter ones."

"Really? Tell that fucking dickwad to come in here and say it to my face. I know he is here right now."

I proceeded to put on Dark Star from Live Dead on and dedicate it to him..............

The rest is a 'yelling' blur. My sets were INCREDIBLY well received in that the bar had more people when I was spinning than the other so-called DJ's. Bar sales were probably down a bit because it was almost all stoned hippies vs the regular construction workers but that is beside the point. They wanted a more "high profile student presence" and I offered exactly that.

PS:

Sorry mom but your son is an asshole.

Edited September 5, 2005 by Guest

[Jaimoe]

Booche, I remember you DJ-ing at St. Larry's, and you told me that one of the clinchers for you getting fired was when you played Dark Star followed by Jessica.

Reading the Woolco work firing story, one question comes to mind: How'd you ever get hired in the first place?

[Booche]

Hahhahahahhahaha, that's right. I immediately put on Jessica after Dark Star and ended with GDTRFB > Not Fade Away from the "Skullfuck" album!

How'd you ever get hired in the first place?

I was preppy when they hired me. I showed up to my interview with shortly groomed hear, wearing penny loafers (with a penny inside each shoe) and a Polo shirt.

2 years later, I was a full-on wook (see above , although I am not implying that wooks are assholes or thieves or that they piss in public and do drugs.)

[color:purple]I dont know which version of Booche I hated more.

[Jaimoe]

You were a better hockey player when you wore penny-loafers.

[Booche]

I wouldnt be me hadnt I been a wookie. Now, "I'm just a wookie in disguise."

[color:purple]Hockey sucks!

[Jaimoe]

Make your pool pick already! We've been waiting since Friday!

[Booche]

Bertuzzi is gone?

That's it!

The Punk is fired..................

[headymamamyrna]

Apparently this so called penny loafer,asshole wookie no longer has a mother!

[SmoothedShredder]

Lol Booche... I couldn't imgaine having to go thorough that many interviews!!! I've never been fired... but I've also never had a boss I've liked too much... give em an inch... and they take a mile I tell's ya!

[Lazlo]

Iwas fired once (surprisingly enough) for questioning the fact that I was being cheated out of hours. He tried to fuck me on my unemployment but I won.

Now, what I should have been fired for.

-sleeping in watermelon bins

-getting high in the parking lot

-attaching a mirror to my desk so I could do lines

-throwing rotten fruit

-chasing the Mexican lady with a dead mouse

-telling customers that they're idiots and to fuck off

-throwing snowballs at customers from the roof

-making a driver think he crushed my legs

-sticking rigid fruits and vegetables down my pants

-putting the Hallowe'en dummies in lude positions

-dirty phrases on the billboard

-eating my weight in junk food everyday

-taking the forklift through the Harvey's drive-thru

[hamilton]

I once got fired because management thought that I was a different employee - they had me confused with this other guy named Mike who kept calling in sick every Friday night.

[Tooly]

-taking the forklift through the Harvey's drive-thru

pure gold!!

[Deeps]

I once got fired from being a Residence Assistance @ u of Guelph for providing some students with low quantities of green.

Dime bags at the most and always from my stash...not a dealer @ all.

Turns out the putz that ratted me out was this dick who's girlfriend had to sleep on my floor one night cuz she was afraid he was going to hit her again. She was 4"10.

Asswipe didn't even go to the school and he was one who I'd helped out with a joint before I knew he was such a low life. He got pinched for not having a guest pass so he was true to low life form and ratted me out.

There was 6 weeks left in the semester, I had mono and was re-located to another res, despite the protest from ALL of the kids in my hall.

Weird time in my life, those days were!

Edited September 6, 2005 by Guest

[popo weenie]

so mama left

if you only knew booche really did drive a car at 11 years of age, funny funny

[Booche]

if you only knew booche really did drive a car at 11 years of age, funny funny

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE DRUNK AS FUCK!

[popo weenie]

oh you won ,so i suppose you are a lawyer now

i bet the smell is from animal in you