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Drugstore Confuses Super Glue With Hemorrhoid Cream


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TURNER JENSEN, a pharmacist in Skyfine, Wyo., got into a sticky spot after he confused Super Glue with hemorrhoid cream, says an E.R. physician who treated several victims.

"All over town, people were sealing their anuses shut, while school kids were crying because they couldn't make their projects stick together," says Dr. Ryan Seasee.

Delroy Montgomery, a 45-year-old rodeo rider, was one victim of the mistake.

"My 'roids were burning, and I was scheduled to ride the bucking bull," says Montgomery. "Dr. Jensen gave me the tube and I took it home and applied it liberally, hoping for that soothing relief."

When it came time for his turn at the rodeo, Montgomery mounted the bull, but quickly blacked out from anal pain. An ambulance rushed him to Our Lady Of Dripping Blood Hospital, where he joined the crowd of perplexed patients.

Mrs. Edna Dalloway was one of them. "I suffer from chronic diarrhea," says the 65-year-old librarian. "After I used the lotion Mr. Jensen gave me, I couldn't even break wind! Before I could get to the hospital my stomach blew up so big it looked like I was nine months pregnant."

Dr. Seasee examined the patients and immediately discovered the problem. He easily dissolved the glue with solvent.

The red-faced pharmacist apologized to the residents.

"I have to keep the glue behind the counter because of the kids huffing it," explains Jensen. "I'm so sorry for the mix-up."


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