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from the home office in tuscaloosa alabama...

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And the Number one song is...................

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

disclaimer: somebody else made these up.

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i just heard #4!!!

"you're the reason our kids are ugly" is by conway twitty, and it's brilliant!

You're the reason I'm a-ridin' 'round on recapped tyres.

An' you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on walls.

An' you're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.

Ah but looks ain't everything,

And money ain't everything.

But' I love you just the same.

You're the reason I changed to beer from soda pop.

An' you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop.

You're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.

Oh, but looks ain't everything,

And money ain't everything.

But' I love you just the same.

I guess that we won't ever have, everything we need.

'Cause when we get ahead, it's got another mouth to feed.

And that's the reason my good looks and my figure's gone.

And that's the reason I ain't got no hair to comb.

An' you're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.

Ah but looks ain't everything,

And money ain't everything.

But' I love you just the same.

Conway, why in the devil don't you gon and shave an' put on a clean pair of pants?

Loretta, look at yourself.

I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair an' go put on a little bit of make up.

An' get out of the housecoat before supper.

Ha! Well let me tell you somethin', Conway.

Considerin' everything I went through today, I look like a movie star.

Yeah, Ruth Cassidy!

Thank you.

Besides that, all of our kids took after your part of our family anyway.

Oh they did, huh? What about the one's that's bald?

Well, I guess you might say they took after me.

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