timouse Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 from the home office in tuscaloosa alabama...16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure2. She's Looking Better After Every BeerAnd the Number one song is...................1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With A Fewdisclaimer: somebody else made these up.-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmelbatoast Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 You ever hear that song by Bloodhound Gang called 'The Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Evil_Mouse Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 (edited) My God, Tim, those are priceless!Just saw Crash the other night (not the Cronenberg one), so country music references are still pretty striking. Edited January 12, 2006 by Guest an "oh yeah" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 I respectfully refuse to take part in this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 aw Tim, goddamn it but a gut-busting chuckle (3 or 4 actually) sure was appreciated. Thanks for posting this!I'm actually inspired to write some of the lyrics...numbers 14, 8, 7 and 5 are all top-ten hits for me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGoodRev Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 The Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is CryingI just cried laughing for about ten minutes after reading that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 I thought the strippers were supposed to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YearsAlongTheSea Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss HimI see the "Bro'z before Ho'z" ethic has made it into mainstream country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooly Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 what about "humidity built the snowman" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YearsAlongTheSea Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 what about "humidity built the snowman"Humidity turned the snowman all moldy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradm Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now 5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger This one's vaguely similar to "She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft"... Aloha, Brad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timouse Posted January 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 i just heard #4!!!"you're the reason our kids are ugly" is by conway twitty, and it's brilliant!You're the reason I'm a-ridin' 'round on recapped tyres.An' you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on walls.An' you're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.Ah but looks ain't everything,And money ain't everything.But' I love you just the same.You're the reason I changed to beer from soda pop.An' you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop.You're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.Oh, but looks ain't everything,And money ain't everything.But' I love you just the same.I guess that we won't ever have, everything we need.'Cause when we get ahead, it's got another mouth to feed.And that's the reason my good looks and my figure's gone.And that's the reason I ain't got no hair to comb.An' you're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.Ah but looks ain't everything,And money ain't everything.But' I love you just the same.Conway, why in the devil don't you gon and shave an' put on a clean pair of pants?Loretta, look at yourself.I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair an' go put on a little bit of make up.An' get out of the housecoat before supper.Ha! Well let me tell you somethin', Conway.Considerin' everything I went through today, I look like a movie star.Yeah, Ruth Cassidy!Thank you.Besides that, all of our kids took after your part of our family anyway.Oh they did, huh? What about the one's that's bald?Well, I guess you might say they took after me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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