My border crossing story.

[bradm]

FreekerByTheSpeaker and I went to Winooski, VT in October, 2003 to see Keller Williams at (the old) Higher Ground. We get to the border crossing, and were asked the usual questions. Since we were just going overnight (and actually staying in the US less than 24 hours), and were a couple of scruffy hippie types, we figured we'd get told to come inside for some questions.

Sure enough, they told us to pull over and come on in. We didn't figure there'd be any problem, as the car was a rental (and was squeaky clean) and we had almost nothing with us, so even if we got searched, it wouldn't take long.

We go inside, and the guard behind the desk has already run our IDs through the system. (I had a passport, Freeker a Nova Scotia driver's license.) He asked us a couple of the usual questions, and then turned to me and said, "So, how was the Phish concert?"

"What Phish concert?"

"The Phish concert you went to."

"No, which Phish concert. I've been to about 12 Phish concerts this year."

"The one you crossed at Van Buren, Maine to see."

"Oh, the IT festival..."

When we went to IT, we got seriously searched at the border, and they had a record of the search associated with my passport.

"...The festival was cool. There were about 65,000 fans there..."

"65,000?!? Wow, when Jerry died*, everybody thought the Deadheads would get jobs. I guess they became Phishheads. And, man, Van Buren, Maine is a hole. Go on, guys, and get out of here. Have fun!"

And off we went.

Aloha,

Brad

* Think about a US border guard saying this.

[AD]

* Think about a US border guard saying this.

ok - done. i got nothing. people like music and are aware of current and past events regardless of their job.

[gentlemonkey]

i love your story dima, true or not.

[briguy]

I’ve got a few good ones. I might be a bit off on the dialogue but this is pretty much it.

McCartney and I pull up to the border at Lewiston.

Guard: citizenship?

Shane: canadian

Brian: canadian

Guard: where you going?

Brian: buffalo to drop off some posters and tickets for a concert in Hamilton

Guard: have anything else with you?

Shane: some CD’s

Guard: you have seeds?

Shane and Brian: No, no, no, not seeds - CD’s

Guard: please pull ahead and park your car

Different time coming back.

Guard: your last name is McCartney, any relation to Paul? (with a snicker)

Shane: yes actually

Bus load of hippies coming back from the Grateful Dead in Cleveland. Bus pulls up and the guard comes on.

Guard: (long stare) - everyone canadian?

Passengers: yes

Guard: (long stare) - you’re all coming back from the Grateful Dead concert?

Passengers: yes

Guard: (even longer stare) – okay, sing me a verse of St. Stephen and you can all go

I have some other good ones and I’ll try and write more.

[afro poppa]

Guard: (long stare) - everyone canadian?

Passengers: yes

Guard: (long stare) - you’re all coming back from the Grateful Dead concert?

Passengers: yes

Guard: (even longer stare) – okay, sing me a verse of St. Stephen and you can all go

thats great!

id say my best one that i can remember would have to be baj goin to grateful fest and the gaurd took one look at my passport picture and laughed. He said "this is the first time in 5 years working i've seen someones head not fit in their passport picture" i said "what do I win?" and he said "i don't think you want the kinds of prizes we give" and he let us through...

great times

[StoneMtn]

I knew a guy who actually had a similar experience as the last one you posted.

It's a long chain of events, but in a nutshell he was on his way back to Canada driving a car. The car belonged to someone else, and the guy I know was carrying someone else's ID (because he is not allowed into the States). The guy was also not licensed to drive, and funnily enough that was also the case for the person who loaned him the ID under which he was travelling, so the guy I know was only carrying that other guy's birth certificate.

So.... if you're following, this guy pulls up to the border in someone else's car, with a further person's birth certificate, and neither the guy driving nor the guy who actually owns the birth certificate are allowed to drive.

Border Patrol looks into the car, and sees only a guitar. That is all he had with him; no luggage, nothing.

"Citizenship?"

"Canadian"

"Do you have anything to declare?"

"I have nothing at all with me, other than my guitar."

"Do you know any Neil Young?"

(This guy was in a Neil Young cover band, coincidentally enough.)

"Yes, I do."

"Play me a Neil Young song."

(he does)

"You're free to go. Welcome home."

[Schwa.]

* Think about a US border guard saying this.

ok - done. i got nothing. people like music and are aware of current and past events regardless of their job.

your supreme common sense astounds me dude. talk about getting nothing from a post.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

border guard inspecting our duty free shop receipts- Who's drinking the scotch?

Me- Me

BG- You're too young to be drinking whisky

me- I was raised on whisky

BG- [Laughs] have a fun trip!

(this is very much an exception- i've spent hours and hours of my life at the Gananoque crossing)

Edited May 4, 2007 by Guest
typos

[AD]

talk about getting nothing from a post.

right back at you.

my point, in different terms, which does have merit i believe, is: why are people astounded when border guards behave just like real people?

[briguy]

I knew a guy who actually had a similar experience as the last one you posted.

It's a long chain of events, but in a nutshell he was on his way back to Canada driving a car. The car belonged to someone else, and the guy I know was carrying someone else's ID (because he is not allowed into the States). The guy was also not licensed to drive, and funnily enough that was also the case for the person who loaned him the ID under which he was travelling, so the guy I know was only carrying that other guy's birth certificate.

So.... if you're following, this guy pulls up to the border in someone else's car, with a further person's birth certificate, and neither the guy driving nor the guy who actually owns the birth certificate are allowed to drive.

Border Patrol looks into the car, and sees only a guitar. That is all he had with him; no luggage, nothing.

"Citizenship?"

"Canadian"

"Do you have anything to declare?"

"I have nothing at all with me, other than my guitar."

"Do you know any Neil Young?"

(This guy was in a Neil Young cover band, coincidentally enough.)

"Yes, I do."

"Play me a Neil Young song."

(he does)

"You're free to go. Welcome home."

That rules!

One time on the way to see the Grateful Dead at Pine Knob MI, again on a party bus, me and another person used the exact same id, right after one another. We were young, stupid, and full of confidence, and it worked. The funniest thing was he was black and I’m white. He obviously didn’t use my photo ID but it added to the hilarity of it. Good times..

[secondtube]

i've never ever had a bad trip back into Canada....

probably over 40 crossings.....

the US, well, thats another story.

however, Tommy Gardner made it across into the US in the Further Bus, on the way to NYE Big Cypress, without being allowed to go into the states....

all of the time with some 'stuff' in his crotch....

if he made it, anyone can.

[Schwa.]

why are people astounded when border guards behave just like real people?

Glad you're there to keep us straight man.

[dancingbear]

thats what you get for doing volunteer medical work.....

you'd want different levels of treatment at the border depending on someone's perception of what the person does or believes?

No AD, i dont. i want the SAME treatment at the border. the same treatment i give people, of all types and backgrounds. That being the treatment of people with respect and dignity. I read once of someone who said you dont have to gain my respect, I give everybody it right away, and its yours to lose. i agree with that person.

my point was it really sucks to give your time, money and effort to try to make a difference, (and as a byproduct your helping give a good name to canadians) and to come back and get treated like s>>t while trying to enter you home country.

i'm not sure why you posted your comment? did my tone actually come across as that's what i would want? it seems to me you added something completely extraneous to my ramblings.

[NewRider]

however, Tommy Gardner made it across into the US in the Further Bus, on the way to NYE Big Cypress, without being allowed to go into the states....

all of the time with some 'stuff' in his crotch....

if he made it, anyone can.

TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNER! hahaha... that was hilarious. That was the time I told the border guard that I'm retired!

[phorbesie]

[ why are people astounded when border guards behave just like real people?

cuz they're NOT! they are warped (mostly).

[briguy]

however' date=' Tommy Gardner made it across into the US in the Further Bus, on the way to NYE Big Cypress, without being allowed to go into the states....

all of the time with some 'stuff' in his crotch....

if he made it, anyone can. [/quote']

TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNER! hahaha... that was hilarious. That was the time I told the border guard that I'm retired!

Fuck I love you guys .... you make me laugh sooooo much.

"retired"

that's classic dude

[AD]

schwa - what's your beef?

dancingbear - i read your first post like because you were doing a noble cause, you were entitled to something 'different' at the border. what does it matter if you were returning from doing good deeds? what if you went to get cheap gas? just struck me as odd that you phrased it as "thats what you get for doing volunteer medical work" like somehow what you were doing and how you are treated is connected via a value judgement.

but anyways, you made a decent point. although the treatment you give people and want back might not be conducive to keeping bad people out. maybe it is. but they do their jobs a certain way for a reason. nobody likes going through it. but it's better they're there than not.

[Schwa.]

no beef man, never had one, never will.

just reacting to your comment not unlike you did to bradm and dancingbear. short, opinionated and to the point.

still love ya.

[AD]

mmmmmmm beef

i think border people are normal people (because they are - anyone can do it) put into a stressful job (which they are) with big consquences if they fuck up. too bad if we don't like their questions.

[phorbesie]

hey remember when we made that list of all the countries we had been to collectively? there was a couple hundred countries on that list.

my question to all....have you ever been treated REALLY badly by customs officers in other foreign countries?

i know customs are there for a reason, that's completely obvious. but they DON'T have to be assholes.

myself, i have been to probably 30 countries and i have NEVER been treated ONCE the way i have been CONSISTENTLY shittily treated at the US border, for no reason.

there is a reason why US border guards have a bad name and rep. cuz it's true. i don't buy that 'the poor guys are just doing their job' bullshit one bit.

/rant!

[dancingbear]

.

but but it's better they're there than not.

is it?

so many lives have been lost and hurt to draw imaginary lines on this earth.

it gets me angry just thinking about how much money the U.S. has put into increased security at the u.s./canada border since 9/11....helicopters, more people, more guns.

as my bumper sticker says..."it will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber".

[Baj]

.

but but it's better they're there than not.

is it?

so many lives have been lost and hurt to draw imaginary lines on this earth.

it gets me angry just thinking about how much money the U.S. has put into increased security at the u.s./canada border since 9/11....helicopters' date=' more people, more guns.

as my bumper sticker says..."it will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber".

[/quote']

nice

[guigsy]

too bad if we don't like their questions.

i have no problem with tough questions.

perhaps you've just never been mistreated, disrespected, or met with total rudeness at the border - fair to you - but an unfair comment i quoted if you think people just like to whine about questions they're asked - there are ways to treat people, and ways not to treat people, and you can still do the job very well.

[dancingbear]

i know customs are there for a reason, that's completely obvious. but they DON'T have to be assholes.

myself, i have been to probably 30 countries and i have NEVER been treated ONCE the way i have been CONSISTENTLY shittily treated at the US border, for no reason.

there is a reason why US border guards have a bad name and rep. cuz it's true. i don't buy that 'the poor guys are just doing their job' bullshit one bit.

/rant!

agreed!

and no never ever had a problem going into another country. to relate to my earlier story...when I entered Guyana, same grateful dead t-shirt, backpack full of NOTHING but pharmaceutical drugs, and all th guy said was "doctor?" . i replied yes and that was it. imagine trying that going into the states to try and service some of their FIFTY MILLION people without health insurance.

[phorbesie]

hehe...no i can't imagine that would work out to well for ya!

regardless, i'm not even trying to say that other countries just let you breeze in (though some might).

in other countries, i've had to jump through hoops, been made to wait hours, plenty of stuff. but the officers were not purposefully mean and it was dignified. i've never been treated like complete garbage the way the US guys do.