Heady Vibes For The Kungster...

[Jared]

For the record as anoying as the guy is I hope it all works out for you / him.

the last time I heard a story like this, it ended very sadly. Some of you may have known a guy named Mike, he was very involved in OM festivla, and designed geo-desic domes and stuff. When I was working with Yo at purehemp. He had a loft in the same building as our office. He was actually the person who told me about OM and got me to go out there a few years back. He used to spend all his time in his loft making art and doing god knows what, or building new things out in the parking lot.

We would hang out with him ocasionaly, mostly for a spliff or if we were bored at night, and he'd come by our office when he was bored. He was always a bit "high strung" but over time he began becoming very paranoid of everyone ( parents, police, doctors, friends) After a few talks it became aparent he was having mental issues, and probably did most of his life. It got to the point where someone in his building aparently called the police because they were worried about him. He was becoming more and more parinoid, and got to the point he would not leave his loft. He claimed that the police took him someplace and beat him and told him that if he "acted" crazy when then doctor came, they would kill him. ( his story ) He said the took him to a hospital for an evaluation, and he pretended he was fine, out of fear of the police. He said the hospital said he was fine and released him.

A few weeks after that, while visiting him, He claimed that now the russian mob and the government were trying to kill him. He beleaved it was because while downloading porn of kazaa, he had accidentialy downloaded some "top secrete" files. He Beleaved that while he was masturbating to porn on his computer a spy had put a small camera under his door and filmed him, and that the govermnet or mob were using that to blackmail him for the files he had.

It got to the point where one of the last times we saw him, he would not go threw the building to his loft. He made us climb the east fire escape from our 1st floor window to the 2nd floor hall window, then cross the 2nd floor hall, to the west side, and out that window on the fire escape, up to the third floor. where we had to walk threw the building to the east fire escape again, and then to the 3rd floor, and so one to the 8th floor. We entered threw his window. He had painted all the windows black and covered them with paper and cardboard. he has nailed his door shut and then boarded it up. He had taken apart all his computers and smashed all the parts. and the floor was covered in old newspapers. ( this was not a small place ) he had us sit on the floor and then showed us how every article in the paper was directed at him, things like "leafs loose" He would say. " i like leaves so that means me, and its says in going to loose, and they mean this fight with the mob" he spent about an hour doing this. We were both pretty scared, and pretty much waiting for the ax to come out, or to find a head in the fridge.

To make a long story short. Shortly after that visit, we didn't see him very often, A few times we saw him trying to sell things, or whatever to make money, so he could "get away" from the mob or government. He had some map he drew of where he was going deep into the northern woods to a mine. We were never really close with him or knew him well, and just figured something was being done to help him. Or he was full of shit. He had alot of very close friends, and we heard stories of his parents coming from out of town to find him and get him help.

We didn't really think it was our call, or would matter if we did or said anything to him or his friends. I personly felt like it would be rude, not knowing him very well.

The last time I saw him, was late one night. I was returning from a vending gig, probably around 4 am on a monday night. I went to our office to unload, and saw his parents picking him up. It was like a jail break scene from a movie. dark car, he was hiding in the bushes. I heard his parents had to convince him that they made a deal with the FBI to help him, and that the FBI made sure the mob and spys were distracted for enought time for him to get in there car and hide. I heard he was staying with his parents over the next week. But they could not get him to go with them for help. ( on account of his thinking the police told him to act normal a few weeks before ). I heard it got to the point where there were starting to get scared around him to, and asked the police so come help take him in to the "loony bin". I heard he saw the police cars from the window of there apartment and ran and hid in the building, not even knowing if they were there for him or another reason. Aparently his parents talked the police into sending some guys in a normal car and not in uniform, and to act like there were going into the place to fix something, or whatever. When his parents opened the door and he saw 2 guys there, he panniced and ran out the back door of there apartment. Aparently not realizing or thinking it was very high up. He fell to his death.

The only reason I bring this up, Is because as bad as I am at expressing my point threw typing, and often like to go out of my way to be an ass. Reading Luke's "Story" really bring this back to me. The things he "say's" are "happening" are almost exactly the same as things our friend would tell us. switch a few details around and its as if Luke is reading a script of Mike's story. I don't know if either story are true, or figments of a broken imagination. After reading what Luke typed, I had an immage in my head of the homeless guy at the corrner we have all seen. Mumbeling about the governmet and whatever, and alot of the time holding a sign saying there trying to get home. Running away from somthing like this regardless of if its tre or not, won't help. ( if the governmet or mob were after you, i'm sure they would find you no matter where you went, and leaving the country would only make it easier) I guess those guys we see trying to get some change to get further away or closer home had no one to stop them, and that sucks.

Not that my feelings matter, but after all this happened with our friend I was very confused and scared, and felt like it was partily my fault. Coming from a good family, growing up in suburbia, and not really being exposed to all the aspects of life, especially the bad sides, I never thought this type of things could happen. I never really beleaved in the mob, or organised crime, would have never doubted the police, or beleave the could beat someone for no reason. Or that bad things really could happen to people with no one caring. In my up bringing if I would have taken one to many rittalin on day I would have been sent to rehab and councilors, family therapy. and whatever else there was. If I told anyone I knew any thing like Luke or my friend Mike had to say. I would have been in 24 hour help. the first time. My parents don't even beleave me a cop took his gun out of his holster when puling me over.

Odviously, As I grew and exposed my self to life, I learn't alot of things I thought were true were not. Things like people do get shot in the street, and people do suffer, and do things like somke crack. I"ve been in jail, I've been arrested more then once, but I still never thought things like theses guys say could happen. I was shocked when 20 min ago I read on Wikipedia, that police actually do beat people at cherry beach. Before reading that I would have never beleaved it, and still am shocked that its so puplicaly known its in the encyclopedia under the name of the beach.

I'm not saying I think its true or not, and I still lie to think its all BS and people who took to many drugs. But I will say that after reading Luke's ( I think ) post over a year ago, about getting beaten up at the silver dollar by the bouncer, for no reason. I haven't gone there, I wouldn't say if he story was true or not, and defianlty know the whole story. But still to be safe I've stayed away from there, and every time I pass that bar I think of it.

What I am getting at and the point to all this is that, after our friend passed away. We both felt pretty shitty, and I just the word guilty. It really made me think about life and the situation. A few times after seeing him, I recall us joking around, about how crazy he was, and how weird it was. We talked about if it was just like a big drug bender, or if someone could actually think like him sober. Neither of us had any experance with mentaly health, or knew what was really going on. We only knew him maybe over a year, and never really talked or hung out other then to smoke a quick joing or chill out side. He had alot of really close friends. He was alywas with the same 3 guys, almost every time we saw him. I'd say we hung out maybe 20 times for under a half hour at most each time, and to be honest we really knew little about him at all. We kept thinking and saying things like if he really was going crazy his friends would know beter then us, and that maybe he was always like this, and I remember talking about how it must just be his personality, because none of his closer friends look at him weird or flinch when he would go off into his paranoid rants. The bottom line is weather expressed or not, we both pretty much had the feeling that if he needs help someone will help him. We figured if his friends who knew him there whole life wern't doing anything, I definatly wasn't our place too. I know that what happened to him isn't our fault, and I was neither trained, mature enought or involved enought to make any diffrence. I'm sure alot of the actions I thought I could have taken would have made it worse, or made his death my fault.

The key point is that atfer relizing that, and coming ot terms with what happened. I still felt bad. It made me really think of all the times I've said "its not my problum" or "its not my busniess" and assumed that everyone had a strong suport structure to help them when the need it. Like i was raised to beleave. It really made me aware of all the times i saw someone breaking the law, and figured some one else would call the cops. or saw an accident or injured person, and thought someone else will stop and help them. When ever I see a give blood comershal, or join the army ad. I think to my self " I would never go give my bllod, or join the army" I know that if I don't there will still be blood if I need it, and I know that the wars are still going on, and I'm safe, so why fight.

I'm not a bad person, and I don't think my thoughts make me one. Its the way I was raised. But all this taught me that just because I have people there for meor a "support structure" as i like to call it. Doesn't mean that everyone does. I don't mean to sound ignorany, But most of my life everyone I know had a family that would do anything for them. I never knew of someone not getting help, if they needed it, seeing the best doctors, or going with out things. I know that there are people who can't afford rent, or even food, I just never bothered to think why. In alot of situations its really easy to say its not my problum, or to convince yourself that someone else with fix it. but the bottom line is SOMETIMES THERE IS NO ONE. Like I said, I'm petty sure it was too late for us to help our friend. but instead of waititng for someone to help him, we could have at least tried. Or spent the time to try and figure out how or if we could help. The thing that bothers me the most about the passing of a reall good man, was that I still think that the only reason his situation got to the point is did, was because everyone involded kept saying " i can't help" and "Its not our problum" or " we're not involved". I'm feel like his outer circle of friend, including us convinced ourselves, and figured that his close friends, who see him every day are going to help him, and I'm sure his close friends convinced themselves his family or closer friends would help him. His parents didn't really know how bad it was till it was to late, They were not very close and didn't keep in touch. I'm sure his parents and family in hamilton, expected that his close friends, and "family" in toronto were looking out for him. I think we were all wrong. Back then I would have never thought the need for me to call his parents. I would have been embaresed to mention it, and felt it was in no way my place to randomly call some guy I barley knows mom, and ask if he is crazy. But now thinking back. I would have made that tiny effort, regardless of my feelings, I could have saved his life or at least got the ball rolling alot sooner.

I only say all this because I don't know Luke. I don't really want to. But aot of the time I see everyone saying i hope you get the help you need and so one. I know some people know him from way back. I'm not saying anyone should do anything, or get involved, or whatever. I just hope that people that know him and maybe care about him, are looking out for him. The government, hospitals, and jails don't have the resoruces, staff or really care to help people, or go the extra mile. There more concerned with getting sued and looking good. I really pray that someone trained or a friend takes the time to help him figure all this out. before he ends up living on the streets mongolia, mumbeling about the mob and a girl in the uk. It could be as small as taking to people that can get him help from people that will help, and know how to actually help him out of this. It could be as eazy as calling a dr and convincing them he actually beleaves what he says.

If all this is true, I hope you work it out. In most movied getting a pile of weapons and going after the people trying to set you up generaly works. Most of the time the victem ends up with a hot girl too.

but seriously I hope you figure this out, regardless of how anoying you are.

[Cully]

Get well soon Luke. All the best.

[Tricky]

The whole point is, (once again), that Luke believes this is real, that it is real to him. It doesn't need to be backed up, validated or anything. He doesn't need someone to tell him it's not real or that it is real, he just needs people to listen to him, and obviously he trusts this community enough to tell his tale openly. He's not delusional, he's not warped, he's an individual going through a very rough time and needs a community of caring people to listen objectively and acknowledge his need for acceptance.

Edited June 20, 2007 by Guest

[scottieking]

First and foremost, to Luke, I'd like to express continued concern and support in your general direction (I tire of cliches in this matter)

And not to hi-jack this thread but to Jared, that is the single greatest contribution you have made to this community. Not that you have to write that much everytime, but the effort (and humanity for a change) is appreciated.

[boiler]

Yes, thanks for sharing that Jared. I guess the devil does have a heart.

[timouse]

First and foremost, to Luke, I'd like to express continued concern and support in your general direction (I tire of cliches in this matter)

And not to hi-jack this thread but to Jared, that is the single greatest contribution you have made to this community. Not that you have to write that much everytime, but the effort (and humanity for a change) is appreciated.

what he said. i hope luke can sort himself out, and jared, that was brilliant.

[zero]

The whole point is, (once again), that Luke believes this is real, that it is real to him. It doesn't need to be backed up, validated or anything. He doesn't need someone to tell him it's not real or that it is real, he just needs people to listen to him, and obviously he trusts this community enough to tell his tale openly. He's not delusional, he's not warped, he's an individual going through a very rough time and needs a community of caring people to listen objectively and acknowledge his need for acceptance.

Look I've got to address this 'Adelle' thing because Allison and Aaron (NewRider) have apparently conversed with them as has Weirdness (Pete). I have other friends that have conversed with her as well. She seems like a lovely person- I think it highly unlikely she's some sort of intelligence professional but why do I consider it so unlikely- I mean Mitre alone employs 7.5 million intelligence pros for the US. I could see the British or American governement using a tool like myspace to gather information about individuals. But enough of the fantastical speculation- the fact of the matter is she was fanatical about me moving to England to be with her as soon as possible (May 1st was a sort of deadline). She hysterically (increasingly) insisted on this deadline even as it affected my mental health trying to pack up all my things, sell stuff (I sold a $900 bike for $90 for instance), get documents in place. She also had her ex 'Ed' visiting her often and would tell me about him rubbing her hair with her head in his lap and other sort of torturous stuff. She was also painfully beautiful.

Basically you have to use stripper logic in life - if it sounds like a hustle - it's a hustle. This woman also called me on things that she could only have known if she was actually psychic or if she had been in my myspace account and correspondence. I believe it was the latter. In any case I get very dark feelings and vibes when I think of her - I'm not heartbroken I'm scared of her (sure heartbroken too but I haven't had a chance to process that because of the substantial physical abuse).

I just need some positivity and support here. I know what's true because I've been dealing with serious levels of law enforcement here. I can't talk much about this aspect. I also had undercover officers in the prison population looking out for me- I wasn't having some delusion they were actually undercovers. I was also taking medication the whole time I was in jail.

People get over manic episodes and delusions and realize the error of their ways. You're never going to hear me back down from the fact that I was pursued, offered bribes (or notably what APPEARED to be bribes) and beaten by mafiosa and police, jail guards and captains. This stuff all actually happened and at least in terms of the beatings there are substantial records at St. Mikes and the Don now Toronto Jail. I had to have consults with a neurosurgeon and head injury specialist afte a second round of tests at St. Mikes where they shuffled me around in a guantanamo orange jumper, leg manacles and handcuffs (that part was pretty badass admittedly).

In any case I appreciate everyone's concern I really do. You can't cry in jail or if you do you knock it off quick and wipe away the tears. Now I feel like I have a giant well of tears backed up and I can't begin to let them out because it's been a long time since anyone showed me any kindness in person and I don't know how to respond. Even being touched is a great challenge.

[Cully]

I hope that you remember not to bite the hand that is trying to help you and provide 'positivity and support.'

Remember that people do care about you.

Take Care.

[NewRider]

Stay outta this Cully! When can I see your smiling face again you beautiful mother fu#$er?

[zero]

Thanks, 'it's been a long, a long time coming but I know a change is gonna come'.

Getting over this physical trauma in particular is going to be a long and slow process and I'm not sure who's the best person to help me deal with the post-trauma. The idea of going to a counsellor and having someone ask 'and what did it feel like when they clubbed you in the head til you pissed all over yourself, passed out and had a seizure' is not to appealing. It makes you want to club someone in the face and ask them how that felt and times it by about 80 when people ask those questions. I'm still really edgy about anyone even touching me, I could use in particular female companionship but wouldn't know where to start. Fug!

Anyways this is admittedly really heavy stuff and I was guilty of biting the hand that fed me- the shit that I was dealing with on a spiritual level was just more than anyone could help with. Now I'm not so much concerned with free speech as I have in the past - that got beaten out of me frannkly- plus I'm very soft spoken most of the time now. I'm more concerned with basic human dignity and if I haven't offered that to others I do apologize.

[bradm]

Getting over this physical trauma in particular is going to be a long and slow process and I'm not sure who's the best person to help me deal with the post-trauma. The idea of going to a counsellor and having someone ask 'and what did it feel like when they clubbed you in the head til you pissed all over yourself, passed out and had a seizure' is not to appealing.

Would some kind of group counselling or a support group work better, maybe?

It sounds like you're on a more healthy path now, and I hope it continues, zero; I value your positive contributions to the community/scene, even if the opinions you express are sometimes negative.

Aloha,

Brad

[Davey Boy 2.0]

you could always start on July 16th - Def Leppard w/ Kim Mitchell, rumour has it there'll be loads of skanky ho's there

seriously though, i hope you're on the mend

[Booche]

The idea of going to a counsellor

And that's just it. It is an 'idea' in your head. You would probably be surprised how much it can and would help. All the best.

[Alexis]

jeah, counsellors don't really do the stereotypical "and how did that make you feel?" response to everything you say. that's more reserved for real shrinks. and even then, not all do that.

you should give it a try, if someones style really isn't sitting right with you, look at why it's irking you so, maybe it's hitting a nerve you don't want to acknowledge, or maybe they're full of BS. either way, give it a try, presuming the worst outcome possible and not even trying doesn't fix things.

and as an after thought, counsellors or shrinks that do aggrivating things, or ask questions that seem to have obvious answers and it drives you nuts, well, those sessions are good places to learn to live with, deal with and process your aggrevation through effective communication.

it's all an exploration of self, have fun with it and don't worry - you're not so bad.

[dimafleck: the living legend.]

you're all freakin nuts.

[balogna pogna]

you could always start on July 16th - Def Leppard w/ Kim Mitchell

It would feel good to go and see Kim Mitchell's set and then leave just as Def Leppard takes the stage. It would be even better if they know you are leaving because of them and that you were really just there to see Kim Mitchell.

[Tricky]

you could always start on July 16th - Def Leppard w/ Kim Mitchell

It would feel good to go and see Kim Mitchell's set and then leave just as Def Leppard takes the stage. It would be even better if they know you are leaving because of them and that you were really just there to see Kim Mitchell.

pour some sugar on that "Leppard"!

[bouche]

I hope that you've got more support and people to confide in other than people over the internet. This all sounds way too serious to share in forums. I honestly cannot imagine the pain you've been enduring. It takes a strong person to have a positive attitude after all of that. Hold onto that going and you'll find and receive the help and answers that you're looking for.

[zero]

thanks again