Is Toronto one of the worst places to meet new people?

[The Chameleon]

Question: Is Toronto one of the worst places to meet new people, especially for dating?

I ask as I have a couple friends from out of town (one from the US and one from Europe) who both were shocked at how cold, standoffish and generally rude people were when they socialized in this town. They both remarked to me how confused they were that Toronto is a beautiful and safe city but the people were so cold.

They both related to me that they thought it would be very difficult to get to know people that were not "friends of friends" here.

I kinda knew this all along being a life long Torontonian, and having traveled a lot, but I guess I forgot and just accepted it. I also just accept that you don't talk to people (especially of the opposite sex) in Toronto, that you7 don't know unless they talk to you first or you are introduced, as you will be looked at like you are serial rapist or a complete sleaze bag player.

What are your views? Agree or disagree? And why do you think Toronto had this reputation of being a socially cold place and a terrible place to meet people in general? Take into account the size of the city has no impact as I have been to many equally large cities in the US that are not like T.O.

What is the deal in this town? This is not the first time friends of mine from out of town have commented on this.

Edited July 29, 2007 by Guest

[Cully]

Depends where you hang out in T.O.

[geomouse]

I've stayed with family and friends downtown on more than one occasion and when out in the neighbourhoods I feel comfortable and easily able to interact socially. The same for any club experiences. Having someone dismiss me after weakly sparking conversation on the street or at a show, in any town any size, doesn't surprise me. Usually half my humour is wasted. In T.O. half is wasted, some more is drowned out and the rest probably just isn't funny.

If I was looking for a date, though I wouldn't know where to begin.

[YearsAlongTheSea]

I was born here, raised most everywhere else, and since moving up here almost 2 years ago, I still find people generally cold and dismissive. It suprises me as Canada has a stereotype of retaining the world's most friendly citizens, of which I'm one. I guess it does depend on which area of the city is in question, but as a whole, I'll agree with you. The funny part is, I moved up here from America...

[Davey Boy 2.0]

meet the losers in the best bars

meet the winners in the dives

[Sarahbelle]

I agree too... When I lived in Toronto for school, I reaaaly noticed that people are pretty pushy on the streets. I remember bumping into people and saying sorry... and they would just keep on walking..

BUT there are also some reallly nice people in T. dot too... I find that people are a bit more accepting...in Kensington Market everyone is willing to have a chat with strangers..

[CyberHippie]

When I first moved here, I hated it. I found the city to be very 'cold'. Once I started going to a lot of shows, and seeing a lot of the same people over and over, then I started to make some friends. Same thing on the disc golf course.

Seems like if you stick around in one place long enough you'll eventually get to know people. But you can't just start talking to strangers. I think the rule of thumb in this city is that if a stranger approaches you, they are trying to get something outta ya.

People from Toronto don't see the city as a cold place, but in my experience people who move to the city do.

[Cully]

who are these peoplel you are talking about?

[geomouse]

I remember bumping into people and saying sorry... and they would just keep on walking..

Imagine having to do a 360 wave to everyone within site as you get in your car twice a day? This is my friend's situation in one of our 'planned communities' near K-Town. He said he just waves now, he used to make eye contact with as many as possible.

[YearsAlongTheSea]

People from Toronto don't see the city as a cold place, but in my experience people who move to the city do.

Well put. Also, it's a mega-city. And, as such, it has that cold vibe that most mega-cities have. You don't really stop people on the streets for a friendly chat on the streets of New York or LA or, hmmmmm, I'm trying to think of a Canadian city even comparable in size and demographic to TO. Anyways....

[YearsAlongTheSea]

who are these peoplel you are talking about?

You Cully. You're the problem...

[NewRider]

meet the losers in the best bars

meet the winners in the dives

agreed 100%!

[LXQ42]

I lived in T.O. for over 10 years, and the thing I noticed the most was that people in the City are cold, yet when something out of the ordinary happens, a streetcar stall perhaps, the walls come down and people start to talk and laugh. "The Blackout" was a prime example of this. The attitude of the city changed from cold to friendly in no time.

[can-o-phish]

I guess it depends on the situation but in general I view Toronto as a city that has a much faster pace than other cities. People are rushing to get to work or home to be with family and friends and not get caught up in traffic and any line-up...

I laugh constantly at the people with cell phones glued to their ears as it is still my belief that the only people who really need to be attached to their cells are surgeons and high profile stock brokers and investors...when did life get so busy that people have to constantly be calling someone for something trivial...instead, why not take that time to look around at some of the incredible architecture, shop displays and colourful residents of this city...like that's ever going to happen...

Last summer when I was home visiting my family in Lunenburg I couldn't get over how quiet and slow the pace of life was...I drove down the coast to record the sounds of waves crashing and as I was grabbing my gear from the car I heard a rustle in the bushes across the road...turned and there was a gigantic buck with a full rack just starin at me while chewing on the foliage...we stared at each other for what seemed like hours and then he grew bored of me and casually walked down the road...

[The Chameleon]

What I don't get is this:

I have traveled and spent time in many large US cities and while they are certainly more violent and there is the treat of real danger, people in general are more outgoing and friendly. In bars there, I find people will actually approach you to talk or whatever.

In Toronto which is waaaay safer than any US city, large or small, people are totally standoffish and strictly interact with people they know or came with to the bar etc...

Makes no sense....and I can't really explain why to my friends from outta town.

[SaggyBalls]

I remember bumping into people and saying sorry... and they would just keep on walking

Are you serious? You say sorry for bumping into people in the city? Just keep walking.

People bump into oneanother. Expect it to happen.

It's not a big wide empty sidewalk you could have avoided them on.

I find Vancouver to be very cool. People stick to themselves but are approachable...but yes what do you want from me, stranger?

Toronto has a much stronger vibe. People aren't so much rude, but more not-specifically-polite (which is seen to be rude by most people (silly twits)) and some people are belligerent, if only to not show weakness or humility.

I mean COME ON - How cordial are we supposed to be? Pardon me - thank you - i'm sorry - after you - no i insist - thank you very much...Bow and curtsey, kiss a hand, kiss my ass.

Here I get ignored, in Toronto I get a remark. Everywhere I go I can meet the right people for me.

Everyone else isn't worth the energy spent on meeting.

It's really easy to talk to people on messageboards and dating sites and everything is pretty instantaneous but meeting people - really meeting people that you're going to get to know, is a long process. Be very thankful that you're not everybody's friend.

It can be better to hang out by yourself than to spend time with a bunch of idiots that you just met and won't ever get to know.

[LXQ42]

I think that because people in the city aren't outwardly friendly, it's precieved as rude or unfriendly, but you can walk in any part of Toronto, stop a stranger and ask directions, and they will help you out. Doesn't that say a lot?

[bokonon]

I lived in TO for two months and the most creepy thing in the world is the subway at rush hour. It's packed tight, you're snuggling with your neighbour, but nobody talks. Totally surreal.

And for the record, I find Americans are way more friendly than Canadians. Mind you, I'm a blue-eyed white girl. I think that would be way different if I weren't white.

Small town people in general are way more friendly. I think it's because people in large cities are so much more defensive. The walls they put up are for self-preservation and therefore have strong foundations. Even if those foundations are built upon fear, they tend to be quite ingrained in to the personality.

[PassedOutGuy]

I remember bumping into people and saying sorry... and they would just keep on walking

Are you serious? You say sorry for bumping into people in the city? Just keep walking.

People bump into oneanother. Expect it to happen.

Are you serious brother? Its just this thinking that I find our young people today believe and thats why we have such negative unfriendly remarks of our city... don't just keep walking ... say ur fucking sorry!

[hamilton]

I think people *should* apologize - succinctly but distinctly - when they bump into each other on the sidewalk.

But I'm not sure why I should have to be "friendly" to people. Why should I have to converse with the person standing next to me at the bus stop, or on the subway? Maybe that person just wants to be left alone - I know I usually do. And sometimes it can be downright creepy when people want to chat you up. If I see the same individual at the bus stop every single day I might nod in recognition of that person's continued existence, but I'm not going to start up a conversation based on the incredibly ordinary pretext of waiting at the same bus stop.

Being friendly and being polite are not the same thing.

Edited July 30, 2007 by Guest
Speling knot sew god.

[Jaimoe]

I find a lot of this thread unfounded. I don't think that this is a stetch, but people in general and even frineds of mine find it hard to find a date when you get a little older. It's not a 'Toronto' thing per say. If I were single, I know I'd be scared about the process of dating or even finding 'potential' dates no matter the city I lived in. I find Toronto very friendly (I've been here since 1991) and you can always find interesting people and potential dates if you do some homework. Also, it's amazing what attention wearing a wedding ring brings.

[The Chameleon]

I remember bumping into people and saying sorry... and they would just keep on walking

Are you serious? You say sorry for bumping into people in the city? Just keep walking.

People bump into oneanother. Expect it to happen.

Are you serious brother? Its just this thinking that I find our young people today believe and thats why we have such negative unfriendly remarks of our city... don't just keep walking ... say ur fucking sorry!

I back this up 100% I have lived and in very near by Toronto my entire life and regardless of how cold a city is basic manners and decency are expected.

If you bump into someone a quick "sorry" is manditory.

[YearsAlongTheSea]

When people bump into me on the street I usually say "you're welcome," and watch them walk off confused....

[phishtaper]

toronto's a cesspool ... no, wait ... that's ottawa

[paisley]

when I first lived in Toronto 20 years back I came away calling it the loneliest city in the world... towards the end of that year made some friends in a few different areas which changed everything, suddenly found it fairly easy to meet people, and felt somewhat like I had places I was welcomed... artist communities are very friendly once you get to know them... but when you're new in town and don't have any friends its really hard to just meet half-way sane people at first... easy to meet creepy people trying to mack you or putting a lot of effort into ripping you off though

found it totally night and day between whether you have a social circle (even a small one) or not

find it a lot friendlier nowadays, Queen St. used to be a lot more exclusive a scene back in the "don't smile, don't dance, drink nothing but Black Label in your black turtleneck" days