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Neorhinos promise weekly orgasms, marijuana for all


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Neorhinos promise weekly orgasms, marijuana for all

Thu Nov 8, 4:12 PM

By Alexander Panetta, The Canadian Press

OTTAWA - Talk about a party platform.

The Rhinos are back and they're hoping to lure voters with the tantalizing promise of weekly orgasms - and marijuana in every pot. The Neorhino party promises to declare Spanish as Canada's official language and pass legislation forcing Prime Minister Stephen Harper to go on a diet.

They're proud of smoking pot, they draw their political inspiration from cigar-chomping comics and rock legends, and they want to get elected so they can stick it to "The Man."

The new party - officially called neorhino.ca - is one of at least two groups claiming to be a reincarnation of the defunct Rhinocerous party that specialized in political satire.

Like the old Rhinos, the party has no clear political ideology except for two deep beliefs: something's seriously wrong with the state of modern politics, and Canadian public discourse could use a lot more fun.

"We are a Marxist-Lennonist party - based on the philosophy of Groucho Marx and John Lennon," said party president Francois Gourd.

He calls himself "Yo" Gourd, which in French sounds just like "yogurt." He strode to the podium in the news-conference room near the House of Commons on Thursday sporting a cloth rhinoceros horn on his head.

The original Rhinos were founded in 1963 by Quebec author Jacques Ferron, and reached the pinnacle of their success in the 1980 election where they received 110,000 votes - or 1.01 per cent of the popular vote.

They never won a seat and stopped running election candidates in 1993 after an election reform law that stripped the party of its registered party status.

Gourd recently ran in Quebec's Outremont byelection and finished sixth with just 145 votes.

The party claims to have 600 members in 30 ridings - 20 of them in Quebec.

Among its other campaign planks: Replace soldiers' weapons with paintball guns; Create a national gas-barbecue registry; and replace the Defence Department with a Ministry of Laughter.

Beneath the thick veneer of gags, the party raises a serious point: people are so disenchanted with politics that almost 40 per cent of Canadians no longer bother voting in federal elections.

That, for the Neorhinos, produces a tantalizing bit of electoral math. If every single one of those non-voters were to cast a ballot for them, they could statistically hope to win a majority government.

And then: "We're gonna put The Man under the blanket for a while," Gourd says.

The Neorhinos admit some respect for the established political parties - including the NDP and the Greens. They say it's hard to like Liberals, and dismiss Conservatives as proponents of the politics of fear.

For example, they are no fan of the Tories' war on drugs.

"We are for the Marijuana party of Canada - and we inhale. And we enjoy it," Gourd said. "I am an illegal person. I have been smoking dope for 30 years."

They poked fun at the prime minister for saying recently that he struggles to explain the drug references in Beatles lyrics to his son, Ben. To them, it offers further proof of how dull politicians are.

But they want in.

"We're just joining the herd of the stupid, the idiots and the nuts," Gourd said. "When you have to explain Beatles songs to your children, something is strange."

Copyright © 2007 Canadian Press

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Hmmmmm. I'd consider running for them.

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