80's toon characters attend Hall & Oates concert

[AdamH]

This came from Luke originally but I've forwarded it to probably 100 people over the 3 years I've had it around.

It remains my #1 favorite forward of all time

If ever there were decade for people who love cocaine,

it was the 80's; the sh!t was everywhere. At the same

time, if there was ever a decade where it sucked to

smoke pot -- and believe me, a decade where it sucks

to smoke pot is like a decade where it sucks to be

rich, it was still fuÇking awesome -- it was also the

80's.

The backlash against marijuana began largely because

people who use cocaine and those who use pot often

operate in the same circles, and coke users -- because

it is stronger and more expensive than marijuana --

began to look down on the folks who liked to smoke

pot, largely as a faux-elitist rejection of the hippie

lifestyle they associated with the drug.

This strange cross-section of drug culture hierarchy

came into play backstage at the legendary Madison

Square Garden; just moments after Hall & Oates had

completed a performance that could be described only

as "masterful", on the evening of one March the first,

1985.

It was less than year after Transformers had debuted

in America, and we couldn't have been hotter. Through

contacts at Hasbro, Prowl and I were able to get four

front-row seats to the H&O concert the day it took

place, even though tickets for the show had been

unavailable for months.

We invited Beast Man, whose program He-Man was also

hot as hell at the time, and Pidge from Voltron, who

Beast Man was a total dick to all night (Beast Man is

a good guy, but it was early 1985 and the Voltron

cartoon hadn’t really caught on here in the states

yet, so he thought Pidge would to kill any celebrity

vibe he, Prowl and I might have with concert-going

females).

The show itself rocked. We had gotten down big time

before hand on some primo cocaine that Beast Man

scored through his manager. The four of us were across

the street at a bar before the show and Beast Man just

reaches inside this cheap Hawaiian shirt he’s wearing

and pulls out a freezer bag full of cocaine; he didn’t

even know how it weighed out. He said he asked his

manager to score him some coke and the dude went in

the other room for a minute and then came back with

the bag.

Needless to say, we all got rocked, although Beast Man

tried to snub Pidge until Prowl smacked him on the

back of the head and told him to be “Less a beast, and

more a man.â€

Noses powdered, we made our way to the show where Hall

& Oates proceeded to rock the hallowed foundation of

MSG to its core. It was as if Zeus himself,

accompanied by John Oates, had stepped down from Mount

Olympus to preside over the greatest rock/R&B

spectacle of all time, and we ticket-holders were but

mere mortals who, by some random stroke of fate,

happened to bear witness to a feat of heavenly grace.

Men shook, women collapsed and all but the most

stone-hearted among us wept openly, happily.

As soon as Beast Man saw the beginnings of a tear take

shape in Pidge’s eye, he punched him in the chest.

It was during the encore, and H&O were really rocking

out on “You Make My Dreams Come True†(a personal

favorite); Prowl was furious. He grabbed Beast Man by

the collar of his cheap Hawaiian shirt and growled

that he would “feed him to Triklops†if he didn’t stop

dicking around. I didn’t know that Triklops was a

cannibal, but it seemed to scare the sh!t of Beast Man

so I never mentioned it. I’d still like to find out,

actually.

As soon as the encore finished, a couple of security

guards approached Prowl and myself and told us that

John Oates was a big fan, and that he wanted to know

if we would come backstage and meet him. Of course we

agreed, and we were taken behind the scenes to a small

room where Daryl Hall was unwinding after the show.

Oates, according to the one guard, was “fuÇking around

with the bandâ€, but would be there soon. He led us

inside.

It was dark; the room was lit by candle, and the scent

of frankincense which lingered in the air bestowed

upon us a sense of calm as we entered. The door

closed.

In the candlelight, Daryl Hall took a drag of his

cigarette then spoke.

“You’re Optimus Prime?â€

“Yeah,†I responded.

“Cool.â€

Hall mashed out his cigarette and passed me a

Heineken. “Oates is fuÇking around with the band,†he

told the four of us, “He’ll be here soon.â€

I sipped my beer and then nodded at Hall, who nodded

back. It went on like that for a bit, until Prowl

shoved Beast Man and told him to take out the fuÇking

yayo, but then instead just reached inside Beast Man’s

cheap Hawaiian shirt and yanked out the yayo himself.

He dumped a huge pile on the small glass coffee table

in the center of the room, and we all crowded around

it and began chopping out lines.

Oates walked in as we were finishing, and what was

cool was that not only was he a fan of Transformers,

but he also had seen Voltron while on tour in Japan

and told Pidge that he thought the show would be huge

in the United States. Beast Man asked Oates if he had

seen He-Man, and Oates said no, but that he only

watched shows with giant robots.

We all laughed and Oates switched on the lights; Beast

Man offered him the coke, but he said no thanks.

Instead, Oates opened his guitar case and removed a

bong. It was simple -- 14 inches, plastic, green; the

kind of bong you would find in any head-shop, or dorm

room, or drum circle –- but what made it special was

that this bong was covered, from the top of the tube

to its base, in stickers which commemorated concerts

spanning the entire run of Hall & Oates.

It was, in short, glorious.

Oates informed us that the bong was named “Sara†after

“Sara Smileâ€; he packed it, pulled a huge hit, and

then passed it to Hall, who repeated the process, then

passed it to Pidge.

This circle progressed smoothly until the bong reached

Beast Man, who looked Oates dead in the eye and said,

“I’ll pass. I don’t smoke pot.â€

In part, this was true; Beast Man had become a coke

snob and, as a rule, did not smoke pot but he had done

it frequently, on “special†occasions, and therefore

Prowl and I believed he was only saying “no†to piss

off John Oates.

And it worked.

Oates was livid. He snatched the bong from Beast Man’s

hands and sneered, “Is this because I didn’t want any

of your fuÇking coke? Is that what this is about?â€

Beast Man was taken aback; before he had a chance to

respond, Oates pushed him aside, dug into the coke and

shaped out a massive line.

“You think I don’t do coke, you son of a bitch?†he

snapped; and, with a deft smoothness that suggested

experience, he placed his nose to the powder and

inhaled.

Satisfied, Oates slammed both fists against the table

and whipped his head toward Beast Man. “How do you

like me now mother-fuÇker?†he shouted, springing to

his feet.

“And how do you like this?" he asked, now inches from

Beast Man's face. “I have seen your show, but about

mid-way through I switched the channel because I

realized that homo-eroticism isn’t my bag!"

Beast Man gasped; neither Prowl nor I dared speak and

Pidge was wise enough to sense our discomfort. The ego

of Beast Man was fragile, and it had just been pierced

by a bitter lance.

Even at that time, it was well known throughout the

entertainment industry that He-Man was homo-erotic

camp; however, people associated with the show were

extremely sensitive about the subject; among the

performers themselves, to even mention it was taboo.

All involved with the He-Man program insisted it was

strict science-fiction fantasy and contrary notions be

damned.

Without knowing, John Oates had just forced Beast Man

to do what so many of friends, out of either courage

or kindness, could not: face reality. And, as so many

friends had predicted, reality shattered him.

Beast Man attempted to speak but could form no words.

Pathetic and befuddled, he searched the room for a

sympathetic face but could find no refuge.

If Beast Man questioned his bullying ways at all

during that cruel silence I do not know, for he will

not discuss it to this day. However, I tell you this,

in that moment he learned humility.

At long last, the quiet was broken by Daryl Hall who

asked “Wait, he’s the guy from that gay show?â€

What made Prowl and I burst into laughter, thus

destroying any opportunity Beast Man had to end the

evening with a sliver of dignity, was that Hall wasn’t

using gay an insult, but rather asking if Beast Man

was on a program for gay folks.

Seconds later, Pidge began to laugh as well. And why

not? The bully had been bullied.

I wish I could tell you that this story had a happy

ending -- that Beast Man and John Oates hugged and

became dear friends -- but I’m afraid that I cannot.

What actually happened was that a broken and defeated

Beast Man sat in the corner while myself, Pidge, Prowl

and Hall and Oates smoked pot and snorted his cocaine