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SevenSeasJim

Funny news story for a Friday

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California man suspected of sausage and spice attack is released from jail

Published: Thursday, September 11, 2008 | 8:10 PM ET

Canadian Press: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SANGER, Calif. - A man suspected of breaking into the home of two California farmworkers, rubbing spices into the face of one man and smacking another with an 20-centimetre-long sausage has been set free.

Prosecutors say they do not have enough evidence to file criminal charges against 21-year-old Antonio Vasquez.

He was released from Fresno County Jail on Tuesday.

Sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says Vasquez was found hiding in a field wearing only a T-shirt, boxers and socks after the Saturday morning attack.

Vasquez is also accused of stealing $900 from the home.

There is no listed phone number for Vasquez.

CBC Link

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My mate (19 at the time) goes to a family wedding which is being held at a cricket club, real posh event with a marquee, brass band and the full works. Throughout the day he keeps getting unwanted attention from this horrific piece of work, p*ssed up 30 year old black woman with dreadlocks who he now refers to as "the hobo". On top of this, the lady in question is the ex-wife of my mate's cousin (who isn't in attendance). The more my mate drinks throughout the day though, the more appealing this bint is to him and by about 10 o'clock he thinks f**k it and asks her if she wants to "take a walk around the boundary". At this proposition she comes out with the immortal line: "No love, let's take a trip to the cripple-crapper". Classy.

They get down to business with her bent over the toilet and him taking her from behind bareback, although as he's nearing the finish line the shame hits him and he thinks to himself "what am I doing here". On top of this he can hear his dad and uncle outside chatting in the que for the urinals. He hatches a cunning plan to make his escape without having to face the beast again or the embarassment of walking out of the disabled loo, past his dad and uncle and alongside the bint. Being battered, he decides the logical solution is to finish up, quickly pull his jeans up, turn off the toilet lights and leg it to the other side of the marquee before anyone knows what is going on. Of course, in his rush instead of the lightswitch he pulls on the disability alarm before making his escape. As he legs it out of the loo whilst buckling up his belt, amid the pandemonium his dad and uncle are first on hand to help out who they presume to be someone in distress, only to find the hobo with this look on her face :confused: , bent over the toilet with her skirt around her ankles and c*m dribbling down her leg.

This happened about 2 years ago but needless to say things are still a little awkward at their family get togethers, and just to rub salt into his wounds he ended up getting chlamydia (which he then passed on to his girlfriend).

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