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textsfromlastnight


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OH yeah this is a great way to let Friday afternoon dissappear:

(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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Guest Low Roller

(212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

(248): hah, sarcasm, classic

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much thanks to OP for the link! this site is highlarious. trawling thru i found this messed up gem:

(314): U should come over 2nite

(1-314): $$$$

(314): R u crazy I am offended

(1-314): We totally had this conversation already

(314): Ur totally a homosexual or either delusional

(1-314): Neither, well maybe the 2nd one a little but def not gay. Plus, you agreed last night

(314): First of all that wasn't last night and secondly I never agreed

(1-314): Yeah you did

(314): No I told u were crazy and to shut up about it cuz its not happening. Xanax clouds the memory

(1-314): No sex then.

(314): Y would you act like that esp after u really hurt my feelings by insulting me the last time I saw you

(1-314): Sorry for hurting your feelings, but you did agree. You even gave me 5 bucks to seal the agreement

(314): Yeah I gave u 5 bucks to bribe u into doin it right then doesn't mean I agreed to pay u from then on

(314): I cannot even believe we are having this conversation, r u crazy?

(314): Soo when r u gonna come over?

(1-314): $$$$$

(314): How do u figure I shud pay you for something u enjoy doing to? Im waiting to hear your rational answer

(1-314): Because people search a lifetime to get paid for what they love doing, especially when they are good at it. I…

(1-314): Im really good at making you orgasm, so why not get paid like al other professionals that are being paid good

(1-314): Did I mention doctors, lawyers, and oh yeah NURSEs

(314): U have an orgasm too did u forget

(314): Ur crazy

(1-314): I make you have multiple, and secondly the reciprocation of pleasure does not negate payment

(1-314): You always say how you don't have to worry about money, due to your dad. Why is such a big deal

(314): Cuz it makes me feel lowwwww

(1-314): All lot of things people low. Don't do it if you don't feel its right and its immoral

(314): R u fucking serious

(314): Give me the dick nowwwww

W...T....F...!

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I got this txt sent to me @ 3:39 am Saturday morning from a buddy of mine..I think it's "texts from last night" worthy:

"I'm eating a moon pie, Dave is getting married and I forgot how much whiskey we used to drink..."

When I woke up, I wrote back saying, "Wow, that's a lot of information for 3:40 am.."

A few hours later he wrote back, "Yeah, I think I did pretty well. However, that moon pie reformed in my stomach and is now eating me from the inside out."

hehehe

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