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fuÇk you, Phish!


Patchoulia
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Bringing the LOLs, bigtime...

http://fuckyouphish.blogspot.com/

"Jesus Christ, how did these guys ever get popular? I'm pretty sure the drummer is legally retarded, at least he looks like it and plays like it. Try and guess which one is the drummer. Luckily the rest of the guys in the band are drop-dead gorgeous. Watch out, groupies!

Two weeks ago, this douchebag at work left a Phish CD in my car because he hates me and wants me to kill myself. He said to 'Check out the sick ghost and the hood closer'. I punched him in the face and drove away.

A few days later my hot-ass girlfriend found the CD and turned it on while I was pumping gas. When I got back in the car, my ears felt like they were filling with piss. That piss turned out to be the sound of Phish, playing some fucking song called Contact, which apparently is about how car tires touch the road. Am I a fucking kindergartner? I know how a fucking car tire works, but thanks Phish for writing a song about it.

I was two seconds away from lighting myself on fire right there at the gas pump but my girlfriend talked me out of it with oral sex."

hahahahahaha

And much, much more....

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i feel like i was at that show. maybe milano?

I'm pretty sure its the Rockpalast one.

02/16/97 (Sun) Wartesaal - Cologne, Germany

Set 1: Beauty of My Dreams* Split Open and Melt, Bouncing Around the Room, Crosseyed and Painless, Guelah Papyrus, Ginseng Sullivan, Tweezer, Waste, Cavern, Chalk Dust Torture

Set 2: Sample in a Jar, Cars Trucks and Buses, Free, Sparkle, Simple > Circus Comes To Town, Swept Away > Steep > David Bowie, Loving Cup, Tweezer Reprise,

E: Theme From the Bottom, Johnny B. Goode

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Worst lyrics ever: Reba

I realize that not every song has to have deep, lyrical meaning but it seems like Phish goes the extra mile in nonsensical fucking ridiculousness. Here are the lyrics for a song called Reba, but they read more like a recipe for shit stew. How they put this to music is beyond me, but I would imagine the phrase 'shit stew' would again be applicable.

A little scoop of plaster mix

some coffee grounds and mud

and then she stirred it with the ladle

that her Grandmother had bought her

threw in a pot of melted wax

a forefoot and a hoof

apple core, worms galore

and a can of some corrosive

I was following along the recipe and I have everything except a hoof. Where the fuck can I get a hoof at this hour?

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is my new favourite website, methinks...

BREAKING NEWS: Red Rocks ampitheater declared hazardous waste zone

(AP - Denver, CO.)

In an unprecedented move, the National Chemical Council (NCC) has declared the Red Rocks music venue a 'Level 5 Hazardous Waste zone' in the wake of a weekend-long Phish residency at the famed amphitheater. Officials have warned local residents to seek immediate shelter in one of several makeshift waste-avoidance centers scattered throughout the county.

As one high-ranking official declared: "This is the worst situation we've seen since the infamous Plutonium spill of '79, and I just pray to God that the disgusting chemicals and hazardous materials coming off those Phish fans don't get into the local water system."

The NCC has already passed three separate charters, each taking measures to prevent any future Phish shows at Red Rocks until the year 2075, at which point the members of the band Phish will most likely be dead, or at least no longer performing regulary.

"We know they [Phish] retire all the time and then end up coming back, so we had to make sure these charters were long enough to outlast even the most ardent tours," said Frank Beam, chairman of the NCC. "Our research shows that the band will probably stop touring sometime after the year 2055, and there will be twelve more hiatus's in between."

Residents of Morrison, CO had been preparing for the Phish shows for weeks, at the behest of the NCC, which anticipated the grimy, smelly throng that would descend upon Red Rocks from July 30th - August 2nd. Volunteers passed out large plastic garbage bags and other waste removal items to help locals clean up after the ungrateful Phish fanatics.

"I've lived in Morrison for over thirty years, and I've never smelled a stank like the one wafting off Red Rocks this weekend," said local resident Aimee Johnson, 57. "I decided to pack up and head out to mother's cabin for the weekend. I'd rather deal with her explosive diarrhea problem than the [expletive] Phish crowd."

Officials have not determined when the site will be re-opened to the public, but they have decided to allow the fourth and final show of the run, tonight, to continue.

"Frankly we hope this last show will result in some sort of chemical, wookie explosion and just kind of take care of the whole problem at once," said Beam, smiling. "That would just be awesome."

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Top Ten things you will hear at Phish Red Rocks

I know you all have short attention spans, but see if you can get through ten sentences without stopping for a fucking bong rip. Here are the Top Ten things you will hear at Red Rocks this weekend:

10. "It was epic!"

9. "Can I have that cigarette when you're done with it?"

8. "Only eight sets in three days? That's bunk as hell."

7. "Fuck off newb. I've been on tour since 2000, before the hiatus."

6. "I saw that FuckYouPhish website...Shit is lame."

5. "I took three. Is that too many? What's going to happen?"

4. "No, but it goes away after a few days, and then it stops itching."

3. "I heard Page cries during sex. That's so sad."

2. "I put it in her butt."

1. "Brah."

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Phish: Red Rocks setlist - 7/30/09

Set One

* Some bullshit song

* Ocelotta Crap

* More bullshit

* They let the bass player sing?

* Mommy dance? What the fuck?

* Sounds like it was written in 7th grade

* A horrible-shitfest-of-a-jam song

* Trey mumbling >

* Listening to Page cry

* Awesome song about a dead possum

Set Two

* They let the bass player sing twice? >

* More bullshit >

* Trey wanking

* Trey wanking

* Trey aimlessly wanking

* I have no idea

* Oh my god, they have slow songs too.

* Page wanking

* Another horrible-shitfest-of-a-jam song

E: Molesting a Rolling Stone's song

Nice job for all you fucking morons who payed money to see this, I hope the next three days are a potpourri of dirt, body hair, wandering idiots and sexually transmitted diseases.

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Phish: Red Rocks setlist - 7/30/09

Set One

* Some bullshit song

* Ocelotta Crap

* More bullshit

* They let the bass player sing?

* Mommy dance? What the fuck?

* Sounds like it was written in 7th grade

* A horrible-shitfest-of-a-jam song

* Trey mumbling >

* Listening to Page cry

* Awesome song about a dead possum

Set Two

* They let the bass player sing twice? >

* More bullshit >

* Trey wanking

* Trey wanking

* Trey aimlessly wanking

* I have no idea

* Oh my god, they have slow songs too.

* Page wanking

* Another horrible-shitfest-of-a-jam song

E: Molesting a Rolling Stone's song

Nice job for all you fucking morons who payed money to see this, I hope the next three days are a potpourri of dirt, body hair, wandering idiots and sexually transmitted diseases.

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