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Hamels Misses Face

May 8, 2012

willkees123

Philadelphia Phillies starter Cole Hamels has admitted that he hit Nationals rookie Bryce Harper on purpose in the first inning Sunday night, and today apologized for the act.

“I don’t know what to say. I messed up,†said Hamels. “I hit him in the small of his back, so I missed my target by about three feet, as I wanted to hit hit square in his stupid goddam face. My lack of control on that pitch is not acceptable. I expect better from myself, and I will forever regret not plunking him square in his douche head.â€

Hamels says he thinks he knows what happened on the pitch.

“I got so excited about the opportunity to smash his face, maybe to the point of knocking his helmet off and tearing a bald patch in his faux-hawk, blood pouring down his sideburns and into his mouth, that I overthrew,†said Hamels. “I won’t make that mistake again.â€

Hamels also stressed that trying to hit Harper in the face wasn’t anything personal.

“I don’t know him at all,†said the pitcher, “although anyone who has met him says he’s unbearable. I wanted to hit him in in the face based on appearances alone, nothing else.â€

Nationals manager Davey Johnson says he understands that certain things happen in baseball.

“Look, I see Bryce Harper every day now,†said Johnson. “I totally understand wanting to hit him in the face. But coming from Cole Hamels of all people, well … I know many hitters in the National League who try to hit him in the face with a line drive when they’re batting. I would respect where Cole is coming from on this if he looked less, you know … Cole Hamelsy.â€

Harper also responded to Hamels’ admission.

“Brah, ya know, brah it’s like … nah, feel me, brah? I’m just like braaaaah maaaah naaaah aaahhhh,†he added, before departing with some sort of complex handshake/hug routine.

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God bless The Onion.

Baseball is such ebb and flow.

Here is an example of one of the things that has made my baseball appreciation ramp up the past couple years: beginning tonight, I will be able to watch my favourite team the Blue Jays play every day for 16 straight days.

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It's tough to say without Bautista and Lind doing much of anything. Everyone is kind of just waiting for Bautista to break out, and we have to assume he will. As for Lind, it's tough see him hit so poorly because we all know what he's capable of, but he's been in this funk for a pretty long time now (dating back to last year) so maybe its time to bring up Cooper. But I'm totally with you - Prove me wrong Jays!!

(^would be a hilarious sign to see at the park)

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FACK!

I wish the Jays had a minor league team here already but I do hope to see him with the big boys because I'm debating a run to TO this summer to see a 3 game home stand. It would be my first time at the Skydome since I saw Fred McGriff hit one off the restaurant in dead center, which was HUGE at the time. We bought tickets from scalpers, 11 rows back from home plate and I think we paid only 4 bucks extra or something stupid.

But I digress. Bring it Vlad. Bring it. I like beer.

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Sigh, true enough. Romero had one bad inning today and that was enough. What a frustrating sport to follow.

However, I am still very optimistic. Our offense is going to get rolling sooner or later. I expect McGowan to challenge for Hutchison's spot and Vlad to challenge for Lind's. Should be interesting.

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  • 2 months later...

Anyone watch the game last night? Ibanez parks a 3-1 fastball with the bases loaded in the 8th. "He has to throw a fastball now" says Buck Martinez. Arrencibia obviously called for one, so he's apparently not all that bright either. Well, Frasor threw it, so he can probably shoulder some of the blame too. Honestly.

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yup, heartbreaker. I was watching the YES feed. Their commentators set it up the same way. "He has to throw a fastball". It was kinda strange.

Amazed at how the Jays (after the grand slam and Bautista's injury) bounced back and got the tying run to the plate ... then fizzled. How could Rasmus WATCH that pitch go right down the pipe like that?

Gonna watch tonight and hope for a win against those damn yankees ;)

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