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New Character For Return of the King


Rob Not Bob

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Yes, this is a joke [smile]

Rob Not Bob

Fans Outraged at New Character in The Return of the King

By Brian Briggs

Wellington, New Zealand - A recently leaked trailer for The Return of

the King has Tolkien fans outraged over the apparent addition of a new

character - Jar-Jaromir. The scene depicted in the trailer shows

Jar-Jaromir shouting, "Gondora gonna fallsa"; he then trips over a

corpse and knocks down a couple of Uruk-hai.

Producers of The Lord of the Rings trilogy confirmed the addition of

the half-brother of Boromir and Faramir.

"While The Two Towers is performing better at the box office than The

Fellowship of the Ring, we are worried about a demographic that is

skewing much older than desired. More mature fans are very good to

have, but it's the younger fans who buy the merchandise. That's really

what brings in the bucks on a movie like this," said producer Tim Wilcox.

"People complained a lot about Gimli just being there for comic

relief," continued Wilcox. "We answer that criticism by directing the

humor through Jar-Jaromir in The Return of the King. There's this

funny scene where Jar-Jaromir decides it's best to hand the ring over

to Sauron, but then he drops it and kicks it into Mount Doom.

Hi-larious."

Purists, miffed by the deviations in The Two Towers, were so enraged

by Jar-Jaromir as to be rendered speechless. A less pure, calmer fan

who was able to form words said, "Tolkien mentioned a lot of different

races and creatures, but never a Gungan or even a half-Gungan. I think

I'm going to vomit."

One fan tried to rationalize the move. "Maybe the Star Wars universe

and Middle-earth intersect. Middle-earth certainly is a long time ago

and why couldn't it be in 'a galaxy far, far away?' Nothing said it's

our earth." He then broke down and started crying.

Director Peter Jackson explained how the Jar-Jaromir character was added after all the other footage had already been shot. "That's the

brilliant thing about digital editing and graphics. We didn't even

imagine Jar-Jaromir in the movie until a couple of weeks ago, but now

we can just edit him right into the key scenes. I really think it's

going to be a hit with the toddlers."

Jackson added, "I just love it when he shouts, 'Yousa steala precious

from meesa!'"

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That's pretty funny Bob.

Good thing you reported that it was a joke, because there are alot of purists here that would not tolerate for such a deviation to the story, as much as they wouldn't tolerate a non-elfin drummer for Phish [Wink]

http://slate.msn.com/id/2076316/

"Phish has continued to delight in sticking out their tongues at the pretensions of the music world. This is a band, after all, whose elfin drummer plays in a dress decorated with giant orange LifeSavers."

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Guest Low Roller

Star Wars and LOTR amalgamating would be a sick concept. Considering I'm bored at work and delusional caused by lack of sleep, I ask the following questions:

1- Rancor vs. Cave Troll

2- Gandalf vs. The Emperor

3- Aragorn vs. Luke Skywalker

4- Princess Leia vs. Eowyn

5- Hobbits vs. Ewoks

6- Jar Jar Binks vs. Gollum

7- Sarumon vs. Darth Vader

8- Gimli vs. Chewbacca

9- Legolas vs. Darth Maul

10- Yoda vs. Sauron

WHO WOULD WIN? [Eek!]

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1- Rancor vs. Cave Troll... Rancor

2- Gandalf vs. The Emperor...if he can finish offMorgoth's Balrog, the Emperor is a cake walk. Gandalf!

3- Aragorn vs. Luke Skywalker...sorry, Luke would start bitchin about power converters and Anduril would cut the kid like butter. Aragorn.

4- Princess Leia vs. Eowyn I'd rather Leia, Eowyn and Amidala and a bottle of baby oil

5- Hobbits vs. Ewoks... Ewoks- if ya didn't include Merry, Pippin and Sam, otherwise Hobbits

6- Jar Jar Binks vs. Gollum... they already had this one, it was called Lewis vs. Tyson and Jar Jar played the role of Rag Doll Tyson

7- Sarumon vs. Darth Vader... Vader would have Sharkey's head in his hands before the dude could whip his palantir out!

8- Gimli vs. Chewbacca... love at first sight

9- Legolas vs. Darth Maul... after Maul covered the twenty yards between he and Legolas, pulled all the arrows out of his eye sockets, he'd remember he didn't have a torso

10- Yoda vs. Sauron...is this Sauron with the ring? and Muppet Yoda or digitally enhanced Yoda?

Here's a couple others:

Sam vs. R2D2

Eomer vs. C3P0

Faramir vs. Han Solo

Merry and Pippin vs. Greedo and Salacious Crumb

Elrond vs. Boba Fett

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Guest Low Roller

And we musn't forget Oliphaunt vs. Bantha

Sam vs. R2D2: Sam will strike first with an inneffective frying pan, but will quickly fall to R2's tazer.

Eomer vs. C3PO: Draw. Both combatants are mauled by orcs.

Faramir vs. Han Solo: The nerf herder cheapshots Faramir before the bell with a well placed phaser shot to the head.

Hobbits vs. Bounty Hunters: Treebeard fucks everyone up.

Elrond vs. Boba Fett: Both combatants discover that they are clones of one another, and unite to fight Mr. Anderson.

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