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Oh Right, and Switzerland Has Nuclear Weapons

Arabian Sea (SatireWire.com) — Canadian television reported Friday

that a Canadian warship in the Arabian Sea had seized a tanker suspected of

smuggling oil from Iraq, leading many to suspect that the report was a



The Halifax Class frigate Vancouver. Honest.

"You're kidding, right? Canada has a warship?" asked U.S. Defense Secretary

Donald Rumsfeld. "Like for war?

"Does Canada know?" he added.

"Nobody was more stunned than we were," said Kali Omari, first mate of the

seized vessel. "We saw this frigate steaming toward us, and we were

worried, but then we saw the maple leaf on the flag, and we thought, 'Oh,

Canadians. What the hell do they want?'"

When an officer of the HMCS Vancouver announced that the tanker was about

to be boarded, the crew of the detained ship was confused, said Omari, but

their confusion quickly turned to anger when they saw what the Canadians

sailors were carrying.

"They were armed. With guns," said Omari. "Canadians. With guns. And a

warship. What is this world coming to?"

"They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all

sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we

wanted to know who gave them the damn warship."

According to Canadian defense officials, the Vancouver is one of four

frigates deployed in the region to assist in the U.S.-led Afghanistan

conflict. The tanker was stopped, officials said, because its cargo of

crude oil violated United Nations sanctions, which prohibit Iraq from

selling oil unless in exchange for food and medicine.

The U.N. said the incident is already under investigation, and promised

swift action against those found responsible for giving the Canadians guns.

Initial findings indicate that the Vancouver crew may have been watching

too many American television shows.

Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

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