New Axis of evil...read on.

[Blane]

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs

Beijing - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."

THE AXIS PANDEMIC

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

[gentlemonkey]

that must be from the onion.. hilarious.

[weezy]

very funny.

they sure have an axis to grind

[h]

chadguay tee hee

[weezy]

MAJORITY OF AMERICANS NOW BELIEVE EVIL IS BAD, SURVEY SAYS

Sign That President's Message May Be Getting Through

In an indication that President Bush has been effective in communicating his message to the American people, a new survey released today indicates that a majority of Americans now believe that evil is bad.

Of those responding, 54% strongly agreed with the statement, "Evil is bad," with 21% strongly agreeing with the statement, "Evil is very, very bad."

By wide margins, those surveyed also agreed with the statement, "Evildoers are bad."

In one of the most persuasive pieces of data in the survey, 87% agreed with the statement, "Evildoers are bad because they do evil, which is bad."

And a whopping 91% agreed with the statement, "I really mean it."

The University of Nebraska poll, whose margin of error is plus or minus five percentage points, shows that the President's message about evil, evildoers, and other evil stuff may be taking hold.

However, those responding to the survey still had some difficulty identifying the three members of the "Axis of Evil" whom President Bush identified in his State of the Union Speech.

Only 12% correctly identified Iran, Iraq, and North Korea, while 23% incorrectly named Batman super-villains The Joker, The Riddler, and Catwoman.

In other poll results, 61% agreed with the statement, "Washington, D.C. is the capital of the U.S.A.," and 57% correctly identified the number two as the sum of one plus one.

[scottieking]

Those are great, folks! I'd love to use them in my classroom tomorrow, maybe Friday. What are the sources, just to be semi-responsible?

Personally I always thought the axis of evil was Ronald MacDonald, Bill Gates and that guy that's responsible for putting the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync together.