Magnum Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 (edited) [color:magenta][color:black]Magnum here......I've been away from the board for a while, trying to sort out my well manacured head....and I've been crusing the local dives on Oahu looking (in all the wrong places) for love or at very least hotr lust..and [color:black]I'm hittin' bottom. Just the other day I went out cuising with TC and I got all tanked up on Harvey Wallbangers and I ended up trying to make a play on a really thick polynesian girl whose neck looked like my dad's forehead when he's angry. Nothing happened, I struck out (probably for the best), but I woke up hung and depressed, thinking: [color:black]"Thomas what happened? You used to be the cock of the walk (punn intended), ladies swooned to rub up on you professionally groomed chest..they used to beg to ride the 'satche and now..now you have to get tanked and use TC as man bait to hit on large local chicks with construction workers hands." Oh I just don't know anymore? the 80's are over and my macho sexy hirtsue game is looking shaggy. Now I got boys in blazers with upturn collars, in pink shirts with frosted tips, bringing shame to my topical stud game. I'm a relic of a bygone macho era, I can't play this metrosexual game...[color:brown]For godskakes I was in Quigly Down Under! And now a days the most popular cowboy movie is about two gay dudes out on the range. I think I was acting out of desperation the other night, becuase ...becuase...oh dammit Magnum just say it! OK, Magnum is afraid of being alone on Valentine's Day. OK there I said it. [color:red]Feb.14 is coming and I'm scared of being alone....I mean I may be a TV stud but I'm a man flesh and blood, if you cut me do I not bleed tropical sexy blood? Every year it's either the best of times or the worst of tiees. If you have someone, you're riding high. It's all chcolate, love, lube, non-disocunt porn and Al Jarreau albums. If your alone it's like the world is rubbbing salt in your wounds. [color:purple]So I ask you good people of the board: How do you cope with Valentine's Day (when your single)? What are your strategies? In the past when I have found myself alone, on this most evil day of days,..I've used the following technique: [color:black]Loud Death Metal, PCP and lots and lots of Almond Joy candybars... [color:black][color:blue]...Basically what happens is that I think I'm dying (PCP hallucination)..Then I think I'm in hell (Death Metal +PCP hallucination)..then I wake up a few days later and try to remember who I am. Once I've pieced together my past and realize I'm alive, the last thing I'm worried about is love and affection. I'm just happy to be alive and sane again. The only thing that keeps me alive is the sugar in the Almond Joys. But I digress....I don't think this is the best strategy this year. What do you think? [color:red]Magnum out. [color:black](I bet Face from the A-Team isn't going to be alone on Valentine's day...the ladies love that guy and he only drives a Corevette!) Edited February 11, 2006 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewRider Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 HAHAHAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAAHAHAHAAHAA..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeps Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmoothedShredder Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 One day for celebrating Love? Not me, unless you take Janis Joplins definition of "one day". To quote Oates from another thread:"Get your dick out of your heart!". Gawd I think that's funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headymamamyrna Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 Magnum had better get in touch with MamaPink before Tuesday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollie Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 Cosmic ChrisC's birthday is on Valentine's Day so when we want to go out to celebrate we have to pay the sucker Valentine's menu prices. Such a scam. Single people have nothing to complain about on the 14th. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arcane Posted February 10, 2006 Report Share Posted February 10, 2006 I'll be having my nipples yanked on ... by the baby.Just like every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headymamamyrna Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Cosmic ChrisC's birthday is on Valentine's Day so when we want to go out to celebrate we have to pay the sucker Valentine's menu prices. Such a scam. Single people have nothing to complain about on the 14th.Why not stay home and make her a special dinner!Its way cheaper and more romantic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted February 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 All single people have to complain about is a lack of ass and a plethera of lonliness. Magnum's gonna go hit the pipe now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YearsAlongTheSea Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Classic. Confirmed.Magnum. Maybe you just try too hard. Let it come to you and when you least expect it, love will gravitate to your professionally trimmed stash and perfectly patterned chest hair; and hopefully for your sake, right on down the 'ol happy trail into the Robbin's Nest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveThe Owl Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Message from Higgins: Magnum, too hard you try. You must feel The Force around you. And all will follow. Hoo-hoo-hoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted February 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 (edited) Magnum doesn't try hard Magnum is HARD! Check the stace as I flex. Does my pex intimidate you? It should? Does my Speedo shock and tantilize! You know it does.... Does my moustaceh confuse you? You can't see my upper lip...where did it go? You don't know and you all alone and confused! Now that your vulnerable your all Magnum's! [color:red]I was through with it before you knew what to do with it! ... .,..This may be the PCP talking but I feel confident as Zues! Edited February 11, 2006 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snarfmaster C Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hey MagnumMaybe you should take the chance to see things from a woman's perspective... I'm gonna hit up the Vagina Monologues at the Bronson Centre here in Ottawa. You can be my date if you want... as long as you unbutton your shirt a little so I can glimpse at your supremely macho style chest hair :blush: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted February 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 (edited) [color:orange]Hmm the snatch monolgues you say ...(I say snatch as vagina is too modern and Magnum is 70s playa' at heart) ...well I'd like to go with you Moose and I appriciate the offer and I understand you need to see my chest pelt...as do all the ladies...I'd even be into waving the normal chest hair petting fee in your case...or at very least you could go on www.pricebasher.ca and get a discount on the Magnum fondle... ..But alas Higgins is being a BIATCH.. As you can see. Last night I was listening to my Seals & Crofts albums really loud and smoking banana peels with Rick. Things got a little wild and I was so blasted I fogot to skim the pool. So now Higgins is all up in my grill demading I do my choirs or there's no Ferrari. What a drama Queen. FUCK!, why isn't Agatha blowing his round English ass! I mean fuck just becuase your dusty ass, murder she wrote girlfirend won't chug the royal slug (they're having relationship issues..whatever!) don't take it out on the Magnum. Anywho I guess I got to get to skimmin', or Agatha got to get to rimmin', one or the other, to make Higgins happy so I can get the Ferrari for Valentine's. I need the wheels to zoom the hunnies. Thanks for the invite though. Edited February 12, 2006 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 Magnum...I'm cerainly self-interested when I say this, but I don;t want to see you happy and content. Yer funny as feck when trying to figure things out. You've officially become my fav whacked-skank...shooting past even Kelly_Anne and GWB. I would like to pet you, though. Contacting PriceBasher.ca immediately.....Alternately I could exchange spelling lessons/editing services for the occasional fashion show parade in your tighty-whiteys!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted February 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 (edited) I know, I know Magnum's grammer and spelling need work. Truth be told Magnum dropped out of high school in grade 11 to study the ways of the macho. Besides, a little stupid is sexy or at least a little sleepy is sexy. Or so I hear on this board. That's the genius of the Magnum I've cognitively chosen to lower my written skills to give the ladie's a sense of security and power. When in reality ol' Magnum is choosing to be less evolved. P.S. Magnum don't wear tighty whiteies, it's either commando or high thigh brief. Sexy at all costs....and if you think my chets hair is pettable....can you imagine my ass and upper thigh hair?....It's always clean, blown dry and smells like pine needles wityh a hint of cinnamon. I condition it on a dialy basis for you pleasure. [color:red]My ass smells like a combiantion of the Old Hide house and Northen Reflections (when they've just put out the new popuri). And that's totaly by design. Raaaarrrrrrr! Edited February 12, 2006 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 Valentine's day again. The rope burns on my neck haven't faded from the last time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bokonon Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 Valentine's day again. The rope burns on my neck haven't faded from the last time.sorry about that, i didn't mean to be so rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 My dick just turned inside out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Evil_Mouse Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 (edited) What, you mean like subincision ? Edited February 12, 2006 by Guest Found link *without* pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazlo Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 No, but that does sound hot. I wonder if I could perform one on myself by ramming scissors down my urethra and opening them really fast. Do you think that method might result in a frilly, lacy sort of design around the edges? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted February 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2006 No, but that does sound hot. I wonder if I could perform one on myself by ramming scissors down my urethra and opening them really fast. Do you think that method might result in a frilly, lacy sort of design around the edges?Frilly and lacey. My good sir you've gone soft on us or perhaps flaccid to be more apt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snarfmaster C Posted February 13, 2006 Report Share Posted February 13, 2006 wow. shut down. ... and all because you didn't skim the pool and daddy won't let you out!?!?!? wow. here's a hint if you want to get in with the ladies: grow up and move out. get your own corvette and your own pool.looks like you'll be stroking your own chest mane this valentine's, eh?!ah well. your loss. there are plenty of other bull-moose in the swampy boreal that is Otown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted February 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2006 wow. shut down. [color:blue]... and all because you didn't skim the pool and daddy won't let you out!?!?!? wow. here's a hint if you want to get in with the ladies: grow up and move out. get your own corvette and your own pool. looks like you'll be stroking your own chest mane this valentine's, eh?! ah well. your loss. there are plenty of other bull-moose in the swampy boreal that is Otown. [color:red]Grow up and move out! I fought in 'Nam and I'll have you know that I am Mr. Robin Master's on site head of security. My job is noble and important and just becuase I life in the guest house doesn't mean Higgins is my Daddy or runs my life why... ... ........What?! What's that Higgins? No I didn't pick up your popscicle sticks for your bridge... [color:blue]...what?! How does that affect my guest priveleages?! Look I am a hairy chested man., and if I want to have people over I will, you are noit my father...you hear me not mny father....Why must you always control...Oh it's just never egnough for you is it, I can never be good egnough for you ...you don't appriciate me at all, it all take take, take you pompus bastard.. [color:red]Look, Moose I should go now, I'm sorry I didn't mean to shut you down...I mean, I'm sure your hot and hairy, being a Moose and all, and that really revs Magnum's engine but.... [color:red]Fuck you and your Safari jump suit bullshit, Higgins! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarahbelle Posted February 14, 2006 Report Share Posted February 14, 2006 Valentines day is most certainly evil!!! In Korea they have 2 days for love, Valentines day when the girls give to the guys. White day when the guys give to the girls, and Black day for the single people! I'll be taking part in black day! eating black noodles and drinking. WOooo HOOoooo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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