Turd Ferguson

Turd: Yeah, I'll taking Ironing for 400$ there Alex

Trebeck: That's "Irony" Mr Reynolds.

Turd: Who?

Trebeck: Ok, Mr Ferguson.

Turd: Thanks Spock, now give my Horny for, well whatever it costs.

Trebeck: Mr....umm.....Feeeeerguson. This category is about 'Irony'

Turd: Yeah, sure it is

Knock knock

Trebeck: Ummmm.......who's there?

Tyrd: Hi-jinx

Trebeck: Hi-jinx who?

Turd: Ha ha, I got you to say "dink"

This chick reminds me of Captain Chaos. When you don't want her, she's around! When you want her, she's not around! I'm gonna go get a beer!

Dirk: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?

Jack Horner: Yeah?

Dirk: I was wondering if you had any ideas.

Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me.

Dirk: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.

Jack Horner: Tell me.

Dirk: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler."

Carrie: You have a great profile.

Bandit: Yeah, I do, don't I? Especially from the side.

Dueling Banjos

I've said far worse than him and been paid far more.

These guys arent thinking.

Yeah,

I'll take Paan Is Gay for a thousand Alex.......

The question is:

How do I score on the internets?

Alrighty, give me Hot Cars for 200

Yeah

Pamela Seals is truly a bitch.

Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity... and I'm not sure about the former.

Alex Trebeck: Mr. Reynolds, it's your board, pick a category.

Burt Reynolds: I'll take the dog one.

Alex Trebeck: Alright, words that rhyme with dog for 400. And the answer is 'It's been a "Hard Days Night" I should be sleeping like a "this".' Burt Reynolds

Burt Reynolds: Chinese whore.

Hey, what was his lawyer's name? I've made some bad decisions in the past.

Can I park my car?

"Yeah, right. Now, why dont you tell me the real reason?"

"Darcy, things have obviously changed with you and I dont appreciate what has happened."

'What has happened? Who is this woman? I need answers........'

Is it possible that this band had a bad experience and are going to the their US counterparts not to play Canada? This could be a good thing ff they are also trance bands.

I'll take Cunt Ent for 8 hundred dollars Alex.

I hated those stupid talking ancient trees in The Two Towers. I was hoping those gnomes would pull out some axes and taught those assholes a lesson.

Yeah, just give me the money. You dont even have to ask the question.

I have earlier ones, but this one really sticks out:

"Umm, excuse me?"

The woman asked "Did you say "squeeze" ?"

Darcy thought to himself, Would it matter if I did?

"No, but how do you know who I am?"

As he waited for her response, a gaggle of scotch was thrown in his face.

"What was that for?"

Have you ever seen Shannon Hoon performing at Woodstock?

...........continuation................

"A what? You know, I didnt even realize I was carrying this thing. For some reason, I was just inside of *that* house. You know when you wake up from a dream, you can recall everything that just happened in it for about 30 seconds, but then you slowly begin to forget it all? Well, that is happening to me as we speak."

Darcy, understandably confused, asked him "Tell me what you do remember?"

"An aquariam with strange lights and lots of plants. There was a large bookshelf with one book on it, and an old 8 track player beside it and one of those phonograph players beside that. I felt like I couldnt find my shoes and was looking for them, but when I came outside, they were on my feet."

"Was there anyone inside?"

"Yes, but I cant seem to make out their faces. Its like they had masks on, but it feels like they werent wearing masks. I honestly dont know how I got in there in the first place or how long I was there, but at one point, I did know."

Just then, Darcy's cell phone began to ring.