Some reassurance that They don't know as much about you as you might fear

[Dr_Evil_Mouse]

Picking up the mail today, I get a big direct-mail package from - get this - the North American Hunting Club, complete with a membership card, bumper stickers, and copy that reads,

Dear Fellow Hunter,

Would you mind very much if I sent you a free rifle or bow to try the next time you hunt?

How about a free rain suit? A free knife? A free box of ammo? Or a bottle of scent?

...

... it's my pleasure to inform you that YOU HAVE BEEN NOMINATED TO BECOME AN OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE CLUB....

Why you?

Well, it's no secret among your friends and family that you are a dedicated hunter. As someone who is devoted to the sport, you're exactly the kind of person our Club is always looking for.

And so on.

I don't even squish bugs I find in the house. I trap them and escort them to somewhere that the kids won't step on them.

I might, though, keep the bumper sticker to keep the car safe when I drive to the bar down the road. That "scent" might come in handy, too, for the next festival weekend where there aren't any showers or places to swim... though it might get me in trouble, too, come to think of it.