Child Lost In Santa's Beard

[Booche]

CHICAGO, Ill. -- Rescuers have discovered young Jack Roscoe in a mall-Santa's beard, after a frantic search of the renowned Fletcher department store in Chicago.

"I had handed Jack to Santa for a photo," wept the thirty-three year-old Roscoe. "The store was filled with people so there was a lot of movement, noise, and flashing cameras. I glanced away for a moment and when I looked back at Santa's lap my baby was gone."

Store manager George Willard immediately announced the loss of the child over the intercom. Security personnel were placed at the exits to watch everyone who was leaving, and dozens of sympathetic shoppers searched for the missing baby.

"I also called the police," said Willard. "People tend to get lonely during the holidays. Sadly, it wouldn't have been the first time a child was kidnapped in a crowded place."

"We began questioning customers who had been in the vicinity," said Detective Lance Hardy.

"Many remembered having seen the baby in Santa's lap, then nothing after that."

Suddenly, the detective heard muffled crying. He followed the sound and realized it was coming from Santa.

"Actually, it was coming from his beard," Detective Hardy said. "I put my hands into the deep, fleecy whiskers and parted them. The baby was inside, tangled in the old man's hair. Fortunately, though little Jack Roscoe was understandably upset, he wasn't hurt."

The baby hadn't cried at first because he had found a candy cane that was also stuck inside the beard. Hardy returned Jack to his mother. No charges were filed.

"Ricky Myers, our Santa, is eighty years old," said manager Willard. "He's a former kindergarten teacher and is real good with kids, but he gets confused sometimes. I'm sure he didn't even notice that the baby had been enveloped by his beard."

"In a way, this experience will be beneficial to Jack," said his relieved mother. "The day he finds out that Santa isn't real, he'll probably be relieved."

[\/\/illy]

"In a way, this experience will be beneficial to Jack," said his relieved mother. "The day he finds out that Santa isn't real, he'll probably be relieved."

Wait a minute. What the hell does she mean that "Santa isn't real?"