The Flaps last night

[Velvet]

So me and Douglas and Booche and lurker and Jojo went to Irene's last night to see the Flaps (good to see you there Ahess). The last time I went to see them I showed up for the last minute before what I thought was the set break, but it turned out they were done for the night, at like 11:45pm on a Saturday night! I'm friends with the guitar player but I chewed him out so bad for that we almost got into an argument.

Anywho, with that in mind we finished our umpteenth beer at my place and headed out at a reasonable hour. Got there for the last minute of what was their first of two sets. Thank gawd.

Apparently the band is instrumental, but they occasionally get a guy to sit in as a guest-singer. That was the case for the second set, and I'm pretty damn glad of it.

The band came out all wearing pajamas while the singer donned one of them toques with the ear flaps, and an Adidas-style gym suit. The guitarist hit a chord before they started and I called it: Tainted Love by Soft Cell. To say they nailed it would be a lie, but the band rocked it out. The singer, however, immediately became the focus of all attention. Not the greatest pipes in the world, but that was totally irrelevent. The man rocked out like he was Vince Neil circa 1984. He was absolutley fu©king hilarious, jumping down on the floor to sing two feet from us in the audience, bending over backwards and singing his lungs raw. Shocked to utter disbelief at what I was seeing, they kicked into Silly Love Songs by Sir Paul. The Valentine theme of the evening was becoming apparent, and the man was still rocking our jaws to the floor. Third tune was a medley, I Feel Love into Ghost Riders into a complete version of I Was Made For Loving You by Kiss. As my raised rock and roll hands pumped the air our singer was on his knees screaming like a high school kid lip-syncing in front of the mirror. It was fu©king glorious.

For the next track, Ketchup Song by Stompin', the man brought out a box of cold french fries and handed them out to we in the front. Then it was time for him to take a break. The band played My Funny Valentine and Besame Mucho instrumentally while I got a beer and tried to find my marbles. When I saw the singer come back out I hustled back up to the front. Though I was singing every word of the next tune, it took me almost to the chorus to recognise it as Def Leppard's Love Bites, done very fast and rockin'. Really cool arrangement. I think it was then that the singer opened a package of sausages. Holding one like a cigar, he ventured back onto the floor and slowly approached the row of us standing there. By now it was obvious that this guy might just do anything, and I felt it was a test, he was looking to make us flinch, checking to see that we deserved the front row. I had to muster all my power to not step out of range, but I held my ground, and he, satisfied, returned to the stage, sausage intact. Then, of course, they launch into Love Bites by Judas Priest. Ahess, right next to me, is loving it. While our faces are nearly melted the band kicks into Whole Lotta Love. Wow. Just as the vocals come they switch gears and do it as a lounge tune. Brilliant. Singer-man bled it dry, singing "Way way way way, I'm talking way way way down inside." At one point he turned to the band and said that the audience didn't understand what he was talking about, I drunkenly screamed that I understood him completely. He approached me, we discussed it, and he was convinced that I knew he was talkin' 'bout being way way way way I mean way way WAY down inside.

Though it was already an experience I'd never forget, the kicker came in the last song, Love Will Tear Us Apart. The man grabbed a can of whip cream, and with one of the sausages hanging out of his tight white shorts (he dropped the pants mid-set) he used the whip cream to simulate self-love for a moment, but what floored me, and I mean floored me, is he sang the last verse and chorus while simultaneously spraying the entire contents of the whip cream cannister into his mouth at a nice constant stream. So he's singing his heart out while mounds of the whip cream overflows out of his mouth and down his shirt to the floor. I could not believe my eyes, I was laughing so hard I could barely stand.

I honestly can't remember ever enjoying a bar band that much ever. It was incredible.

Then I made the mistake of asking a pharmacist why it takes so many years of study to fill bottles with pills. It was meant as a joke but I had to leave soon and with a crowd, they honestly wanted to kick my ass.

Great fu©king night.

[StoneMtn]

I love that review. That could have been sooo different, like, "They did a bunch of cliche rock love songs for Valentine's Day...", but instead Velvet made the evening sound like a momentous, epic of rock 'n' roll craziness!

Awesome.

Thanks Todd.

[Velvet]

It was all of those things.