bokonon Posted February 22, 2007 Report Share Posted February 22, 2007 My friend Wanda forwarded this to me, a little later than I needed it, but it's never too late for everyone else!! Dating a musician is no easy feat. First you have to realize that the band will always, no matter how important you think you are, come first. If you can't handle that basic point, then don't bother reading the rest of these tips. It's never gonna work out. Move on. Go date a dishwasher. If you're okay with being second or maybe even tenth - below his tour manager - on his priority list, then you might have a chance of happiness. Keep in mind, not all musicians are total freaks. Some of them can end up being really sweet, especially if they have grown up a little and realize that you love them for for who they are and not because their video is playing on MTV. Good luck - you're gonna need lots, honey. Make sure he realizes that you are indeed his girlfriend and not a groupie. You're definitely gonna feel like one when you go to all his gigs to show support. And don't get pissy when girls flirt with him. He's a musician and that sorta thing goes with the territory. Just be sure he knows not to transform those groupies into bimbo bed tourists. After all, if you trust each other, you shouldn't be jealous of a drooling tart in pink fishnets. Don't freak out if he breaks a romantic dinner date on account of band practice. This will happen a lot. Chances are he was looking forward to spending time with you, but spaced a band rehearsal. He means well. Really. Try not to place tons of importance on timeliness. Assuming his latest love song is about you is a bad idea. He did date girls (and maybe guys) before you and probably still harbors feelings for them. Most likely, unless you fell for a bubblegum pop star, he'll play the angry singer and won't write a song about you until you break his heart or he breaks yours. Album credits are for kissing peoples' butts or making amends. Don't expect to be thanked in the liner notes unless you paid rent for the entire band for a year. Remember, tributes are for bill payers (a.k.a. parents) and dead folks. His guitar is his child. Do not borrow it, touch it, trip over it or mock it. Even if it's a purple glitter guitar with a torn Alf sticker on it. His guitar is sacred. His guitar is sometimes his only key to communication. He loves his guitar more than people. No one understands him and he likes it that way. It makes him feel different and interesting. If you don't get his lyrics or you think his comments can be slightly cruel at times, just deal with it. It's part of his act. If he makes a mantra out of the phrases "you don't understand me" or "you have no idea what it's like to be me," then just let it go. You probably do understand him all too well, and that's what bugs him. You don't always have to be a musician to understand one. Many musicians also go down the path of indifference. Sometimes it's a direct result of taking anti-depression meds, but on the whole it's just who they are. It's amazing how musicians seem to pour out their souls in their music, but can't handle an emotional conversation with their girlfriends. On the other side of the coin, your boyfriend might end up being a drama queen. This means he yells a lot about annoying band members or freaks out when the sound system is screwy at his concert. Beware of this type. They often think they are Jesus and have the nail marks to prove it. Be careful dating the depressed musician. It might be nice to feel like this lost soul needs you and only you. But as soon as you screw up in the slightest, you're off his pretty pedestal and in the dumpster. Getting collect calls at 3am on a regular basis from a boyfriend on tour who's asking to be talked out of suicide, does not count as foreplay. Get him the kind of help from people who are paid to deal with this sorta thing. You're supposed to be his best friend, not his therapist. Don't let yourself become your boyfriend's free promotions director. Seriously. Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean his band is godly. So don't shove his demo tapes in your friends faces like a religious cult member. Heroin use is not cool. He may think it's neat because all his band heroes do it. But unless you want to hold his head while he vomits nonstop or wake up next to a corpse - stick with the fella whose only vices are coffee and cigarettes. If your boyfriend takes up residence in the studio, be prepared: many a relationship gets shoved into the tar pits because either he can't handle the pressure of both a relationship and a record, or you'll get frustrated because he knows how to use a mixing board but somehow forgets how to operate a phone. Personally, I think if your relationship survives the studio stage, it'll survive through anything. Of course, I've never passed this stage. Get a life. Have other interests besides watching him practice his new song in his bedroom twenty times. You don't need to be around him 24-7, and he'll be glad to have the space. This tip holds true for any kind of boyfriend. All contents copyright © 1996-2006 by Bonnie Burton. DISCLAIMER: By the way, these tips aren't meant to upset the actual punkers, stoners, musicians, ravers, goths and other types who visit Grrl.com. Sure not all musicians care more about their guitars than their girlfriends, and not all stoners eat tons of Ho-Hos, and not all goths wear black eyeliner, and not all ravers take E. But that's not the point. THIS IS IN JEST AND GOOD FUN. Learn to laugh at yourself a little. After all, not only have I dated all these stereotypes, but at different points of my life I was each of these stereotyoes myself -- except for the Redneck, that is. And discuss.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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