Gore...phew! whatever!

[Tricky]

Al Gore Caught Warming Globe To Increase Box Office Profits

Dozens of eyewitness reports indicated that former vice president Al Gore deliberately attempted to raise the earth's temperature in order to boost box office receipts for An Inconvenient Truth, his documentary film about global warming that was released in May.

DESPERATE MEASURES

Former vice president Al Gore takes a flamethrower to the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica to boost weekend ticket sales for An Inconvenient Truth.

"We have accounts from concerned citizens that Mr. Gore purchased a Cadillac Escalade SUV several months before [his film] opened in theaters," said Kimberly Blume, spokeswoman for the California-based environmental group Friends Of The Earth. "Not only did Mr. Gore use his new gas-guzzler to make short trips to the grocery store, he also left the vehicle running 24 hours a day in the driveway of his Tennessee home with the air-conditioning on full-blast."

In the weeks following the film's release, witnesses reported additional sightings of Gore engaging in activities such as discharging can after can of 1980s-era, CFC-laden aerosol into the air, and single-handedly clear-cutting over 6,000 acres of Amazon rain forest.

Gore is also rumored to have set a four-acre tire fire outside Akron, OH, and ordered his Secret Service detail to shoot on sight anyone who attempts to put it out.

"It's sad to see a man we thought was a passionate defender of the environment despoiling it for his own monetary gain," Blume said.

Blume said that she and many environmentalists had momentarily expressed relief in late November when Gore appeared to cease his months-long practice of dismantling old refrigerators in order to release ozone-destroying freon into the atmosphere. Blume soon learned, however, that Gore had resumed the activity in Antarctica, where the earth's ozone layer is most fragile.

Environmental groups have called for the federal government to step in and put a stop to Gore's actions, but officials say they do not have the power to stop him.

"There is no legal recourse anyone can take against the former vice president," Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Stephen L. Johnson said. "Mr. Gore is well within the emissions standards set by the current administration."

By year's end, Gore failed to slow his assault on the planet's delicately balanced climate systems. Satellite surveillance revealed what many believe to be a snowshoed Gore jumping up and down on an ice shelf in Greenland, chainsawing glaciers in the Alaskan wild, and urinating in the Gulf Stream waters off the coast of Newfoundland.

[can-o-phish]

WTF???

[Alexis]

sometimes i fucking hate the onion

[Cully]

Easy on the F-shots!!!

[Tricky]

I find the sarcasm of the onion just enough...but I guess if some don't understand the intention of sarcasm this article would seem to not make sense. The extremely ridiculous points that are made are intended to show how dedicated Gore is to environmental issues.

[Alexis]

i get the sarcasm...but when people (and no offense to you) post it without quoting a source and it's taken out of context the reader thinks it's a serious piece of work.

f you cully f'in f'er

[Tricky]

I guess if you know nothing of the issue than it would be taken seriously...it's too bad when people take things too seriously though, it detracts from its importance. It's strange that a source would be needed in order for individuals to decide what direction they're going to think. point taken though, no matter where I would have read the article, I would have thought it was funny as hell, it's very obvious humor.

[Alexis]

i guess that because i saw that article a couple hours after i watched the movie i thought it was in poor taste, in fact i'm sure that effected my perspective.

[Tricky]

it's funny how different each of us can interpret things or take them differently. I too just watched the movie and so had a better understanding of Gore's feelings towards the environmental issue. I saw an extremely compassionate man trying to relay a very important message to the human race, and to read that onion article afterwards made me bust a gut laughing. I can see how it could be taken as a possible 'offensive' article to some now, but on the whole still funny as hell to me!