A Sweet Tale

[Douglas]

So here's a little short story I wrote one night when I was living in Kingston. It was a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I had worked until 1am and was bitter because I had to finish a COBOL program for 9am and I was so far gone. So instead of tossing my computer out the window, I decided to document how my night at work went at the local Jumbo Video store.

Here goes..........

custie: "Do you have a copy of Snow White in?"

Douglas: "Nope"

custie: "Why the hell not?"

Douglas: "well, I'm guessing that someone else has probably rented it dumbass"

custie: "Don't call me a dumbass, dumbass"

Douglas: "Just go pick out a different movie, sh!t-for-brains....and have some of delicious filthy popcorn while you browse. "

~23 seconds pass by~

custie: "Did a copy of Snow White come in yet?"

Douglas: "What do you think, jackass?"

custie: "Fine. I'll just take this then"

~Customer slams down a little white tab on the counter~

Douglas: "Oh! I see that you've picked a real 'dick-smacker' of a movie here, you dirty bastard! This sure 'beats' those dwarfs!"

custie: "This popcorn tastes like sh!t"

Douglas: "Well, that's because we wash all the utensils in the men's toilet. Yumm yumm! Get it in ya'!"

custie: "Bitch"

Douglas: "Shut-up fu©k-head....do you want protection?"

~Customer smirks~

Douglas: "TAPE protection you sick fu©k! Forget it! You can't have it! Now take your Jenna #23 (real popular here in Kingston!) and get the fu©k out.....NOW!

No bag for you!"

~enter store manager~

Douglas: "Have a lovely day! You're movie is due back by midnight tomorrow!"

custie: "Whatever. I'll bring it back in 84 days."

Douglas: "YOU'LL BRING THAT fu©king MOVIE BACK YOU BASTARD!"

store manager: "Lynn, you're fired.....better yet. Here, take this bag of popcorn and sit in the corner and eat it. You can think about what you've done. When you're ready to treat our customers with the respect they deserve, then you can come back up"

~80 years pass by and I am still sitting in the back corner.~

fu©k them....this popcorn does taste like sh!t.

[bokonon]

this story fully encapsulates the bitterness of retail workers everywhere. it is wonderfully expressive, colourful and humourous. i love it!