Roman Abramovich orders probe

[Davey Boy 2.0]

facking corrupt pilfering idiot:

Chelski owner Roman Abramovich has reportedly ordered a full-scale probe into the club's 'slump'.

The Daily Mirror claims that 'Abramovich sent a delegation to the club's Surrey training ground to find out what has gone wrong.'

'Wrong', of course, equates to merely holding a six-point lead in the Premiership after suffering the shameful indignity of their first Premiership defeat in over a year.

‘The Russian billionaire's right-hand man, Chelsea director Eugene Tenenbaum, headed up the inquiry as they interviewed EVERY member of staff and the playing squad who were at the training ground,' the Mirror reports.

The findings of the probe are unknown, but presumably they may go something along the lines of 'even if you spend £300m your club still might lose the occasional football match.'

[M.O.B.E]

tomorrow the daily mirror shall claim that Frank Lampard has been kidnapped by the russian mob in connection with the "probe"