Cubalog

[Velvet]

Cubalog, Stardate 011106

My first ever all-inclusive vacation. The plan is to leave from Montreal at 10am, requiring we leave Ottawa at 6am. No problem. Except at 10pm the night before we leave my new truck got towed to facilitate snow clearing, and the tow truck operator (who wasn’t a tow truck driver at all, but rather a tow truck mechanic who was filling in for someone) accidentally tore off the front end of my truck. Luckily the thing was still drivable and we got to Montreal as planned after a cozy 2 hours of sleep.

Fortunately we had enough time to stop at the airport bar for a quick $7 beer and on the plane we go. I haven’t flown coach in quite a while but it was fun regardless. The in-flight movie was some cute-little-girl-who-loves-horses movie starring Kurt Russell. Sure it was a drama but I laughed my ass off nonetheless. We hit the tarmac during a rainstorm but could still feel the heat. Awesome, vacation time is upon us. We were over an hour in line going through immigration, which was fine with me – being in a foreign country is being in a foreign country. Changed some money, grabbed the luggage (I can’t remember the last time I used real luggage) and found our tour company. They sure do make it easy (read – boring). Next thing you know we’re on the bus rocketing at speeds upwards of 40 miles per hour towards our resort an hour-and-a-half away. Looking out the window one can’t help but to get the feeling that the locals are sneering at the touristo bus with hatred. I could be wrong though.

We arrived at the resort around 5pm. I immediately discovered the pool bar and while Heather took a shower I drank six beers and four pina coladas. They come in “fun size†cups. Luckily I was instructed to bring a rye and coke sized mug.

At 6:30 and starving we hit up the buffet dinner. Not too bad; it’s a step up from university cafeteria food but a step down from almost anything else. The upshot is it seems they’re genuinely trying to make it as classy as it can be.

After dinner we went back to the room and watched a bit of telly before making it a really early night. Just as we got into bed around 10pm or so the party started outside of our room. I couldn’t believe it, just outside of our room, utilizing full PA was a resort-sponsored screaming contest, I kid you not. There was prizes for the loudest scream with a separate category for men and women. I cranked the fan in an effort to drown out the party with good old white noise and managed to go to sleep. Unfortunately Heather ended up staying awake wearing pretty much all the clothes she brought with her to bed.

In the morning I was awoken by the conspicuous silence and I made my way to a sub-par breakfast and immediately hit the bar (I’m no lightweight). I took my whiskey and coke to the pool and hung out with a guy from Arnprior. I thought I was pretty clever when I pulled out my big mug, then the guy walks to the bar and comes back with a Tim Horton’s thermos full of pina colatas. He’s my new hero.

Heather and I hit up the orientation session for a while and now we have a week to kill by the pool. It’s hot and drunk out, so things could be worse.

[Velvet]

Cubalog, Stardate 011206

Despite drinking whiskey and cola all day yesterday from the huge cup I brought from home, I still managed to stay upright all day and into the semi-wee hours. The cups they give you at the bar are tiny, so I’m appreciative of the tip I had received prior to departure that I should bring my own mug.

We did nothing yesterday, and enjoyed ourselves immensely in the process. The most activity we ventured was a couple of games of cribbage. Exhausted, we spent the remainder of the day back on plan A: do nothing. I’ve never vacationed like this before, but I’m adaptable.

Without even thinking of the implications, yesterday I donned one of my Capitalism Sucks t-shirts. Many of the employees made favorable mention of it, though the Spanish teacher responded by saying “communism sucksâ€. It’s a nice idea but I suspect it would be a tricky shirt to sell.

This morning I did a tour of the resort. There’s about two hundred rooms here, each in a building of four rooms apiece. Heather and I have upgraded to a junior suite. The room is nice with a huge balcony. An interesting feature is that you have to insert the room key into a box behind the door to get the electricity to work. Good idea, that. There’s a large pool with a swim-up bar near our room, which I have yet to try, though I strongly suspect today is the day. There’s artificial streams all over with little bridges, and a few peacocks and flamingos and at least one huge iguana living on site. There’s the big buffet dining room and four other specialty restaurants, but you have to make reservations in person before 8:30am to eat at these. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll still be awake for that. There’s also a burger grill on the beach, but they offer mainly beef sushi. There’s a mini-golf course that is half submerged in sand and a tennis court, a stage area (where the screaming contest was held) and a reluctant computer for internetting. The beach is all white sand, with the obligatory rows of lawn chairs and the volleyball nets. I’m not crazy about beaches and if not for the burger grill I’d never go there again. Lots of cats around, a few geckos, and a mile of blue sky.

It’s no bicycle trip across Newfoundland, but it’ll do.

So the day ahead of us holds a myriad of possibilities, but hopefully we won’t take up any of them. I got a Spanish lesson in a few hours and there’s dinner in there somewhere, but beyond that I think we’ll just try and take it easy.

I ran into my Tim Horton’ thermos buddy last night, and he was almost as drunk as I was trying to be. Maybe I’ll see about borrowing that thermos.

[Lazlo]

What's next? A trip around the island in a Goodyear?

[Velvet]

Cubalog Stardate 0113056

We almost played tennis today.

[Velvet]

Cubalog, Stardate 011406

There are three a la carte restaurants here at the resort, but you have to reserve a spot day by day, and they fill up really early. So we arranged for an 8am wakeup call to book a spot at the pizzeria, if you can believe that. Well, that and to get an early start towards Camaguey, one of Cuba’s largest cities, about 110kms from our resort.

There is a scooter rental dude here and I asked him about taking a scooter to Camaguay and he said he thought that was pretty nuts, so I figured it was a pretty good idea. So at 9:30am Heather and I set out. We soon found out that the scooter would go about 50kms/h or so flat out, so flat out is where I kept it. Mapless, we followed the signs towards the city until I noticed how low on gas we were getting. We stopped and asked about a filling station and were told we had about 20kms to go. I was confident we weren’t gonna make it, and I was right. With anywhere from four to eight kilometers to go, depending on who you asked, we started walking the scooter down the long hot road. A few people we passed along the way asked what was up, sympathized with our problem, smiled and left us to it. At one point a guy on a horse-drawn buggy told us to wait (I think) and that he would try and find us some gas (I think) and come back with it (I think). We waited for him for a while and then kept walking, never to see him again. Eventually a guy on a motorcycle stopped. Acknowledging our difficulty, he peered into his gas tank, estimated how much he needed and proceeded to bleed some gas off his fuel line for us. We were pretty ecstatic; then the thing wouldn’t start. We finally got it going then we finally got going, towards the town of Minas a few more kilometers away. The guy wouldn’t take any money but Heather gave him some crayons for his bambinos.

Soon the gas station loomed before us like salvation before sinners and we pulled in with hi-fives all around.

Cut to a scene from The Blues Brothers:

Attendant: “Outta gas.â€

Jake: “Yep, we sure are. Fill it up and check the oil while you’re at it, would you?â€

Attendant: “No, I mean we’re outta gas, the truck should have been here hours ago.â€

Wow. We looked at the guy and said “You’re out of gas?!?!? Really?!?!?†And he said “Si.†We went back and forth with the same exchange way more times than necessary. We understood, but we found it really difficult to understand. Of course there were no other gas stations in Minas, and the closest one was Camaguey, a mere 32 kilometers away. He asked if we had much gas and I explained that we had run out and some guy on a motorcycle had stopped and given us some. As I turned to point at a passing motorcycle to illustrate my point I was amazed to see that the guy I was pointing at was the same guy who had stopped to help us out. “That’s him,†I cried, and I jumped up and down and flapped my arms either in excitement or an effort to get our friendly helper to keep at it. The guy stopped and our attendant Miguel went to speak with him. Soon motorcycle man drove off and Miguel told me to pull the scooter behind the building and out of site. A half-hour later Miguel came back saying he had asked everybody and could find none to spare.

Now what do we do?

Heather suggested we get a taxi into Camaguey and get some gas and bring it back. Miguel did her one better and offered to go in the taxi himself, while a nice woman (whose relationship to Miguel remains unclear) suggested we wait for him at her house, and that’s just what we did. She lived in a small house with her husband and child; a very sparsely furnished place with ridiculously uncomfortable chairs. One of the two decorations on the wall was a poster of a scantily clad woman and a hot rod, with the words “Charming Beauty†printed at the bottom in garish yellow. She made us coffee that was so strong as to be, for us anyway, virtually undrinkable, and put on music and tried to make small talk. She took us out back and showed us their pig, only two months old but already very big. She gave us her address and insisted that we let her know the next time we were coming to Cuba so she could roast the pig for us. She explained that they were very poor but at the same time they were happy to share all they had. Soon enough Miguel was back, and he had the precious gas. We filled up, took some pictures of our saviors, left some crayons and colouring books for the kid, and finally we were back on the road.

Less than an hour later we were in Camaguey, a relentlessly confusing myriad of narrow one-way streets that had us riding around in circles. We stopped for lunch and decided to visit a plaza or two. Though the signage was excellent, the city’s layout still made finding anything a test of determination and serendipity. Eventually we found a plaza and it was so unremarkable in relation to how hard it was to find that we decided to skip the other plazas. We parked and did a walkabout, taking some pictures and trying to stay as unlost as possible. The buildings were so grand in design and yet decrepit in upkeep, and oh, the cars! Everywhere you look is a beautiful pre-1961 Chevrolet; it looked like a motorized casting-call for Grease. I wonder if these people know how collectible their rides are. Though I’m not a “car guy†I come from a car family, and as such couldn’t help but to constantly revel in the beauties. Wow, wow, wow, I liked them cars.

Eventually we tired of the town and decided to try and make it back to our resort in time for out a la carte reservation at the pizzeria, which seemed unlikely. We filled the tank and three water bottles full of gas and headed off into the sunset, and ultimately a gorgeous full-moonrise. It was a chilly, grueling drive – I went off the road (onto the shoulder) once and almost lost it at a few sneak-up-on-us railroad tracks, but after about two and-a-half hours we made it back to the resort and bee-lined it to the restaurant, forty minutes late for our reservation. Fortunately, four puppy-dog eyes were enough to convince them to refire up the oven and feed us.

Though the trip to Camaguey took us over seven hours, the trip back to Santa Lucia seemed to me to take much longer.

[backbacon]

Thanks for sharing Velvet (and Phorbesie in the other thread) Now let's hear about the rest of the trip.

[Velvet]

Cubalog, Stardate 011706

After a relatively tough Saturday, we decided to take it easy the next day; my most strenuous activity was wolfing down three consecutive hamberguesas at the beach grill while stomaching an endless supply of very strong BananaMama’s. On Monday we decided to cycle up to Coco beach, about ten kilometers up the road. We set off with the breeze on our back and had a lovely ride up the beach, marred only by a couple of chain derailments and some sandy roadage. On our way to the beach we were stopped by a nice man and his sister, and they suggested we sup at their restaurant. We went on and hit the beach, which was very nice, Heather bought a couple of souvenirs while I had a beer, and we went back to the restaurant where Heather ate the langusta while I had another beer.

The guy was a musician, and he grabbed his guitar and played us a few tunes. We took turns back and forth and he went and got his band – he wanted me to teach his guitarist how to play ‘Get Back’ (I love how The Beatles transcend all cultural boundries), and I complied. We were rewarded by hearing a few tunes by the band, including an awesome Spanish rap, and we remounted our bikes and headed for home, our last night ahead of us.

I made a point of hitting the disco for our last night, and though I was impressed by it, I just wasn’t in the mood for a ripper on the last night. A few last whiskey and Cokes and it was off to bed for the last night in Cuba.

The next day we hit breakfast and grabbed a few beers while we were corralled into buses to Camaguey and the airport. Ultimately I would say it was a pleasant and relaxing vacation; exactly what I was expecting. I will go on to say that I don’t think I’ll book another all-inclusive for quite some time. There was nothing wrong with the package, it’s just that I suspect when I think back to Cuba my best memories will be the two times we left the resort. That tells me that relaxation is an exercise better spent at home for me, while international vacations are for exploring.

[phorbesie]

ahahahhaaha

i forgot about those lumpy chairs!!! that was the funniest thing i've ever seen. this lady's furniture had huge lumps sticking right out of it.

also forgot about you driving off the road, which is good.

thanks for sharing the trip velvet! (in life as well as in print i mean)