...cos the last time I told her to stop I got belted in the mouth

[Davey Boy 2.0]

Bad Sex Award 2007 shortlisted passages

[Booche]

I have made poor career choices in my time. Its time to study writing.........

"Mountains of kinkiness black as the night above the Serengeti with paprika shoots at the edges - the pubic hair alone must have clocked in at half a kilo, while providing the inspiration for two discernible trails of hair, one running up to the navel, the other to the base of the spine."

[Davey Boy 2.0]

late entry:

She was thrust upon the sofa like a drunken man being evicted from the local club. She lay there still, the glint of vomit upon her chin reflected into JB's eyes and he knew it was time for some major porking.

Her pants dissolved like an chemical accident at a laboratory and as his chubby fingers touched her lady garden. The wetness was something to behold, it reminded him of a trip to Niagra falls but tonight he was going to take her on a tour of Viagra Falls. He plonked his belly on her legs and entered her like Marty McSorley on a breakaway.

9 minutes later JB had blown his beans of desire and lay next to his conquest, he felt like Alexander the great but with the bucket of chicken beside him he knew he was better than that.

[Booche]

THAT'S A TRUE STORY FROM NORBERRY!

I'll keep the secret as to whom JB really is but suffice to say, Janet 'The Planet' was not the woman in question.

[Booche]

Let me be clear, before I get anymore email guesses from folks. JB is NOT Jimmy Butler. Well, not in this story.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

...the long walk up the 2 flights of stairs left them both winded but their increase in body temperature only made them hotter.

She threw him down, and climbed atop like a coked up Sherpa. As they mashed their bodies together the sweaty steaming stench attracted his dog, Ralph.

JB reached out into the night table to distract him with the granola bar he kept there for emergencies. “Oh no you don’tâ€, she reached out to get it just as Ralph sunk his teeth in. A battle ensued, the tug of war lurching her to and fro amid growls grunts and groans, much to the delight of JB.

[badams]

The wetness was something to behold, it reminded him of a trip to Niagra falls but tonight he was going to take her on a tour of Viagra Falls.

This sounds like something I have experienced. In fact this may be a direct quote from me.

[Booche]

It wasnt a bull. It was more like a tiny calf.

[Davey Boy 2.0]

She was propped up on her haunches, her booty gyrating and bucking like a mechanical bull. I fixated on her mosslike mound, it looked like it had spent some time at a taxidermist's and I thought "that looks familiar". I hearkened back to last fall when I went mink hunting with my burly unshaven neighbour, JB. He stunk like a Fezian tannery but that only made seem more vulnerable, pitiful. Suddenly I leapt into position commandeered her stuffed varmint, and bellowed "Flush out that mink, JB- I think it just scuttled into the bush"

Edited November 27, 2007 by Guest
I'll stop now!!