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is life some kind of sick joke?


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Is someone playing a cruel game from above, and if so, could he please stop. I know there are lots of things going on in this world right now that are just crazy. Things that I wouldn’t have imagined in my craziest dreams. I’ve always shrugged it off, saying life sucks, live every day to its

fullest, yada yada yada.

Life’s cruel game makes me so mad, frustrated, sad, and confused. I live in Canada. We are kinda secluded to ‘real’ life’s hardships. Drugs have hurt so many people. I’ve done my share, quit doin’

them long ago, yet had some brain problems as of late as a result of previous use. I’ve experienced stuff that just hurts to be viewed, yet have not had the strength to stop.

Last night my cousin came by and we just shot the shit for a bit. He seemed depressed. I know he’d been taking some pain medication in the past 6 months or so, but i figured it was just a phase. He’s 24, I’m 22. Well, last night he says something to the extent of #8220;I’ve found my perfect drug. It makes me happy. Makes me feel good. I got it from some cancer patient. I swear this shit is great. 12 dollars for a pill. Its like 40 milligrams. Its so great. The shit even made me have with

drawls after i took it, and came off of it. I couldn’t believe it. I love it. Something called Oxy-Contin.

Up here in Canada, I’ve never seen or heard of anyone doing Oxy. I know its huge in the states, and it’s a rather problem with kidz overdosing. I’ve actually seen a few kids OD on that shit on

past tours. I was always rather thankful that the shit never made its way up here. My mom works in a pharmacy, and mentioned to me that its almost impossible to get up here.

Well, after hearing what my Dan (my cousin) had said, at first i was pretty calm. Stuff like, dude you know that’ll kill ya, its not a good drug. He was super resistant to anything i said. Claiming because it is given to cancer patients it’s not bad. I was kinda mad at this point, telling him how stupid he was for doing this drug without even knowing anything about it. By this point, things were getting VERY heated. My fiancee had now stepped between us. I was very enraged that

someone i love would do something like this, and have no cares or regrets about it. I mean he’s not a kid!

He left soon after this arguement, leaving me in enraged. I was so mad. He didn’t even care what i told him about the drug. He sounded like such a child claiming it was letting him escape. Blah blah blah.

WHy someone would choose to play Russian roulette with their life, knowing (claiming he new it was bad, but didn’t care) the consequences. Life is precious. Not everyone is fortunate to life a healthy life. Why throw yours away!

This afternoon, still bummed about last night, I got a call from one of my best friends. One of my life long hockey teammates Steve, who has been battling cancer for the past few years, situation got much worse. Years ago he got cancer in his back, stopping his hockey career at 18. Steve went though surgery to get rid of it. Instead it spread to his lungs! He spent a year fighting the cancer in his lungs. He never smoked, cigs nor pot. He fought so hard for over a year and this past summer he was fighting very hard. His chemo treatments were knocking him really hard. Happily in August he was told the cancer in his lungs had subsided.

Unfortunately in October, he went to the emergency room for major back pain. Well, he has been there for months now. The call from my buddy informed me that his cancer had spread from his lungs to his spinal cord, rendering him unable to walk. Worse still, the doctors said he probably wouldn’t make it to Christmas! He has had numerous surgeries and biopsies trying to rid himself

of this evil disease. He is SUCH a fighter. NEVER complains about anything. Not the way he is feeling, not the medication is was putting him on his ass. He was a healthy, drug and cigarette free shining star.

Why would the ‘supreme being’ from above do this to us? Allow one of his ‘children’ to suffer,

while another throws his life away. Steve’s family has been so strong through all of this. If they loose him before Christmas, I cannot imagine the pain they are going to suffer. So much pain from something that wasn’t caused. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, certainly not Steve’s.

One best friend struggles to survives, while another, a part flesh and blood, chooses to throw his away!


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I hear what you are saying..... I've seen this amongst my own friends and family.

Unfortunately, life can be very cruel to the people that least deserve it (it breaks my heart). It bogles my mind day in and day out how the human mind works, and what truly causes people to do the things they do.

The fates are not fare!

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I really wish there was an easy answer for you here. Without sermonizing on you, I can tell you that the reason people are "allowed" to do harmful things to themselves is due to a little thing called freewill, which is something that we all have and need. Try to control your frustrations with your cousin and continue to offer him all the love and support he needs. As for why bad things happen to good people that answer is a lot tougher and a whole lot deeper. Again for now let me just say that you should continue to offer love & support, and dont forget to seek some for yourself. The answers are out there and everything will fall into place and make sense eventually.

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thanks everyone. yes friday night was great. was able to forget about my condition, my friends horrible condition, and my cousins stupid condition.

He's the one that pisses me off the most. TOtal suburban lifestyle. never had anything hard. parents are wealthy.

he's 24 living at home. throwing it away. i got some decent websites, and read them thuroughly, that way i know more facts when i talk to him.

unfortunately after reading these facts, its now like an 'if i talk to him again.'

and that sucks.

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Wow Steve this is very disturbing news you bring there. Someone needs to slap good ol Dan on the face with this one, these pills are designed for CANCER PATIENTS ONLY. My Mom is recently going through cancer and this is the second time she has had it. First time breast cancer and now has cancer in her back which is not curable it is just controlable.She wasnt supposed to live past Christmas last year but she held through till the doctors found the medication that was agreeable with her, which took months and months of trying new kind of drugs to see what worked with her the best, and let me tell some of it wasnt pretty. But now my Mom is looking better than ever, I mean she still has the cancer but she seems to be doin just fine. Now to see someone playing around with these pills that some people NEED to help them through there sickness or to just overcome the pain is just frickin ridiculous [Confused]

Also sorry to hear about your friend there Steve I know it is hard and he has suffered enough but that is just one of lifes mysteries that noone will ever know, and my heart goes out to him, for I know what it is like to see someone suffer with this god ugly sickness.

Hopefully Dan sits down and thinks about what you said to him the other night and thinks seriously what he is doing to himself. You should even let him read some of the posts that people have put on here about the situation. Anyways on a good note 6 more days until Albony brother [Wink]

PS: fiancee? no one told me

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me neither [Wink]

It was actually a post for a christian website that i have been posting on for about a month.

they are really helpful over there. been helping me a couple of things lately.

anyways, yes, i have mentioned to them that little T was my fiancee, just to show the closeness we share. NO we are not engaged yet, i should have edited that part out of this paste.

After the post overthere i thought, my friends here may offer some other points of view.

AND it was true. you guys have been great. its just SOOOOO hard knowing what my cousin/almost brother, is doin w/ his life. especially i see the flip coin minutes later.

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Visited my buddy Steve last night, first night at home.

It was very surreal. He knew he there would be no more operations, no more chemo. No more Biopsies, or more medication.

He's still bright as ever, asking if he should say hi to anyone for us from 'above'. So weird!. I tried to stay positive, but says he's at peace with things.

Its soo hard to not be emotional around him, especially when HE is fighting still, wheel chair and all.

They have him on, get this, oxy-contin, which makes things EVEN more unreal. He's still not complaining though.

He was offered one of those 'last wish' compains where he can go somewhere, or so something that he's always wanted. He said "allow someone who really needs a miracle."

That did it last night, and well now. Tears. His Strength!

Well, 'brother from above', whats next?

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It really is amazing how those who are suffering can somehow seem to be so strong and resilient while their friends & loved ones are in emotional turmoil over it. I am glad to hear your friend seems to be at peace with his situation. Keep on keepin on. One way or another your present darkness will end and things will seem a bit brighter from the experiences you have had the pleasure of sharing with your friend.

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Must be okay because it's for cancer patients? Okay, here's a handful of cobalt-60, dude.

When my mom had heavy-duty radiation treatment for her cancer, I wasn't allowed to stay in the room for more than a few minutes, lest my eggs turn into mayonnaise. Mom was so sick from the radiation poisoning that she didn't remember my visit. Later on, we found out that the radiation did some rather extensive tissue damage elsewhere.

The treatment helped her survive, but at a price. Not exactly what I'd call a recreational drug.

Cancer drugs are, for the most part, administered at levels designed to be toxic. The goal is to kill off a part of your system. The worse the cancer, the greater the chance that the the dosage will be limited by what it would take to kill *you*.

(Caveat: No, it's not true of all cancer drugs, but it's true often enough.)

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No, life isn't fair. I'm not a pro at that lesson, but I'm an educated amateur.

I find that yelling at God isn't particularly productive. Maybe it's cathartic for some folks. I dunno. Like I tell my kid, "It's your homework, I didn't give it to you, and it's not going to help you to have me do it for you. I'll be happy to help you with it, though. There's a point in it somewhere, even if the point is to teach you to that the educational system needs some work."

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this is a reply to the first post:

i think your questions can come down to a debate on relligion. Does God exist or not? if you dont believe in God its easier to accept the horrible things that life can bring our way.

if you do believe in God its hard to understand how he can let this happen. Basically, i think, if there is a God i dont think He has any control over the events in our lives, or perhaps we all have a destiny that He cannot tamper with.

All in all no one can answer those questions, yet they are the questions that need answering the most in our lives.

all we can really do is take things as they come.

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I can understand how things like what have just happened to you might shake any faith you had, and question the possibility of a fair and just God. If you still want to believe, I'll relate something I found kind of interesting:

Soon after the 9/11 attacks, I saw an interview with a Rabbi on CNN, and the interviewer asked him something about how someone with faith could handle something like the attacks happening, and about anger (i.e., "If God is good and just, how could he allow such evil and destruction to happen?").

The Rabbi replied that it was OK to get angry, and OK to get angry with/at God, because who better then He/She/They/It would understand, and forgive?

On the other hand, if you think that such things disallow the existence of a fair and just God, I strongly urge you to read "The Deathbird" by Harlan Ellison (found in his "The Deathbird Stories" and "The Essential Ellison" collections). I recommended Ellison's "Angry Candy" collection (at least the book's introduction, and the final story) to Shainhouse, and it might work for you, as well, dealing as it does with death.

I read the two things you described, and don't know what to say. There are people who throw their lives away, and people who have it taken from them; for those of us between the two extremes, sometimes the hardest thing is just to live, to keep existing despite temptations and pressures to give up.

You may not be able to do anything for your friend with cancer (but don't be too sure: simply being nearby can help a lot; I recommended rigging a music setup for Shane's friend, so you might try that if you can), but for your oxy-trying friend, I think there's a lot you can do. Give him information, get him in contact with drug councellors (see if your local hospital has a drug clinic, and if they do a "scared straight" thing), tell his parents, Hell, get him arrested; get his dealer arrested. He may hate you for it, but I'd rather have decades of hate than months of numbness followed by nothing.

Good luck.



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you can't rely on a big puppeteer to make the scene more enjoyable.

it's up to you to get through life with the choices you make. advice is definitely a good thing to give unless it's not payed attention to. i hope everything is going at least manageably in your life and that you'll cfome to terms with everything. One thing you must realize is that anything in enough moderation and treated with the right amount of respect can turn out to be a worthwhile experience. make sure your friends are unable to show life that amount of respect before you make an issue about it, even if you think you're doing the right thing by piping up too loudly.

adults should be able to be rational and if you lose that rational edge when you're 24 then you need a little advice...if you still got it you're doing alright in my book.

just remember: time goes on and you'll get through everything even if it's not how you'd like things to unfold.

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hey brother, I'm so sorry to hear all the wierd shit that is going down in your life right now... I have a couple words to offer.. [smile]

I know how hard it is to see someone you love do something stupid. But, the problem is you can't expect them to do anything, you can only tell them how you feel about the situation. It is soo hard to understand this, but they have to make their up their own minds about their lives.

Also, I know how much it sucks to see someone you love in a bad place physically. I think another way you can look at it is to understand the illness. I guess Steve has conquered the fear, maybe you should try and understand that this is just meant to be, and that even though he is very ill, Steve knows there is no use fighting the inevitable.

One more thing.. I totally agree with the wierd balance that exists in the world. I have seen the paradox in soo many situations and I guess we just have to accept that it is like that for a reason...

well keep your chin up and keep knowing that things will work themsleves out eventually, you just need patience and trust in the universe..

Good luck,


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Yes, my typical care-free lifestyle has certainly taken a turn on me in the last few months.

Maybe its a test. I don't know. [Confused] I'm thinking about going to talk to someone, professionally. Maybe they can help me understand what is going on.

I'm going to check out the books brad recommended, and continue the quest for faith in my life. Things will get brighter, they have to. I think this weekend in Albany will make things a tad bit brighter for a while. [Wink]

At least i know i have friends who listen. [smile]

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