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Illegal Immigration of Americans to Canada


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Illegal immigration of Americans to Canada is getting out of hand.

From the Manitoba Canada Herald

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has

intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop

the illegal immigration.

The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning

citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with

Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology

professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields

at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood

producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose

acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.

"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.

When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show

him my screenplay, eh "

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,

but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare

Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The

liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they

wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals

near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them

across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario

border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking

water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often

wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have

been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education

camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch

NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of

crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus

trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a

half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration

authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen

passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were

alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we

get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating

an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't

support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does

one country need?

Edited by Guest
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