Magnum

I know, I know Magnum's grammer and spelling need work. Truth be told Magnum dropped out of high school in grade 11 to study the ways of the macho.

Besides, a little stupid is sexy or at least a little sleepy is sexy. Or so I hear on this board. That's the genius of the Magnum I've cognitively chosen to lower my written skills to give the ladie's a sense of security and power. When in reality ol' Magnum is choosing to be less evolved.

P.S. Magnum don't wear tighty whiteies, it's either commando or high thigh brief. Sexy at all costs....and if you think my chets hair is pettable....can you imagine my ass and upper thigh hair?....It's always clean, blown dry and smells like pine needles wityh a hint of cinnamon. I condition it on a dialy basis for you pleasure.

[color:red]My ass smells like a combiantion of the Old Hide house and Northen Reflections (when they've just put out the new popuri). And that's totaly by design. Raaaarrrrrrr!

[color:orange]Hmm the snatch monolgues you say ...(I say snatch as vagina is too modern and Magnum is 70s playa' at heart)

...well I'd like to go with you Moose and I appriciate the offer and I understand you need to see my chest pelt...as do all the ladies...I'd even be into waving the normal chest hair petting fee in your case...or at very least you could go on www.pricebasher.ca and get a discount on the Magnum fondle...

..But alas Higgins is being a BIATCH.. As you can see.

Last night I was listening to my Seals & Crofts albums really loud and smoking banana peels with Rick. Things got a little wild and I was so blasted I fogot to skim the pool. So now Higgins is all up in my grill demading I do my choirs or there's no Ferrari. What a drama Queen.

FUCK!, why isn't Agatha blowing his round English ass! I mean fuck just becuase your dusty ass, murder she wrote girlfirend won't chug the royal slug (they're having relationship issues..whatever!) don't take it out on the Magnum.

Anywho I guess I got to get to skimmin', or Agatha got to get to rimmin', one or the other, to make Higgins happy so I can get the Ferrari for Valentine's. I need the wheels to zoom the hunnies.

Thanks for the invite though.

Magnum doesn't try hard Magnum is HARD!

Check the stace as I flex. Does my pex intimidate you? It should? Does my Speedo shock and tantilize! You know it does....

Does my moustaceh confuse you? You can't see my upper lip...where did it go? You don't know and you all alone and confused!

Now that your vulnerable your all Magnum's!

[color:red]I was through with it before you knew what to do with it! ...

.,..This may be the PCP talking but I feel confident as Zues!

All single people have to complain about is a lack of ass and a plethera of lonliness.

Magnum's gonna go hit the pipe now

[color:magenta][color:black]Magnum here......I've been away from the board for a while, trying to sort out my well manacured head....and I've been crusing the local dives on Oahu looking (in all the wrong places) for love or at very least hotr lust..and [color:black]I'm hittin' bottom.

Just the other day I went out cuising with TC and I got all tanked up on Harvey Wallbangers and I ended up trying to make a play on a really thick polynesian girl whose neck looked like my dad's forehead when he's angry. Nothing happened, I struck out

(probably for the best), but I woke up hung and depressed, thinking: [color:black]"Thomas what happened? You used to be the cock of the walk (punn intended), ladies swooned to rub up on you professionally groomed chest..they used to beg to ride the 'satche and now..now you have to get tanked and use TC as man bait to hit on large local chicks with construction workers hands."

Oh I just don't know anymore? the 80's are over and my macho sexy hirtsue game is looking shaggy. Now I got boys in blazers with upturn collars, in pink shirts with frosted tips, bringing shame to my topical stud game.

I'm a relic of a bygone macho era, I can't play this metrosexual game...[color:brown]For godskakes I was in

Quigly Down Under! And now a days the most popular cowboy movie is about two gay dudes out on the range.

I think I was acting out of desperation the other night, becuase ...becuase...oh dammit Magnum just say it!

OK, Magnum is afraid of being alone on Valentine's Day. OK there I said it. [color:red]Feb.14 is coming and I'm scared of being alone....I mean I may be a TV stud but I'm a man flesh and blood, if you cut me do I not bleed tropical sexy blood?

Every year it's either the best of times or the worst of tiees. If you have someone, you're riding high. It's all chcolate, love, lube, non-disocunt porn and Al Jarreau albums.

If your alone it's like the world is rubbbing salt in your wounds.

[color:purple]So I ask you good people of the board: How do you cope with Valentine's Day (when your single)? What are your strategies?

In the past when I have found myself alone, on this most evil day of days,..I've used the following technique: [color:black]Loud Death Metal, PCP and lots and lots of Almond Joy candybars...

[color:black][color:blue]...Basically what happens is that I think I'm dying (PCP hallucination)..Then I think I'm in hell (Death Metal +PCP hallucination)..then I wake up a few days later and try to remember who I am. Once I've pieced together my past and realize I'm alive, the last thing I'm worried about is love and affection. I'm just happy to be alive and sane again. The only thing that keeps me alive is the sugar in the Almond Joys.

But I digress....I don't think this is the best strategy this year.

What do you think?

[color:red]Magnum out.

[color:black](I bet Face from the A-Team isn't going to be alone on Valentine's day...the ladies love that guy and he only drives a Corevette!)

Luda is calling his lawyer to see if he has to pay the estate of Optimus Prime, for using "Roll Out", as his catch phrase.

This is hilarious. I love it when I find I have a look I don't have to cultivate any further . Time to pack another bowl and skip my nap!

I knew it! You're the one haulin' all the ASS! Dr. Evil Mouise is a P.I.M.P.

[color:red]No I'm not talking about sleepy the dwarf..although if you into that then get yo' freak on...

------------------------------------------------

[color:green]No what ol' Magnum is talking about is "Are dudes who look sleepy all the time, come off as being sexy?"

I know it sounds weird, and it is but the other day I was having Mi-Tie's with a grilfriend of mine (no not that type of girlfriend, Magnum's in a slump right now)and we were talking about what's sexy etc.. She told me that her and her girlfirends agree that duded that look tired/sleepy all the time sexy. Furthermore she said that dudes who look sleepy, act very aloof/uninterested and are unshaven (but not too busy) are even hotter.

I was puzzeled by this (alhtough it totally explains David Duchovney, Davi Caruso, Christian Slater and many more sleepy apparently sexy

dudes.) And I asked her.."Is it that dudes who are sleepy are slower, less alert and perhaps appear less threatening, hence you unconciously find them more appealing. Versus guys who are alert and awake that could be more lucid, challengeing and hence pose more of a possible threat?

What's the deal with that? Please enlighten this tropical P.I. I'm getting sleepy just thinking about this bizarre law of attraction.

Fuck it it's Miller time in Hawaii.

dude WAKE UP!

Bass lazers! Very nice, Ol' Magnum will be at this event (undecover as usual). I'll be scopin' the scene makin' the hunnies and spendin' money.

Looking forward to the live jams and SYruM's & Josh's beat selsction.

I'm really getting tired of all the Euro-trance they play on Oahu these days. Strickly for the tourists and Magnum don't play that!

T-dot, O-dot, H-dot, Ho-Dot...

That's how I do in the 416 when I'm away from the Island.

If by low-end Thunderin' you mean my Magnum sized package scraping the ground than you sir are correct!

[color:orange]Found this poem on line ...really funny and kinda follows up my "Can me and women be friends post" don't get caught in "the zone". Eject! Eject! Eject!

----------------------------------------

The Friend Zone Poem

This column was posted on Tuesday, March 16th, 2004.

Streeter Seidell

I met her on a fine winter day

in the hallowed halls of education.

With a grace to her step, in my dreams she did play

as fixture of my masturbation.

As time went by, so the story goes,

things began to blossom.

But this budding love which I chose,

its death I was to hasten.

It could have been my friendly nature

that blew my chances quick.

Or it may have been her weak composure;

The thought of my naked body making her sick.

I knew not how deep this feeling ran

and if I did, I would have cried

She seemed to be my biggest fan

so, for a relationship, I tried and tried.

It might have been fate, karma or destiny

coming back to bite.

But this girl had got the best of me

and I knew something wasn’t right.

It all seemed too good

for a guy like me.

So, after movies,

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drinks and food

I figured I would see.

As I leaned in for a kiss

underneath the moon, big and red

I saw her jump and heard her hiss

“What the hell are you doing?â€she said.

“I want a kiss, I was thinking,

under this moon, big and red.â€

She looked at me as if I had been drinking

and this is what she said.

“How do I put this?

I don’t know what to say.

I never thought you wanted to kiss

Because I thought that you were gay

I guess I was wrong

But that doesn’t change the fact

That I don’t want your dong

Coming anywhere near my snatch.

I just wanted a friend

And not a relationship.

Someone to love me till the end

But not to touch my tits.

Plus, I like your friend Matt

Do you think you could hook me up?

He’s smart and sexy and not fat.

He’s the guy I want to fuck.

I didn’t want to hurt you

But that’s the way it goes.

If I was on a desert island and you were there too

Then I guess…who knows?

This isn’t how I

Wanted this amazing night to end.

But if it’s a relationship you wanted (sigh)

I’ll always be your friend.â€

It was not by choice I played my cards

The stupid way I did.

I suppose that it’s just hard

For a funny, ugly kid.

So, for all of you with romance on your mind,

make sure it’s plain and known,

that the worst fate you should find

is trapped here in the friend zone.

for Heather

Don't foget you have to enter all the numbers in metric and the hours you drank are based on a 24hr clock.

So if you got sacuy from 10pm-3am next day you would enter= Day1: 20 Day2: 3

That should work

"Get Crunk Shorty"

I pray to god there's a Steely Dan tour soon again! They blow my mind. I remeber gettin' down to AJA and The Royal Scam when the came out in the 70's. That's when thing were hot on the island, and a player got his game on right.

John herrington is playing with Fagen too. It just get's better.

Maybe we should all start a Steely Fan tread for Steely Dan releated topics?

[color:orange]Wow. Me and Rick got blazed last night. Drunk out-hittin the pipe listenin' to all my old Jimmy Buffet albums...the whole nine.

Anyhoo, the next day Higgins sends me this Brittish alchol calculator in my e-mail, it tells you how much you spent and what you're buzz was like. Pretty cool, although I hate it when Higgins knows I'm hung and then sends me some e-mail like this to rub it in... What a little bitch, I mean I have to listen to all his stroires that never end the just go on and ....

Whatever here's the link..

http://www.tiscali.co.uk/lifestyle/calculators/party.html?rs=1&age=28&gender=male&height=173&weight=86.18&start

Yes..Yes the news is out the story of my life is coming to the big screen.

It's taken a while for me to get back into shape after the show ended in the late 80's, but I'm ready.

My mustache is waxed, chest hair groomed, pex ripped, short achingly tight, package front and center. Y'all ain't ready for Magnum up close.

Respect my P.I. Authori-tie.

Now all the greats have a bio pic: Ray Charles, Johnny cash, Truman Capote and Thomas Magnum.

I smell Oscar...or at least Golden Globe.

P.S. Production on this film has been delayed until special effects had developped egnough to digitally alter my package so it can be resized to fit the big screen. In first test audiences had problems following the plot becuase the package was so big on the silver screen. They had to tone it down digitally so people in the audience could concentrate.

when a hot chick puts you in the 'friend zone', she may indeed be attracted to you, but she's just following her instinct and common sense to wait and see if something better comes along. ZZZING!

Exactly. What you just described is totally cruel, self-centered and incosiderate to the friend. Basically, the woman in that scenario wants her cake and eat it too, at the others emotional expense. Then often when the friend realizes he/she is being used like a dick/snatch in a glass case (break in case of emergency), the y recoil so they are not used and hurt. This is all fine in love and war. What is not fine is when the firend that was stringing the other along until something better comes along (and if you really were thier firend would you string them along?), cries that now they miss you and that they have no idea why you're so distant.

That's the problem and that's why men and women that are attracted to each other usually can't be friends without a lot of heartache, effort and communication. The equasion one has to make is all the that emotion and energy worth it, when you could be investing it in someone that really does care for you and does not treat you like a puppet in thier little play.

Phewwww! That was a doosey of a post...Thank god I'm only a fictional Hawaiin P.I. with a hot car and a huge package or I might be depressed.

Thanks for all the good response in this here discussion. s

Exactly...let me rephrase: "Can men and women be just friends with those they find attractive?"

To answer Alexis' point, brothers, sisters and family memebers are hopefully not sexually attractive to other family members..so they are excluded. Except if you live in the rural southern US...then it's game on.

Do you all think that men and women who are both reasonable attractive can be just friends?

I personally don't think so, or at least without a lot of hardship and understanding on both ends. I think that men and women can be just friends if one or the aren't attractive.

I mean all day long all I get on the beach is "Oh Magnum can I comb your mane of chest hair" and I'm like; "Look Agatha your Higgins squeeze and we're just pals, get off my jock!"

I think you know what I mean we've all had situation where you dig a girl (or guy if you a lady or swing that way) and she puts you in the "friend zone" then is shocked when you back away so you're not hurt. Why don't they get it when men become friends with attractive females they hope it will develop into more, as intimate friends is the recipe for real love. It's called emotional investment. It makes morte sense to date a friend than a stranger. You already know the friend care about you and not just your ass, and you know them better

Wow...Magnum's getting all emotional now. Too many long neck Michelob's...

I open this for your discussion....Skanks?

Wahtever..That sucubus can suck ol' Magnum's bus anytime.

and if she is a clingon then i hope she cover me with her cloaking device.

I'll round up some stay hunnies from the Robin's nest and we'll turn it out for ya' at the Gypsy. Don't you worry ol' Magnum is back!

[color:crimson]Me and the boys at the Robin's Nest welcome you. Does my chest intimidate/excite you?....

It's okay to say yes, my chest has that effect on everybody

Yah baby that's my walkie talkie...you know it. The chicks dig that I'm a connected playa'!

That's my angle I keep the pressure on the fine ones. I'm all like.."look if you not down with the Magnum then I got others fine females who is. In fact I got them on this here walkie! No need to connect I just transmit for that booty!" That's how we P.I.s do!

I smell gay porn again.

OK Lazlo, I'll ask you the million dollar question......"What does gay porn smell like?"

Already regretting this query...

By freak do you mean the "get your freak on" in the Missy Elliot way?

[color:red]I hope so, 'Cause you know Magnum get his freak on fo' sho'!