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Patchoulia

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Posts posted by Patchoulia

  8. Neil Young + Wilco tour?

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    I ordered 2 sets of tickets for this for my boss (she has 2 x 2 season tickets so they get a pre-sale). Good seats. Total came to $1056.25 for the 4 tickets.

    They just arrived, I handed them to her and she said, "I have 2 special tickets coming for you for that concert--better than the ones we ordered."

    Oooooooooooooooooooh! I don't know what that could mean!

  16. Best of Craigslist

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    Anyone ever been caught...

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Date: 2006-07-27, 1:34PM CDT

    ...doing the most private of private things?

    Last night my girlfriend came home earlier than she ever has and caught me, naked, watching porn, and stroking it with a mask and snorkel on.

    There's not really much to say at that point. She walked right past me and went into the bedroom. I quickly turned the porn off, put on some pants, and took the mask and snorkel off. Five minuets later she came out of the bedroom and asked how my day was... it was like she didn't just catch me throttling myself with a mask and snorkel on. The rest of the evening went as normal. We had baked chicken and green beans for dinner, and then watched the simpsons.

    I don't really don't know what else to say.

  17. Best of Craigslist

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    OK, this one came from Ottawa...was it one of you?

    Facebook: I Love to Hate You

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Date: 2007-06-30, 2:18PM EDT

    Dear Facebook,

    I love the way you have connected me with old friends from high school and I love the way you allow my friends to keep me up to date the with the weekends activities. Ever since I signed up for you I am no longer a social misfit but a prima donna in the world of drunken cottaging and the Queen of Underground Karaoke parties at the Bytown.

    But facebook, there are a few issues that we need to resolve in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

    First of all, you allow people from high school that I've never even spoken to add me as their friend. I dont know them other than the fact that we were apparently in the same homeroom together in grade 9 before I got the braces off. Its creepy that they remember the overalls and the plaid raincoat I was wearing the first day of high school. Please do not allow these people to seek me out.

    Secondly Facebook you've now allowed not one, but TWO ex boyfriends to seek me out and attempt to add me as their "friend". We are not friends. We broke up because one was banging groupies while touring with the Matthew Good Band and the other was nailing his boss in the Royal Oak's beer room. These are not friends, these are men who couldn't keep their dicks in their pants and I wish them nothing but the most degenerate veneral diseases whores like that can come by.

    Facebook, I have also become addicted to you to the point where I display withdrawl symptoms if I am away from you for longer than a couple hours at a time. If Im working I break out into a cold sweat wondering who's added me, who's messaged me and what party invites am I missing. If I go longer than a day without checking you I almost seizure. You are worse than heroin.

    Facebook you have also gotten me into trouble by allowing me to log on completely shit faced to the point where Ive spilled my poutine all over my laptop. As you already know, drunken Facebooking is considerably worse than drunk dialing. I can deny calling people on purpose when Im loaded I cannot however deny writing self sabatoging messages on peoples walls and telling a booty call how much I enjoyed his throbbing cock last week on his comment page. Please do not let me log onto you when I am this drunk, clearly Im not thinking properly and the Jager-demon has possessed my body / mind.

    As well Facebook please stop with the fortune cookies, hugs, smilies, horoscopes, "which family guy character are you" quizzes and other inane bullshit that I must weed through evetytime I log on. Seriously, its annoying and it must stop.

    Now Facebook, Im not trying to bring you down, I do love you, I just think we need to communicate with each other to remedy these paticular issues. Especially the drunk one, Sara is still not talking to me. If we can set aside our differences you'll see that we are a match made in virtual Heaven.

    Hugs

    Me

  20. Wow. Breaking News: JLo still as big a douchenozzle as ever...

    in Soundboard

    Posted

    Not this comes as a shock to anyone, I'm sure...

    According to MSNBC:

    "Poor Jennifer Lopez. The new mom is training for a triathlon, but everyone is too busy watching the Olympics to notice.

    Lopez, who appeared on "Good Morning America" Aug. 18 to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,†according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’â€

    What a fucking tool.

    Way to go Jennifer! Humankind will forever be amazed at your accomplishment--assuming you actually go through with it--I'm sure it's never been done before! In fact, Michael Phelps should just go ahead give you (at least!) one of his gold medals--he owes you that much.

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