Gripes..

[SolarGarlic]

Gripe Sheets

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which

conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during

the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and

correct

the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form

what

remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before

the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers

lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance

complaints and

problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by

maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that

has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[Esau]

Hilarious.

My favourites:

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Those three made me laugh out loud.

Thanks.

[SolarGarlic]

Right on. There is something about simple humour on a MOnday morn that is refreshing...

[c-towns]

I gotta gripe.

Where'd you go Saturday sweat hog, cry in your pillow?

I think there might be a couple trads left for tonight.