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Kanada Kev Newbie

Kanada Kev

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"Mr. Robertson, Mr. Limbaugh, your lives are not worth those of the lowest, meanest, poorest of those victims still lying under that rubble in Haiti tonight. You serve no good, you serve no God. You inspire only stupidity and hatred, and I would wish you to hell. But knowing how empty your souls must be for you to be able to say such things in a time of such pain, I suspect the vacant, purposeless lives you both live now are hell enough already."

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Dr_Evil_Mouse Newbie

Dr_Evil_Mouse

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Love this :) - from NPR

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

(LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS)

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Dr_Evil_Mouse Newbie

Dr_Evil_Mouse

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And here's another one, from today's Globe.

A Scolding Evangelist Puts the 'Hate' back in Haiti

Tabatha Southey

Published on Friday, Jan. 15, 2010 7:16PM EST Last updated on Saturday, Jan. 16, 2010 9:16PM EST

‘They were under the heel of the French, you know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.' True story. And so the devil said, ‘Okay, it's a deal.' And they kicked the French out. The Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed …â€

That's Rev. Pat Robertson explaining how, he believes, the people of Haiti brought a 7.0-magnitude earthquake – and their poverty – on themselves.

Setting aside all the other issues raised by this, does anyone really believe that's how the devil talks? I know Mr. Robertson says this is a true story, but I don't believe the devil ever said, “Okay, it's a deal.†Isn't the devil traditionally a little more formal than that? That's not the way Mephistopheles talked in Faust . Okay, it's a deal? That's not in there.

In Faust , he's mostly cryptic and scary: The devil says things like, “Dear friend, all theory is grey/ And green, the golden tree of life.†He never says, “Okay, it's a deal,†as if he were out scoring weed at a pool hall.

But then, by Mr. Robertson's logic, it's God who supports slavery, since it was only through a deal with the devil that the Haitian people become free.

God was strictly with management on that one, it seems.

Also by Mr. Robertson's understanding of history, the Haitians were “under the heel of Napoleon III†even though Napoleon III hadn't even been born when the Haitians revolted in 1791. That kind of pre-fetal domination could be humiliating for any people, I imagine.

Perhaps, as the death toll in Haiti mounts, a few more questions about Mr. Robertson's story need to be asked.

First of all, didn't just about everyone kick out the French at one point or another? Didn't we pretty much kick out the French? Aren't the French basically the most kicked-out nation in the world, having been kicked out of nearly every country but France? Did all of those countries deal directly with the devil, and if so why did the devil insist that the Haitians alone pay this ghastly price?

When Hurricane Katrina came along, Mr. Robertson and others on the Christian right speculated that God had sent it to punish New Orleans for decadent ways. But Louisiana also effectively kicked out the French, so why curse them for decadence instead? God's being arbitrary about the French thing.

(Also, I'm hardly a biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure the devil went down to Georgia, not Louisiana.) When you go to a country and the bread's good, you know the French were there. And yet there are parts of the world that have both great bread and very few French people, but are not cursed for having made the French leave. Again, it seems unlikely to me that the devil would have driven such a hard bargain only with Haiti.

Possibly, the devil, eternal as he is, shuffling through history, brokering all these deals, was just bored at the time. He had no “forbear to trifle longer with thy grief†rhetoric left in him when it came to ridding another country of the French. Hence the “okay, it's a deal†that Mr. Robertson insists is in the historical record.

Maybe in Haiti the devil just shrugged and said, “Oh yeah, right, you want the French gone. Okay, it's a deal. I'll have my people send over the standard contract. Now I gotta fly, kids. I'm wanted in Vietnam.â€

In which case, I hardly think the deal would have involved Haitians cursing themselves in the crushing-poverty-major-fault-line way that Mr. Robertson insists they collectively signed off on.

I imagine that where the French were concerned, the devil sighed and said, “Really, are you sure you want them gone? Have you tried the pastries? The pastries are good. The little round cookies with the filling? Really? Not interested? Freedom, right?

“Well, okay, the French will be gone. But you're going to have to rake the leaves for me. That's the deal. And bag them,†he might have added as he was leaving, but only if no one was arguing with him about the raking part.

Mr. Robertson, who also called the Haitian earthquake “a blessing in disguise,†might want to check his sources on this “true story.†That's pretty heavily disguised.

Besides, everyone knows that the devil mostly makes deals over music lessons.

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Dr_Evil_Mouse Newbie

Dr_Evil_Mouse

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I'm not much for getting in on Facebook groups, but I couldn't resist this one :) .

We Condemn Pat Robertson!

Nice post near the top, too:

DN_goSKPCaM

(Worthwhile thing I took away from it is how clearly Robertson is really just a fan of slavery.)

There is also a link to a Pat Robertson voodoo doll for sale on eBay (all proceeds to relief efforts), but I see someone scooped it up already.

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Kanada Kev Newbie

Kanada Kev

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re: Pat Robertson

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out.

And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating.

I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees?"

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it - I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings - just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad.

Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,

Satan

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