For Sale...

[MamaPink]

(Found this on facebook in the marketplace)

GRANDMOTHER- $15.00.

One grandmother for sale, somewhat beyond her years and not really amusing to me anymore. As a child she provided $5 a year for birthdays which was pretty dope, as the kids say, but once I hit my 20's that $5 lost its lustre.

Grandma exists permanently in 1981, as you'll notice by her clothes and the aforementioned belief that a 28 year old man can make use of a $5 birthday present.

Grandma smells of Ben Gay and Fisherman's Friend, a heady mix which, hopefully, you will find appealing.

Grandma can be used in water, though it is not recommended as, not unlike brittle, old driftwood, she could easily be lost at sea. Also not unlike brittle, old driftwood she is brittle and old. And rather wooden.

Grandma comes complete with 45 seperate prescriptions, a foul temper, a recipe for terrible, terrible cookies, and an infinite supply of floral dresses and hats to put the Queen of England to shame. Grandma is intolerant of several races, but which race will bear her animosity from day to day is anyone's guess.

Grandma believes young people are lazy and shiftless. She also talks to herself and is quite mad. However, put her to work in a field and you'll probably net a tidy crop of potatoes or marigolds before she kicks it.

Grandma has been previously sold but was returned by the last buyer claiming she was a lemon. I had her checked out by a team of specialists and they assure me, she's a grandmother.

[bokonon]

My grandmother could kick that grandmother's ass!

[YearsAlongTheSea]

As a child she provided $5 a year for birthdays.....

Grandma comes complete with 45 seperate prescriptions.....

$5 a year and a steady pharmie hook-up!

Let the bidding begin...

[PalacePrincess]

you know what, the guy who wrote this and the girl in alexis' best of craigslist thread would be perfect for each other.