Birdy Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past, looks up, and says to the monkey, "Hey, what are you doing?".The monkey replies "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some!" So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the monkey, and they smoke a few joints.After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and he's going down to the river to get a drink.The lizard climbs down the tree and staggers over to the river. But he's so stoned, he lean's over too far and falls into the river.A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side. The he asks the lizard "what's the matter with you?"The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up in a tree with the monkey smoking pot, got too stoned, and fell into the river while trying to take a drink.The crocodile says he's got to check this out and wanders off into the jungle.He finds the tree where the monkey still sits, finishing up another joint.The crocodile yells up to the monkey, "HEY!"The monkey looks down and says, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccck........ DUDE! How much water did you drink???" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattm Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 good one.How do you catch a rabbit?............Hide behind a tree and make sounds like a carrot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afro poppa Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 haha What do you a call a fish with eyes? .... .... .... .... FSSSSHHHHHHH or What did the 0 say to the 8? ... ... ... Hey, nice belt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooly Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 so theres this bar, and in this bar there is a standing bet, 1000 bucks to whoever can squeeze out more lemon juice from a lemon half than the bartender. the bartender is this huge fucking massive guy, weightlifter type. so one day this skinny runt walks in the bar in a cheap polyester suit and sidles up to the bar. he asks the bartender if the bet still stands. well after the laughter stopped, the bartender wipes a tear from his eye and says sure buddy, if you can squeeze out even one more drop of lemon juice from this lemon, ill give you 1000 bucks!so the bartender grabs up a lemonhalf, and just squeeeeeezes the hell outta it over a glass. he hands the wrinkled remains to the skinny guy in the cheap suit while everyone looks on in silence. the skinny guy grabs the lemon in both hands and grunts while hes squeeeezing that muhfucka, sure enough, the runt gets 4 drops of juice from the lemon!! the bartender stares at him in awe as he wipes his hands off. The bartender pops the till and is counting out the guys money when he asks, so, where do you work buddy? what to you do? lift weights? sure doesnt look like it...the runt says oh no, i work for revenue canada Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dimafleck: the living legend. Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 whats the difference between a pile of oily rags and a pile of dead babies?...........................i don't have a pile of oily rags in my garage....its a fire hazard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted March 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 lazlo part II Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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