Patchoulia Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 The Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Cat's Diary Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneMtn Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 So? Where's the bird's diary?(Good one, BTW!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchoulia Posted April 30, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 I think if it was my dog, there would be some additional lines..like, "Great. Here she comes with that damn camera--again!!--can't she see I'm trying to sleep?"or"Why is she petting me??! I'm SLEEPING, dammit!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YearsAlongTheSea Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 Love it....Mine would say: "Another walk? I mean, I know I'm a border-collie and apparently these books you read tell you I love exercise, but, enough is enough. Can't you see I'm cleaning what's left of my genetalia?"followed by: "Oh, you said 'walk?' My bad. Hells yeah, I love walks!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Evil_Mouse Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 That was awesome. I'm inclined to think that if I were to put any stock in reincarnation, I'm put my money on being a cat next time around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PassedOutGuy Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 Awesome Julia thats hilarious... i miss my kitty... i left him captive with a co worker while im away... good stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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